This message is in reply to "BitingHeart's" screed on "females"
http://groups.google.com/groups?dq=&selm=ff08daf.0309060500.2d3bd666%40posting.google.com
and his insistence on continuing to write about me and post to
newsgroups he knows I read even though he had claimed before that he
was going to completely forget about me. This will by no means be my
only message, for as long as BitingHeart continues to post his lies
about me, I am going to continue to elaborate on the truth of the
matter.
About me: "BitingHeart" met me a few years ago, after I had been
posting messages to a newsgroup about difficulties being able to do
what I used to enjoy. I elaborated to him that I was depressed over
losing my "fire" (my ability to imagine,invent and create works), so
he knew full well what was going on with me. I elaborated to him *in
detail* exactly what the problems were. But he seems to have no clue
as to how this can impact a person. ...No clue *at all*. Most of my
life I was a "least female", which means I did not enjoy the "power"
more outgoing girls and women do. Like Kurt Cobain, I was a
hypersensitive introvert who turned to gifts and talents in order to
have a place in the world. My "power" was in the work I used to enjoy
doing, but when I started to wake up and found it just wasn't as
coming as easily any more, I sank into depression. This was made
worse when I lost my main source of income due to the economy -- a
large company I was on contract with, that decided to cut corners by
eliminating all of its contract and other "extra" people.
(To which BitingHeart will probably respond that this is "being
manipulative", despite the fact that THIS IS A VERY REAL FACTOR IN MY
DAILY EXISTENCE.) I never assumed that any human being could fix what
was wrong, and I told him so. Generally, I keep to myself most of the
time, and I don't talk about this except to others who might be able
to relate (not many, FWIW). Somehow people "find" me themselves and
think they have an easy cure, when it isn't something that can be
remedied that easily, apparently. I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry
for me, either, but I feel I must clarify due to the outrageous nature
of "BitingHeart's" lies.
About "BitingHeart": he is in his mid 20s, has never held down a
steady job, still lives with his parents and so has not experienced
some of the hard knocks of life. Apparently he has an attraction to
older women, including older women who are having difficulty going
through life changes. He is a fan of Nirvana and Kurt Cobain, whom
ironically suffered a similar depression due to his "fire" going out.
Yet apparently if you're female you are not allowed to feel the same
way Cobain felt.
I'll admit that the timing of his final visit was poorly planned on my
part. That was my fault and I take the blame for it. However, that
he insists on continuing to LIE about me warrants response. His words
are vicious lies, nothing more. I can't even begin to describe how
vicious, ignorant and untrue they are.
This message is in response to specifically the section, "Lies of
victimhood and manipulation". That whole section is one huge,
vicious, ignorant LIE in regards to his speculation about my
situation. He claims I was "lying" and "putting on an act" when the
truth is that I was in a depression so severe I could not remember
what I did the day before. Imagine your mind and body going haywire
and you feel as though you are completely losing control. Imagine
waking up disoriented, and needing to take time just to remember who
you are and what you're doing there -- after having spent many years
on top of things. And then someone who claims they are your friend
declares that you are only "putting on an act" and that you are "evil
and have no soul". What kind of an idiot would claim that somebody
was "putting on an act" when they were depressed over being
unemployed, found themselves losing their skills and identity and were
in danger of losing their home???? This is the magnitude of
BitingHeart's total lack of empathy and understanding. Yes, I USED to
be "strong enough". But then I started losing my "magic", and I felt
lost. Even powerful creatures like lions will starve and die if they
lose their place in their world. Yes, I was "getting worse and worse"
-- because I found I was no longer as able to escape into the
activities that had given my life joy and meaning before, not to
mention realizing I was not as able to fend for myself as well as I
had before. Does he think Kurt Cobain was *also* "putting on an act"
or "lying" about his state of being, after he lost his "fire"?
(What is so outrageously ironic about that section is that "poor"
Bitingheart whines and whines as if he is being "victimized" by all
the "females" in his life, putting on airs as if we should all feel
sorry for him.)
