Yes = No<br />No = Yes <br />Maybe = No <br />I'm sorry = You'll be sorry... <br />We need = I want<br />It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now<br />Do whatever you want = You'll pay for this later<br />We need to talk = I need to complain<br />Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to<br />I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! <br />You're so manly = You need a shave, and you sweat a lot<br />Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs<br />This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house<br />I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper<br />I heard a noise = I noticed you were asleep<br />Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive<br />How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate<br />I'll be ready in a minute = I'll be ages but do NOT put the TV back on<br />You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me<br />Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]<br /><br /><br />Men's English............................<br /><br />I'm hungry = I'm hungry. <br />I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy. <br />I'm tired = I'm tired. <br />Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. <br />Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. <br />Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. <br />May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. <br />Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! <br />What's wrong? = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now? <br />What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question? <br />I'm bored = Do you want to have sex? <br />I love you = Let's have sex now! <br />I love you, too = Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex? <br />Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before. <br />Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others..