Wheels - You are in the market for a new family car so you read Wheels
to keep up with the sensible and affordable cars in the market. You
will end up buying a Commodore or Falcon because that is what you, and
your dad, have always bought.
Which Car - You make car purchasing decisions by the feature list,
price, fuel economy and resale value. You will buy a Holden Astra or
Toyota Corolla because they 'tick' all the boxes.
MOTOR - You love reading about great cars you will never own. And the
cars you can afford will always be vetoed by the family vote due to
their practicalities. Say hello to your Commodore S or Falcon SR.
Hot 4s & Performance Cars - You have an old japanese car that is
seriously underpowered and has rust holes the size of your fist. You
believe you are learning and getting ideas on how to fix up your
precious [censored] box, but all you are doing is dreaming of the day you can
buy your own plastic bodied Civic/Silvia/Charade. You wear your hat
backwards and know where every McDonalds car park and Super Cheap Auto
store is within a 50 km radius.
Street Machine - You have scars on your knuckles, not from working on
your Kingswood, but from dragging them on the ground when you hang your
arm out the window doing bog-laps. You dream of the day when you can
put a Gen III in your HJ Kingswood with Premier twin headlights. Oh,
and your Kingswood has a sticker showing Calvin pissing on a Ford logo
on the back window.
Overlander 4WD - You want to find that lovely new 'hidden' landscape
where you can take your Patrol/Landcruiser, set up a gourmet kitchen
and get away from it all for a week. Nevermind that you tell 10 other
4WDers and it becomes just as busy as last years spot. Your hunt starts
anew...
4x4 Australia - You like to think you will one day buy a Landcruiser,
but you make do with your Prado or Pajero and join everyone at the
caravan park up the coast. Occasionally you take your 4WD off road and
get it dirty but the grief from the missus over every scratch makes it
a rare event. Add to this the pretty colour you ended up getting
instead of plain white makes it hard to retouch any of the
aforementioned scratches.
Two Wheels - You have your Honda Fireblade or Yamaha R1 and you are
always looking for something much quicker. Your weekends are spent
riding along hilly roads on the outskirts of your city trying to find
ways to 'touch up' the knees of your leathers. Also, you never
subscribe because you don't know how long you are going to be around.
Fast Fours - You have a new japanese car that daddy has bought you and
you are looking of ways to void your warranty in the best way. Anything
short of an engine swap is fair game. You are on first name basis with
the local Nismo/Mugen/Greddy/STI/HKS dealer. You need the engine power
upgrade to move the banks of subwoofers and amplifiers you have used to
remove the usable load space of your car.
Australian Muscle Car Magazine - Your rusty old 1960s Falcon 500 out
the back will one day be turned into the hottest GTHO replica in your
suburb. More likely you will never get time to work on it due to work
and family commitments. It will end up being your retirement project.
By then, petrol will be so expensive you will only be able to afford to
run the car twice a year.
Caravan World - You get very excited about the new extra compact
chemical toilet and how it will make the long trips to Cairns/Coral Bay
all that much easier, especially with your rapidly advancing age and
rapidly decreasing bladder control. Your perfect day involves sitting
under your side awning drinking cups of tea all day long. You are the
epitome of the 'grey nomad'.
Dirt Action - You live and breathe dirt bikes, your pyjamas are even
made from Fox breathable mesh. You recently invested in large amounts
of body armour once you realised you are on first name basis with the
local emergency department and your private health insurance company
now refuses to offer you any cover.