Thinking about goal weight and maintenance

Therapy. Really, it helps give you a new perspective on life. And if you have a really good
therapist, she/he can make you see things about yourself that you never thought of before. Or help
you stop yourself from having these thoughts because you think about them in a different light.

I have been talking to a therapist for about 6 months now (while I've been doing WW) and boy! has it
made a difference. Everyone around me says I'm a new person, both physically and personality-wise.

So think about it! I think with the huge amount of weight you've lost, that there has to be some
kinda of mental status change that goes with that.

HTH!

Brynda
210/179/140ish

"Lesanne" <[email hidden]> wrote in message "]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire

Quoted message said:

to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my
weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time
I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was

huge.

Quoted message said:

No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship.
Off and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh,
even if I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would
not "measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I

am

Quoted message said:

really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think
4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in
my head instead of

too

Quoted message said:

"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the
level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.

Quoted message said:

I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already

less

Quoted message said:

than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

I can very much relate to the not being satisfied with your weight/size/body. I would agree with the
others, counseling can definately help. You get someone to help you see yourself in a different
light. Counseling helped me a LOT! I am young, but in my small experiences guys really don't care
"that" much what you weigh. Some do, but sometimes we are just bombarded with images in the media
that show us what we have to look like to be "hot" or to attract a guy's attention, but really it
takes a lot less. I've found that when I'm confident I got a lot more male attention (eventhough I
was 220) than when I was a little thinner (190) and less confident. You're right, it's all in your
head. I think people see us how we see ourselves and if we present ourselves as a great catch, then
that's what they'll believe us to be. However, this is something I constantly struggle w/. In some
situations/some days I feel great about myself and how I look and other days I don't feel as good.
As far as the single stuff goes, my advice is to focus on yourself, and that will fall into place.
Good Luck to you.

Amber
214/214/165

Lesanne said:

I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire to set a lower place
to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my
weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time
I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge. No
other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship. Off
and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even
if I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would
not "measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am really happy with my
physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is
going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the
level that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right
around 160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly to the last paragraph and
actually the last lines....

On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:09:50 GMT, "Lesanne" <[email hidden]> wrote:

There is a mix in there. "I like the way I eat now." versus "It is Already less than I want, many
days of each week."

I can definitely understand not wanting to "sacrifice" to lose more weight and reduce your points
which we can define as tasty, additional calories, an indulgence or just not having to think about
eating as a task. That makes sense. But you do have to remember that you are now eating NORMALLY.
And while it may feel like deprivation (already less than I want), it is right and works to keep you
healthy and able to move and exercise and breathe and maybe live longer (alone?? (G))

But I do know how you may feel. I have realized in the last few days that unless I get my requisite
activity points that allow me to indulge in more dried fruit or a skinny cow or meringues or a piece
of cheese I will gain weight. Over the last 3 or 4 or 6 weeks I gained and lost but attribute the
gain to less activity. My dad's death limited my normal exercise patterns and I gained weight - of
course, there were also the stress and comfort food longings but it was not out of hand - I am more
or less certain it was the lessened activity. That means a serious look at how much I eat on wetter
weeks or tired weeks or when I slow down. That will make a serious blow in my food choices and I'm
not sure that I will like that at all either.

I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal eating with ACTIVITY. And
normal eating has to be adjusted based on the circumstances.

You have done an incredible job and taking time off as you suggested, possibly until Jan 1 sounds
reasonable. That is taking time off from losing weight - not taking time off from keeping it off
which means ON PROGRAM!!!

Quoted message said:

I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the level
that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around
160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are
overweight is so we do not have to deal with "attention" I am doing
armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself is that I had
trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same man for
23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making advances
was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are marketable if
you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats OK
too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee
Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire

Quoted message said:

to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my
weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time
I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was

huge.

Quoted message said:

No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship.
Off and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh,
even if I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would
not "measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I

am

Quoted message said:

really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think
4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in
my head instead of

too

Quoted message said:

"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the
level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.

Quoted message said:

I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already

less

Quoted message said:

than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

Lesanne said:

I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire to set a lower place
to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my
weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time
I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge. No
other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship. Off
and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if
I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this relate?
The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would not
"measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads.

This makes a lot of sense to me ... I'm still moving below the 140ish goal. <grin> I don't think
it's a number thing for me, I'm just fine and dandy with the weight. The body image is another story
entirely. I look in the mirror, see somewhat thin, but also see those lumps/bumps/wrinkles/ripples
(whatever you want to call them). They aren't disappearing, I'm beginning to resign myself to the
fact that at my age they probably just aren't going to.

