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The Jesus Diet...

Started by OmManiPadmeOmelet · · Last activity · 99 posts · 2,986 views

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General fitness, health and nutrition
Published
28 August 2005
Last activity
28 September 2005
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OmManiPadmeOmelet
Posts
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  1. (Preacher) said:

    He farted, but it didn't smell bad.

    Jesus wouldn't unleash "SBD's" on his followers. A REAL god would warn
    them, so they could run.

    TBR

    "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and
    more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day
    the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the
    White House will be adorned by a downright moron."
    H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
    "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent,
    but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption."

  2. "OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    In article <[email hidden]>,

    El Guapo said:

    "dwåcôñ" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:t50Re.726$Zp.35@lakeread04...

    Quoted message said:

    Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy.

    Sure, if you can find mercury free fish. Good luck with that.

    Supplement with Selenium.
    That helps with mercury elimination.

    Google that.

    And fresh water fish won't have it.

    It just has PCB's and all that other pollution [censored]. ;-)

    I don't think there is a single food available on the planet
    anymore that does not have SOME contaminants in it!

    So become a breatharian!
    And even that has some toxins involved......

    Fresh water fish can be heavily contaminated, too. I'm not saying that you
    shouldn't eat seafood if you like it. Go ahead, though you might want to
    limit it to a couple of times a week max. My point is really that any
    health benefit inherent in seafood is probably offset by the health effects
    of contamination.

  3. Preacher said:
    Dally said:
    Quoted message said:

    Jesus must have been prone to bouts of significant flatulence, based
    on what this fellow claims that he "ate" (hummus? whole grains?
    phhhhttt...)

    No, that wasn't in the Bible that I know. How dare you imply that
    Jesus farted! Sacrilege!

    He farted, but it didn't smell bad.

    So his [censored] didn't stink?
    --
    "If they can send a man to the moon,
    why can't they make my shoes smell good?"

    Now playing: "Yes - Wonderous Stories"

  4. Tarkus said:
    Preacher said:
    Dally said:

    [email hidden] wrote:

    > Jesus must have been prone to bouts of significant flatulence, based
    > on what this fellow claims that he "ate" (hummus? whole grains?
    > phhhhttt...)

    No, that wasn't in the Bible that I know. How dare you imply that
    Jesus farted! Sacrilege!

    He farted, but it didn't smell bad.

    So his [censored] didn't stink?

    Moreover, he didn't round his back when he squatted. His form was, of
    course, perfect.

  5. Quoted message said:

    "because by then he was dead! Duh! "

    i see....so he got married AFTER he died?

    Thanks for clearing that up......

    LassChance

  6. No, no, no. JC NEVER farted!!!! In fact....he didnt even pee. IF HE
    HAD..it would SAY so in the hollybibble.

    He didnt pee, [censored], fart or screw. he had NO cavities, warts or moles,
    either. IF HE HAD, IT WOULD SAY SO! (just like IF he was married (like
    every other Jewish guy) IT WOULD SAY SO!

    IF it DOESNT say so...then he didnt do it.

    Find me ONE piece of scripture mentioning any body function of JC's
    other than eating the occasional fish and quaffing a bit of the Grape.

    There IS some possibility that His feet did get dirty. However....this
    is the fault of the crappy desert sand and NOT HIS FAULT.

    Perfect people DO NOT FART.

    amen.

    LassChance

  7. In article <[email hidden]>, LassChance_2
    @webtv.net says...

    Quoted message said:

    Perfect people DO NOT FART.

    Not so -- PERFECT people have a perfect system to elminate waste
    products, which includes the emission of gas. Otherwise, they'd blow up
    and eventually explode, which sounds like an IMperfect system to ME.

    --
    Saffire
    205/132/125
    Atkins since 6/14/03
    Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333

    *** This post originated in alt.support.diet.low-carb -- its appearance
    in any other forum is deceptive and unauthorized. ***

  8. In article <[email hidden]>,

    Saffire said:

    In article <[email hidden]>, LassChance_2
    @webtv.net says...

    Quoted message said:

    Perfect people DO NOT FART.

