You Might Be A Bike Weenie If...

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by RubberSideDown, Aug 26, 2004.

  1. RubberSideDown

    RubberSideDown New Member

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    Let's see how many of these apply to you. Enjoy!


    You Might Be A Bike Weenie If...

    You hear someone had a crash and your first question is "How's the bike?"

    You have stopped even trying to explain to your husband why you need two bikes...you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.

    You buy your crutches instead of renting.

    You convert your car's brake & gas pedals to clipless.

    You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.

    You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your gunboat sneakers.

    You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wallspace is taken up by the bike.

    You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.

    Biker chick means black spandex, not leather, and a Marinoni, not a Harley.

    "Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries" is for you.

    You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young woman ride by, and the first thing you check out is her bicycle.

    You empathize with the roadkill.

    Despite all that winter weight you put on, you'll skim weight by buying titanium components

    You use wax on your chain, but not on your car.

    Your mud guards are made out of milk jugs.

    Your current bike is older than your college children.

    Your bike bag consists of an outdated Power Bar, one tire lever, a questionable patch kit, a run-over spoke wrench, an all-in-one, a rusty allen wrench, change with god knows what stuck on it, a couple of tubes without a clue which one has a hole, and that peanut butter sandwich you swore you brought on the ride two weeks ago, all tucked into a bag the size of your fist.

    Your first course when you eat out is a large banana split.

    You yell "On Your Left!" when passing another car.

    You yell "Hole!" when you see a pothole while driving your car.

    Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car's odometer.

    You wear your riding gloves when driving your car.

    You wear your bike shorts swimming.

    You wear Charles River Wheelmen T-shirts all the time, including under dress shirts.

    Your bikes are worth more than your car.

    You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.

    When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.

    You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.

    You take your bike along when you shop for a car - just to make sure the bike will fit inside. (Tom Weaver)

    You use the Yakima or Thule Fit catalog to pick your next new car instead of Consumer Reports.

    You start yelling at cars to "hold your line."

    You're comfortable bumping elbows with step vans.

    You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.

    You clean your bike(s) more often then your car.

    You install bike mounts in the back of your van or pickup truck.

    You're on the Board of Directors for a Bike Club.

    You spend weeks during the summer spraying arrows on the sides of roads.

    You and your significant other have and wear identical riding clothes.

    You mount a $600 cap, on a $1,000 pickup truck, so your $3,000 bike doesn't get wet.

    You put your bike in your car and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 4 (or better).

    You can't seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don't have any problems at all meeting your buddies at 5:30 AM for a hammerfest.

    You can tell your wife, with a straight face that it's to hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

    You regard inter-gender discussion of your genital pain/size/shape/utility as normal.

    Your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than your car, and you do it.

    You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.

    When driving your car you lean over the steering wheel, just like an aerobar.

    Your kids bring a rear derailleur to "Show & Tell".

    Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.

    You tailgate a semi-trailer to get the drafting effect.

    You know your Bike Nashbar customer number by heart.

    You have a four digit Bike Nashbar customer number.

    There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to be doing, and go bicycling instead...

    You have committed to memory the sizes and costs of Johnson & Johnson's complete line of gauze products.
     
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  2. artmichalek

    artmichalek New Member

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    What about clip on aerobars for the lawn mower.

    Yes, I've already scoped out bike shops in a town I'm not moving to for three more months. No, I haven't looked for an apartment yet.
     
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