I have heard people say that with weightloss comes an entirely different set of head problems -
especially concerning the opposite gender or the newly found attention we are getting. How to handle
it, how to accept it, etc. It can be a pretty scary thing! As far as you still not being acceptable
to men ... are you even remotely interested in a male that has that line of thinking? I don't think
so! There are a lot of men in the world that aren't into slinky anorexic model type women, they are
just the ones who tend to get all the attention. Finding the *good* ones is the problem. I have
heard of many people who have found chat/email type websites online and had great success. Kind of
that *get to know the real person before ever meeting face to face* scenario. Maybe that would be
worth your checking out? I also have two friends who met their current husbands at church/community
based single parent potlucks. They were reluctant to go to the first one, but once they made the
effort they were happy they did. Both said that the people who were there were not your typical
single bar/meat market types... they were caring people who really were interested in making new
aquaintances, along with the possibility of a relationship. Again, might be worth checking out.

Quoted message said:

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am really happy with my
physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is
going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the
level that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right
around 160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week.

Do you think your head is ever going to allow you to be acceptable? That's the question I've been
asking myself recently - is a toughie. We don't know what others see or think, and if those
compliments are tossed our way, we don't allow ourselves to believe them anyway (oh, they were just
saying that to be nice... not like anyone is going to tell me I look like dogpoop). THAT'S where MY
head is stuck. It does sound to me like you might be *getting there* in the head department, just
have to make a few adjustments. <grin> You do like where you are, do like the current way you are
eating. You know that no matter how much more you lost, you still ain't gonna accept yourself - and
you really don't want to do what is necessary to maintain a much smaller size. I think THAT is what
we have to accept in order to move forward... the reality that we have to be happy with ourselves if
we ever expect to have others happy with us.

Quoted message said:

How does one shift these gears?

OY! If you ever figure that one out, please let me know! Therapy didn't do it for me (many years
ago) and I honestly don't have time to go that route again. I'm beginning to think it's
something that is just inbred ... another one of my obsessive/compulsive/perfectionism quirks
that I live with.

Joyce current weight: 130; total loss 98.8 lbs Lifetime: 4/4/03

Quoted message said:

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

Well, yeah, been there and done that, or I would have NEVER been able to make the changes that I
have. Actually multiple times. Once with a psychiatrist that was a disaster, once with a disaster
therapist that still caused a majorly beneficial change to happen, and once with a wonderful
therapist. A couple of totally neutral experiences were tossed in there in various places as well.
This is why I can look in the mirror and be delighted with what I see, but I still think that my
physical self is not "marketable".

Probably this is a pretty realistic assumption actually, considering that I am 55, have yo yoed for
30 years, and would be choosing from a very slender pool of men who all profess to want a woman who
looks good in a bikini. Now if I go for the men in their 70's, that is another thing entirely, and I
make judgements about them that leave them not desireable. Not from physical appearance, but ..
never mind..... Why would I want a 70 year old man? Even a fit one is going to wear out before I do
probably. I really don't need another nursing job.

I just think this issue is not at all about weight any more, and I need to set my head to making a
different goal other than losing more.

"Brynda" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Therapy. Really, it helps give you a new perspective on life. And if you have a really good
therapist, she/he can make you see things about

yourself

Quoted message said:

that you never thought of before. Or help you stop yourself from having these thoughts because you
think about them in a different light.

I have been talking to a therapist for about 6 months now (while I've been doing WW) and boy! has
it made a difference. Everyone around me says I'm

a

Quoted message said:

new person, both physically and personality-wise.

So think about it! I think with the huge amount of weight you've lost,

that

Quoted message said:

there has to be some kinda of mental status change that goes with that.

HTH!

Brynda
210/179/140ish

"Lesanne" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire

Quoted message said:

to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal

at

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going

to

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that
completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second
divorce... At that time I was

huge.

Quoted message said:

No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship.
Off and on over the years I have browsed

various

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to

answer

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this relate? The other day I
was browsing again, and still telling myself

that

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men

in

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing.

I

Quoted message said:

am

Quoted message said:

really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't
think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I

don't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of

too

Quoted message said:

"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the
level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.

Quoted message said:

I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already

less

Quoted message said:

than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

"Fred" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly to the last paragraph and
actually the last lines....

***Chicken*** 🙂🙂

Quoted message said:

On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:09:50 GMT, "Lesanne" <[email hidden]> wrote:

There is a mix in there. "I like the way I eat now." versus "It is Already less than I want, many
days of each week."