    Not so -- PERFECT people have a perfect system to elminate waste
    products, which includes the emission of gas. Otherwise, they'd blow up
    and eventually explode, which sounds like an IMperfect system to ME.

    --
    Saffire

    Uh, I think she was being sarcastic dear...... ;-)
    --
    Om.

    "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-[censored]." -Jack Nicholson

  9. *** This post originated in alt.support.diet.low-carb -- its appearance
    in any other forum is deceptive and unauthorized. ***

    In article <[email hidden]>,
    [email hidden] says...

    Quoted message said:

    In article <[email hidden]>,

    Saffire said:

    In article <[email hidden]>, LassChance_2
    @webtv.net says...

    Quoted message said:

    Perfect people DO NOT FART.

    Not so -- PERFECT people have a perfect system to elminate waste
    products, which includes the emission of gas. Otherwise, they'd blow up
    and eventually explode, which sounds like an IMperfect system to ME.

    --
    Saffire

    Uh, I think she was being sarcastic dear...... ;-)

    Yes, I know :-) I just riffing on the great setup :-)

    --
    Saffire
    205/132/125
    Atkins since 6/14/03
    Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333

    *** This post originated in alt.support.diet.low-carb -- its appearance
    in any other forum is deceptive and unauthorized. ***

  10. Saffire---I get it! So, really, the more perfect you are, the MORE you
    fart!
    (great, huge perfect farts....like big red circus balloons.....)

    Lass

    Re: The Jesus Diet...

    Group: alt.support.diet.low-carb Date: Wed, Aug 31, 2005, 5:06pm (EDT-3)
    From: [email hidden] (Saffire)
    In article <[email hidden]>, LassChance_2
    @webtv.net says...
    Perfect people DO NOT FART.
    Not so -- PERFECT people have a perfect system to elminate waste
    products, which includes the emission of gas. Otherwise, they'd blow up
    and eventually explode, which sounds like an IMperfect system to ME.
    --
    Saffire
    205/132/125
    Atkins since 6/14/03
    Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333
    *** This post originated in alt.support.diet.low-carb -- its appearance
    in any other forum is deceptive and unauthorized. ***

  11. Om sez...
    "Uh, I think she was being sarcastic dear...... ;-)

    Saffire sez....
    Yes, I know :-) I just riffing on the great setup :-)

    I sez..
    I knew dat!
    --

  12. In article <[email hidden]>,

    (Lass Chance_2) said:

    Om sez...
    "Uh, I think she was being sarcastic dear...... ;-)

    Saffire sez....
    Yes, I know :-) I just riffing on the great setup :-)

    I sez..
    I knew dat!
    --

    ;-D
    Carry on den....... ;-D
    --
    Om.

    "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-[censored]." -Jack Nicholson

  13. "Lass Chance_2" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    LOL, well, FOR SURE, in da Vinci's MANY paintings of the Last Supper,
    the figure to his right was EITHER a flaming,red-wavy-haired no-beard
    effiminate man (supposed to be John) OR a woman. Im going with woman,
    myself, and Mary, at that, his number 1 deciple.

    ummm...Da Vinci wasnt there...while i agree the person to Jesus' right is
    clearly a woman...what does that prove?

  14. You shouldn't have Mohammad in that group. Mohammad was probably the
    most evil [censored] that ever lived, even worse than [censored].

    Preacher said:
    Dally said:

    Think about all the messianic dudes we've known through the ages.
    Muhommed. Koresh. Jones. Brigham Young. How many abstained? None.
    In fact, they all got themselves a bevy of wives. Saying that Jesus
    loved Mary Magdelen more than the other disciples and NOT imaging a
    sexual relationship is just denying Jesus his humanity.

    That's just ridiculous. Without making a pronouncement on whether or not
    Jesus had a wife, how can you say that he couldn't have a close female
    friend without having sex? And saying that others weren't celibate
    doesn't mean that no person ever was, or that somehow, those who do
    abstain aren't human.

    Finally, afaik, the Bible doesn't ever say that he loved Mary Magdelene
    more than the other disciples. If anything, the tradition is that "the
    disciple whom Jesus loved" (and author of the 4th gospel) was John the
    apostle. Make of that what you will.

