Your wife has mentioned SEVERAL times that this woman is pretty, riding with your wife is probably the BEST thing you have said all along!
Women cyclists have it MADE!
- Thread starter Feanor
- Start date
Originally posted by Feanor
Ok, followup!
I have to admit, even though I've been married for 12 years I can still be completely clueless about the nuances of married life...
Since I first posted, my riding partner and her husband have been over for dinner... Having read all the warnings and advice in the thread, and knowing in my own heart that my wife IS the only one for me. I tried to refrain from the normal innuendos and such both prompted and unprompted...
No breaking off for private conversations on the deck no matter how innocent, no overly flattering praise, and the lion's share of attention went to my wife... In fact, she was just about the center of attention for the evening for the three of us, which was actually very nice for me anyway. I don;t think I've heard her as "chatty" for a long time.
After they had gone and we were doing the dishes she said almost unconciously "She's so pretty..." and at once, all the messages of this thread came bounding back into my head!
My reply was, "there are other things besides being pretty... its not the end all... of course being pretty inside AND out is the ultimate... that's why I married you after all..."
and Hey! I got a kiss for that! and the best part was it was even the truth! Sometimes I get lucky I suppose...
She asked if we were all going biking this weekend, and it suddenly hit me like ton of bricks! What if she felt self concious because she thought people were comparing her to our friend? and that's why she's been opting out of the rides for quite a while?
I told her I wouldn't go unless she was going, I'm not sure about what she was thinking, but from her body language I think she approved of that happily...
of course it all turned around when I started talking about building a new bike from a Pinarello frame, but hey... one step at a time huh? *laughing* Important things first
Thanks all for all your insights!
Feanor
You're married for 12 years but you're clueless about the nuances
of married life !
Hmmmmmm.
You're hell bent on digging your own grave here, pal.
Clueless about the nuances of married life after 12 years.
Come on.
You're playing us for fools here.
Best bet is not to post any further messages on this thread because not only do you fancy this woman - your denials are starting to ring even more hollow.
Best bet is not to post any further messages on this thread because not only do you fancy this woman - your denials are starting to ring even more hollow.
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Let's go one better. I gathered from somewhere else that the originator of a thread has the power to delete the entire thread. Go Feanor, DELETE, us all ...
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Let's go one better. I gathered from somewhere else that the originator of a thread has the power to delete the entire thread. Go Feanor, DELETE, us all ...
Married 12 years together for 20...
You quoted the entire message actually and yet missed the "I can still be" in the sentence about being clueless about certain nuances
That is "nuances" as in subtleties, and not rock solid obvious truths I'm certain many will say, "Oh I've been married so long and I understand everything I need to know about my wife/husband, but I find that this is typically the rallying cry of the opposite camp. (Watch the scene in "Eyes Wide Shut" where Nicole Kidman tells her clueless husband Tom Cruise about her imaginings...
There are many things I understand about my wife and many more I do not. In that way, things don't get as old as they could, and are also more dangerous than they should be... That's why I'm still married, not because I "understand everything about the other person"
I fancy the other woman? Of course I do, did I ever deny it? but that is relegated more to the uncontrolled thoughts and musings of a typical male, more than an absolute prediction of my actions. The fact that there is fancy, in any form, and no pursuit is the definition of successful marriage, because if you're male, and a beautiful woman fawned over you and it had no effect or generated no thoughts in your mind, You're a liar... and akin to the type that would buy a BMW for the self proclaimed reason that it is a "good" car...
But back on the cycling track... I am going cycling with the wife AND our friends this weekend... and I have a bit more knowledge and sensitivity that makes me less "clueless" about an aspect or two, and no where near all knowing.
I suppose the original message must have sounded fairly indictable, I blame myself for perhaps taking too much license, but don't you think after 20 years of being together and still holding hands (and wanting to) while walking down the street that I must be doing something correctly?
Oh well...
Feanor
FWIW, people do have some choice about whether or not they act on certain urges or longings. Sounds like you are consciously making a choice to avoid a situation that would be ultimately very messy, and would cause a lot of pain all around.
Have you thought about just going away with your wife for the weekend? Indulge your marriage a little, get things revving?
Screw going riding with this (albeit nice) woman who is clearly making the situation uncomfortable for your wife, and maybe getting you a little hot and bothered.
Inspire a little good loving from your good woman. She'll help you forget what was clouding your mind.
Maybe this will lead to positive changes in marriage and in cycling (?!?).
Thank you,
Dr. Ruth
Have you thought about just going away with your wife for the weekend? Indulge your marriage a little, get things revving?
Screw going riding with this (albeit nice) woman who is clearly making the situation uncomfortable for your wife, and maybe getting you a little hot and bothered.
Inspire a little good loving from your good woman. She'll help you forget what was clouding your mind.
Maybe this will lead to positive changes in marriage and in cycling (?!?).
Thank you,
Dr. Ruth
If Feanor fancies this woman, so what? You'd have to be some kind of simpleton to think that just because a guy is happily married, all of a sudden he stops noticing beautiful women. Marriage is this thing that was invented by people, and despite all the great things about it, it is still an artificial construct. You don't simply stop noticing attractive members of the opposite sex just because you're married, that's not how we work. If Feanor is lusting after this woman (I'm not saying you are, Feanor, that's only an "if") he's doing nothing wrong - being attracted to someone is involuntary after all. If someone with a taste for burgers converts to Hinduism they don't suddenly develop a dislike for beef, do they? They just don't eat it any more because they've chosen a lifestyle which precludes it. Similarly, as long as Feanor isn't actually being unfaithful, let him fancy someone else, that's just human nature.
Now having said all that....posting his thoughts up on the forum for the world to read, that's perhaps questionable....
Now having said all that....posting his thoughts up on the forum for the world to read, that's perhaps questionable....
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