I can definitely understand not wanting to "sacrifice" to lose more weight and reduce your points
which we can define as tasty, additional calories, an indulgence or just not having to think about
eating as a task. That makes sense. But you do have to remember that you are now eating NORMALLY.
And while it may feel like deprivation (already less than I want), it is right and works to keep
you healthy and able to move and exercise and breathe and maybe live longer (alone?? (G))

*** Yeah. I am going to have to remember that it took me 2 or 3 years to actually make exercise a
real habit. Probably take that long to make #NORMAL# eating a habit. I know it is halfway there,
since I feel strong resistance to eating large portions of anything, but I also know it would be
real easy to let some portion size growth sneak in there again. ***

****And actually, living alone is pretty fine. So speaks the 24/7 careperson, what would I know?***

Quoted message said:

But I do know how you may feel. I have realized in the last few days that unless I get my
requisite activity points that allow me to indulge in more dried fruit or a skinny cow or
meringues or a piece of cheese I will gain weight. Over the last 3 or 4 or 6 weeks I gained and
lost but attribute the gain to less activity. My dad's death limited my normal exercise patterns
and I gained weight - of course, there were also the stress and comfort food longings but it was
not out of hand - I am more or less certain it was the lessened activity. That means a serious
look at how much I eat on wetter weeks or tired weeks or when I slow down. That will make a
serious blow in my food choices and I'm not sure that I will like that at all either.

****This is so true. One thing I love about the flex plan. I eat more on days that I really really
work out. And That is becoming a habit too. I also eat Less on days that I do less difficult
workouts. Grief really calls for food doesn't it? I had to learn to cry, and I am Not a crier. I am
still not good at it, but I found that extra yardwork is good too. I found that on days I don't get
a lot of exercise, if I watch the carbs and eat a lot of veggies I do better. ***

Quoted message said:

I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal eating with ACTIVITY. And
normal eating has to be adjusted based on the circumstances.

You have done an incredible job and taking time off as you suggested, possibly until Jan 1 sounds
reasonable. That is taking time off from losing weight - not taking time off from keeping it off
which means ON PROGRAM!!!

*** I am not Ever going to get up in the morning and not get on the scale. That was where the weight
creep started in the past, and where it would start now, if it did. Reality Bites, but it is what
will keep me On program. And people are right about how the scale lies, but if it keeps me eating
less a few days of the week and staying at goal? What is wrong with That?

Ah. Lee, you did hit the nail on the head. 🙂🙂

"Miss Violette" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are overweight is so we do not
have to deal with "attention" I am doing armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself
is that I had trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same man

for

Quoted message said:

23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making advances was almost traumatic.
Just something to think about. You are marketable

if

Quoted message said:

you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats OK too, its not weird or odd
or anything else. Lee Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire

Quoted message said:

to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal

at

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going

to

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that
completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second
divorce... At that time I was

huge.

Quoted message said:

No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship.
Off and on over the years I have browsed

various

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to

answer

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this relate? The other day I
was browsing again, and still telling myself

that

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men

in

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing.

I

Quoted message said:

am

Quoted message said:

really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't
think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I

don't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of

too

Quoted message said:

"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the
level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.

Quoted message said:

I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already

less

Quoted message said:

than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

"Lesanne" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]... This is why I can look in the mirror and be

Quoted message said:

delighted with what I see, but I still think that my physical self is not "marketable".

** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for a women of around 5'6" is 125
lbs or so. That's the size most men want. That's the size women who gets most of the dates and male
attention. I saw it at the square dances we went to, at the holiday parties, the rallys etc. Most
men are obsessed with the thinner women! I'm not saying that's right or fair but it is true. Even
the heavy men, the older men want us on the thin to average size.

Quoted message said:

Probably this is a pretty realistic assumption actually, considering that

I

Quoted message said:

am 55, have yo yoed for 30 years, and would be choosing from a very

slender

Quoted message said:

pool of men who all profess to want a woman who looks good in a bikini.

** Only an idiot would expect a women over 50 to look great in a bikini. How many women actually do?
How many men over 50 look good in a bathing suit? Check out the nearest pool or beach. Most are out
of shape, pot bellied, have fat bottoms, flabby arms and otherwise are not real attractive.

Now

Quoted message said:

if I go for the men in their 70's, that is another thing entirely, and I make judgements about
them that leave them not desireable. Not from physical appearance, but .. never mind..... Why
would I want a 70 year

old

Quoted message said:

man?

** Forget them - there are men out there in their 50s who have realistic expectations where women
are concerned. Have you tried single's dances, covered dish single's dinners, social clubs........ I
met my husband at a single's dinner given by a church of another faith. We're not even church goers.

Quoted message said:

Even a fit one is going to wear out before I do probably. I really don't need another nursing job.
I just think this issue is not at all about weight any more, and I need to set my head to making a
different goal other than losing more.

