Your Horoscope



Chris_L

New Member
Sep 6, 2001
74
0
0
ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a f*ck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of p!ss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real f*cking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill them self to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous ******* who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullsh!tting and you're a cheap *******. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an @sshole. For your entire life people will make a complete ***** out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered c**t and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a *****.
 

RalleighOke

New Member
Jan 29, 2003
361
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0
Originally posted by Chris_L
CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous ******* who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

NOOOOO!!! I cannot be murdered, there is so much money still to be made.....I need to get a bodyguard.....Where's that Damn Cell Phone??

:D
 

steve

Administrator
Staff member
Aug 12, 2001
5,283
392
83
Originally posted by Chris_L
I'm Libra, I think I got off lightly. :D

I'm a sagittarius, where are my dutch gurls? :rolleyes:

cheers!
 

Vo2

Member
Aug 11, 2001
2,166
10
0
54
Another Libran here. I don't really care who's at my funeral anyway.
 

Lazy legs

New Member
Feb 27, 2002
300
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54
Originally posted by Chris_L
TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of p!ss.


The only time I don't wear underwear is when I'm cycling!!! :D

The rest - no comment. :p
 

Mouse Potato

New Member
Jun 26, 2003
176
0
0
Originally posted by RalleighOke
Originally posted by Chris_L
CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous ******* who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.
NOOOOO!!! I cannot be murdered, there is so much money still to be made.....I need to get a bodyguard.....Where's that Damn Cell Phone??

:D
What's wrong with being an unscrupulous ******* anyway? :confused:
 

Spin baby

New Member
Jul 7, 2003
41
0
0
<I>VIRGO
and the majority of Virgo women are *****s.</I>

Let's see.... 5 letters across.....

Gotta be... Lovers. ; )
 

JuneBug

New Member
Dec 15, 2003
184
0
0
AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.


this is really sad as I am sitting here with a cat in my lap. :O
someone needs to make horoscopes for Bikers.

Dont bike with a libra today because they will push you into a tree. something like that.

Hey. that's not a bad idea. Biker Horoscopes.

you know. Lance is a vIrgo.
:eek:
 

Spin baby

New Member
Jul 7, 2003
41
0
0
Originally posted by JuneBug
you know. Lance is a vIrgo.
:eek: [/B]

Yes. Born Sept 18. But he is definately not queer as he has wife Kristin, son Luke and twin daughters Grace and Isabelle .
 

Uyague

New Member
Aug 17, 2012
1
0
0
Hello guys i have horoscope for Gemini

Gemini you are going through rough patch in love relationship and this is the time to decide your next move. You may find your life becoming hell for you but this is not the end.You are capable of making your own decisions. Your every step counts now. This is the right time to use your wit and win back your world. Little joking around can refresh your mood. Learn more about Gemini at Zodiac signs
 

alienator

Well-Known Member
Jun 10, 2004
12,596
310
0
Uyague said:
Hello guys i have horoscope for Gemini Gemini you are going through rough patch in love relationship and this is the time to decide your next move. You may find your life becoming hell for you but this is not the end.You are capable of making your own decisions. Your every step counts now. This is the right time to use your wit and win back your world. Little joking around can refresh your mood. Learn more about Gemini at Zodiac signs
Aren't "using your wit" and reading horoscopes conflicting ideas?
 

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