Womans english...the real meaning

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Vo2, Nov 15, 2002.

  1. Vo2

    Vo2 Member

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    Yes = No<br />No = Yes <br />Maybe = No <br />I'm sorry = You'll be sorry... <br />We need = I want<br />It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now<br />Do whatever you want = You'll pay for this later<br />We need to talk = I need to complain<br />Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to<br />I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! <br />You're so manly = You need a shave, and you sweat a lot<br />Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs<br />This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house<br />I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper<br />I heard a noise = I noticed you were asleep<br />Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive<br />How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate<br />I'll be ready in a minute = I'll be ages but do NOT put the TV back on<br />You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me<br />Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]<br /><br /><br />Men's English............................<br /><br />I'm hungry = I'm hungry. <br />I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy. <br />I'm tired = I'm tired. <br />Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. <br />Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. <br />Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. <br />May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. <br />Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! <br />What's wrong? = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now? <br />What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question? <br />I'm bored = Do you want to have sex? <br />I love you = Let's have sex now! <br />I love you, too = Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex? <br />Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before. <br />Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others..
     
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  2. GabrielS

    GabrielS New Member

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    Very funny man if the kaka wasnt there with BR!
     
  3. James Bruce Gil

    James Bruce Gil New Member

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    To add to the Men are from Mars & Woman are from Venus Theme!

    WHY MEN HAVE TO BE STRONGER

    If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race
    you're a male chauvinist.
    If you stay home and do the housework - you're a poofter.

    If you work too hard - there's never any time for her.
    .If you don't work enough - you're a good-for-nothing lazy prick.

    If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay - this is exploitation.
    If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay - you should get off your
    lazy ass and find something better.

    If you get a promotion ahead of her - that is favouritism.
    If she gets a job ahead of you - it's equal opportunity.

    If you mention how nice she looks - it's sexual harassment.
    If you keep quiet - it's male indifference.

    If you cry - you're a wimp.
    If you don't - you're an insensitive bastard.

    If you make a decision without consulting her - you're a chauvinist.
    If she makes a decision without consulting you - she's a liberated woman.

    If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy - that's domination.
    If SHE asks you - it's a favour.

    If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear - you're a pervert.
    If you don't - you're gay.

    If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape - you're sexist.
    If you don't - you're unromantic.

    If you try to keep yourself in shape - you're vain.
    If you don't - you're a slob.

    If you buy her flowers - you're after something
    If you don't - you're not thoughtful.

    If you're proud of your achievements - you're full of ****.
    If you're not - you're not ambitious.

    If she has a headache - she's tired.
    If you have a headache - you don't love her anymore.

    If you want it too often - you're oversexed.
    If you don't - there must be someone else.



     
  4. JSWin

    JSWin Member

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    Lol! I'd like to make it illegal for you to have sex with someone else. Lol! Who thinks about it that way? I mean really. It's just funny to say that. Hardly anybody looks at it that way. Ok I just realized that the second part is a man's english. Funny stuff.
    What I am trying to figure out is why some of these people were doing HTML. Maybe they though they needed to.
     
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