"BitingHeart" accuses others of being "manipulative", yet he is one of
THE most manipulative persons I've ever met. He behaves as though he
was alternately spoiled rotten and punished sternly (as well as
entitled to have his way *all the time*), and so learned to resort to
a "look how cute and innocent I am" act in order to get away with
whatever transgression he committed. I have yet to read him telling
the "whole story" on *anything*. Take for example the paragraph where
he elaborates on "the manipulativeness of females". He cites an
incident in which he had come to visit me for a holiday, but which had
unfortunately gone awry as a promise to receive work had fallen
through. I was left in a panic.
Notice how he sort of skims over the reasons I was not in the best of
spirits. Oh, he writes, "she says it's due to lack of work blah blah
blah"... Notice how he MINIMIZES an event that is well-recognized and
documented as having a major impact on a person:
http://xtramsn.co.nz/health/0,,8072-2550157,00.html
http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/depression/related/work_2.asp
http://216.239.39.104/search?q=cache:2Yg2Q9Hr9wcJ:www.isr.umich.edu/src/seh/mprc/Job%2520Loss%2520Hard%2520times%2520and%2520eroded%2520identity.pdf+suicide+job+loss&hl=en&ie=UTF-8
http://www.befrienders.org/suicide/warning.htm
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
http://www.cwru.edu/stuaff/ucs/Depression.htm
http://www.psu.edu/ouic/orientation100/T9/depress.html
Not only this, but part of the depression was due to midlife changes,
so I was experiencing a double-whammy. In midlife, hormonal levels of
your body begin to change, and society has a different set of
expectations for you; this is something that not every individual can
handle as well, especially someone who has always had difficulty
socializing and having the safety net of a social circle (like me).
BitingHeart, let's see where you are when you are pushing 30 or 40 and
start to lose the looks you are so vain over; your parents are
becoming aged and decrepit and you suddenly realize you don't have the
safety nets you once did. Let's see if you can still put on the "cute
and innocent little boy" act *then*.
All of the above is the absolute and honest truth, and if
"BitingHeart" continues to claims it isn't, karma is going to visit
him big-time.
"BitingHeart" the tadpole has absolutely NO CLUE what it's like for a
person who was formerly successful in their field for 20 years, to
suddenly lose the status and security they had all those years and
find themselves virtually defenseless in a world that they never
really fit into, or cared for in the first place. (It wasn't just a
job, either -- it was a major part of my identity and what gave me the
most joy in life.) It isn't a problem that only happens to "females",
either, although the societal expectations for "females" (i.e. being
less valued when you're older; being people-oriented when you aren't)
certainly don't help.
Another huge example of BitingHeart's apparent manipulativeness is his
claim that depressed people are "draining" to him, and supposedly the
reason he no longer wanted to be my friend (--not that I would want
him for a friend at this point anyways, if that's what he assumes).
Little did I know he was carrying on an affair of sorts with another
woman who lived several miles from me -- a woman who was *also* quite
troubled, perhaps even more so. This woman was so emotional that she
spent two hours in a movie lobby crying to her friend on the phone
because she was asked not to talk during the movie. Of course, she
happened to be BitingHeart's preferred body type while I am thinner
than he would like. This is only speculation, but it appears that
perhaps that *this* is the true reason BitingHeart treated me like
dirt. But instead of being more honest, of course, BitingHeart
instead placed all the blame on me. ...For being depressed. For
being troubled. Meanwhile carrying on an affair with another
depressed and troubled woman -- a housewife on the verge of divorce
and having little prospect of employment. (In other words, lying to
me about the whole bit about not wanting to deal with depressed and
troubled personalities). In fact, from what I understand he may have
been the cause of the breakup of her marriage -- after which she was
kicked out of her house. The last I heard she was staying at a
friend's house and I have no idea what happened to her after that.
This just goes to show you how reckless, self-centered and ignorant
"BitingHeart" is; apparently not so truly concerned about the
well-being of those he claims are his friends as much as the ability
to get some easy nookie.
BitingHeart, if you keep posting your [censored] I am going to continue to
elaborate on the real truth to the situation, so your choice is to
either rescind your lies and live up to your claim of "forgetting
about me", or regret what's going to come next. And if you are
depressed and female, STAY AWAY from this person. He will pretend to
try to help you but in fact will make you worse, making you feel
guilty for not being happy!