  15. VICAR---well, it doesnt "prove" anything. It's just very interesting
    that da Vinci would add a woman who pretty much HAS to be Mary Mag
    sitting at JC's right hand. This is, after all, a painting of JC last
    meal with his disciples.....and da V obviously chose to put a person in
    the painting most people would NOT see as a disciple.....sitting in the
    most important seat---at Jesus' right hand.

    It's well known that daV had a sort of love/hate relationship with the
    Church, seemed to believe in a Creator but had contempt for the
    trappings of religion.

    To even add Mary to a painting commissioned by an abbey of nuns (The
    Sisters of Mary) and paid for by the Vatican....was a subtle but
    definite "screw you" that may or may not have had any historical basis.
    The fact that, when asked, "Who is she and why is she in this painting?"
    and da V replied, "What???Why, that's JOHN!" is significant. Clearly,
    he was seeing what he could get away with....and laughing at the
    Catholic Church.

    However, if there really WAS a group of men (I forget their title, the
    "Priory du Sion"?) who knew and guarded the secret of Jesus' marriage to
    Mary and the daughter she produced, it's more than likely da V was one
    of those men chosen. IF so, he both guarded AND revealed the
    secret---in a most subtle way.

    Clearly, IF JC produced a child and IF that child bore children...the
    possibility of people being alive today carrying the blood of Jesus the
    Christ....is staggering.

    ....and not likely to be something the Catholic Church would want known.
    Nor would these descendants be safe.

    There's no "proof", either way---no proof JC was...or was NOT married.

    But the possibility (likelihood, in my opinion) is fascinating. Dont
    you agree?

    IF he was married and a father, and IF this information was REMOVED from
    the gospels....clearly, nobody BUT the Church could have made this
    deletion---- a cover-up that makes Watergate look like a Sunday school
    picnic....not even close.

    Consider the vast power the Church had (and still has). How much power
    would be lost by the common knowledge that Jesus was first and foremost
    a MAN, a human with blood, sperm and offspring? For the Church to have
    maximum celestial power, their Main Guy HAD to be a celestial type---no
    mere human man with a wife and a kid.

    Any decision made to remove texts for the purpose of removing Jesus'
    humanity....is political by it's very nature---intended to elevate Jesus
    ABOVE the human state and raised the Church above the human
    state....and there aint no power like Heavenly power.

    ....and NO scam ever run by anybody compares.

    LassChance

    Re: The Jesus Diet...

    Group: alt.support.diet.low-carb Date: Fri, Sep 2, 2005, 8:27am From:
    [email hidden] (THE VICAR)
    "Lass Chance_2" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...
    LOL, well, FOR SURE, in da Vinci's MANY paintings of the Last Supper,
    the figure to his right was EITHER a flaming,red-wavy-haired no-beard
    effiminate man (supposed to be John) OR a woman. Im going with woman,
    myself, and Mary, at that, his number 1 deciple.
    ummm...Da Vinci wasnt there...while i agree the person to Jesus' right
    is clearly a woman...what does that prove?

  16. In article <[email hidden]>,

    OmManiPadmeOmelet said:

    I rather like Sashimi myself.
    Hold the rice.

    And the Wasabi......

    I'll have his.

    Wimp.

    Seth
    --
    "There is no such thing as an essential carbohydrate" -- Will Brink
    Except sushi rice, seaweed, and wasabi.

  17. In article <[email hidden]>,

    Preacher said:

    114 Simon Peter said to them, "Make Mary leave us, for females don't
    deserve life." Jesus said, "Look, I will guide her to make her male, so
    that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every
    female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven."

    That explains a lot about women bodybuilders.

    Seth
    --
    Are we allowed to be on topic in this newsgroup?

  18. Pew-wee Fewsay IMHI - is the best there is and certainy my favorite
    (spelling is totally whacked) but, you get the type of wine I refer to.

  19. In article <[email hidden]>,

    (Seth Breidbart) said:

    In article <[email hidden]>,

    OmManiPadmeOmelet said:

    I rather like Sashimi myself.
    Hold the rice.

    And the Wasabi......

    I'll have his.

    Wimp.

    Seth

    ;-)
    --
    Om.

    "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-[censored]." -Jack Nicholson

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