** Good luck.... :-)

Wysong
207/164/135

remember what my mom told me, you are in control of the attention you
accept, and that is the only attention you need worry about, Lee, good luck
Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Ah. Lee, you did hit the nail on the head. 🙂🙂

"Miss Violette" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are overweight is so we do not
have to deal with "attention" I am doing armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself
is that I had trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same man

for

Quoted message said:

23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making

advances

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are

marketable

Quoted message said:

if

Quoted message said:

you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats

OK

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire

Quoted message said:

to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below

goal

Quoted message said:

at

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever

going

Quoted message said:

to

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I

don't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single
after the second divorce... At that time I was

huge.

Quoted message said:

No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think

of

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed

various

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to

answer

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does

this

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself

that

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men

in

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing.

I

Quoted message said:

am

Quoted message said:

really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I

am

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I

don't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead

of

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

too

Quoted message said:

"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though

I

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.

Quoted message said:

I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is

Already

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

less

Quoted message said:

than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

On Tue, 11 Nov 2003 12:26:08 GMT, "Lesanne" <[email hidden]>

Quoted message said:

"Fred" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly to the last paragraph and
actually the last lines....

***Chicken*** 🙂🙂

Or smart??? (G)

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:09:50 GMT, "Lesanne" <[email hidden]> wrote:

There is a mix in there. "I like the way I eat now." versus "It is Already less than I want, many
days of each week."

I can definitely understand not wanting to "sacrifice" to lose more weight and reduce your points
which we can define as tasty, additional calories, an indulgence or just not having to think
about eating as a task. That makes sense. But you do have to remember that you are now eating
NORMALLY. And while it may feel like deprivation (already less than I want), it is right and
works to keep you healthy and able to move and exercise and breathe and maybe live longer
(alone?? (G))

*** Yeah. I am going to have to remember that it took me 2 or 3 years to actually make exercise a
real habit. Probably take that long to make #NORMAL# eating a habit. I know it is halfway there,
since I feel strong resistance to eating large portions of anything, but I also know it would be
real easy to let some portion size growth sneak in there again. ***

I keep reminding myself that I normall eat only half the teriaki chicken at lunch when I
occasionally get the urge to just keep on eating it. It has sufficed for almost a year now, so I
know that I do NOT NEED the additional food but there have been times that I've been tempted to just
eat on through it. And when I was in NY and down in Tucson, we did Chinese food and I did overdo it
- competing with my brother-in-law while my always very thin sister just ate her normal bird's
portion. So my capcity to overdo it is still there. And clearly in weaker moments......

Quoted message said:

****And actually, living alone is pretty fine. So speaks the 24/7 careperson, what would I know?***

A different "companion" I would say with very different challenges.

Yes, I got up this morning felt like hiking but dawdled as I wanted (the original idea to go skiing
for the first time this season got scotched by rain in the passes!). No one to answer to and no
other schedule to abide by. Selfish, spoiled and HAPPY! (G)

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

But I do know how you may feel. I have realized in the last few days that unless I get my
requisite activity points that allow me to indulge in more dried fruit or a skinny cow or
meringues or a piece of cheese I will gain weight. Over the last 3 or 4 or 6 weeks I gained and
lost but attribute the gain to less activity. My dad's death limited my normal exercise patterns
and I gained weight - of course, there were also the stress and comfort food longings but it was
not out of hand - I am more or less certain it was the lessened activity. That means a serious
look at how much I eat on wetter weeks or tired weeks or when I slow down. That will make a
serious blow in my food choices and I'm not sure that I will like that at all either.

****This is so true. One thing I love about the flex plan. I eat more on days that I really really
work out. And That is becoming a habit too. I also eat Less on days that I do less difficult
workouts. Grief really calls for food doesn't it? I had to learn to cry, and I am Not a crier. I am
still not good at it, but I found that extra yardwork is good too. I found that on days I don't get
a lot of exercise, if I watch the carbs and eat a lot of veggies I do better. ***

I am munching Meringues as I type - mini-mint. But my fear is that if the exercise lessens, I will
not be able to indulge these "snacks!" Can I find a substitute for foods if I have to??

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal eating with ACTIVITY. And
normal eating has to be adjusted based on the circumstances.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

You have done an incredible job and taking time off as you suggested, possibly until Jan 1 sounds
reasonable. That is taking time off from losing weight - not taking time off from keeping it off
which means ON PROGRAM!!!

Yes, I counted on my fingers as I drove home from my hike. Aug/Sept/oct/nov - 4 months of holding
pretty well. And if I add the 6 weeks of maintenance - 5 months. And I met someone I had not seen
in a while on the trail and he commented, you've lost a "ton" of weight. YUP! Now to continue to
keep it off.

Quoted message said:

*** I am not Ever going to get up in the morning and not get on the scale. That was where the
weight creep started in the past, and where it would start now, if it did. Reality Bites, but it is
what will keep me On program. And people are right about how the scale lies, but if it keeps me
eating less a few days of the week and staying at goal? What is wrong with That?

I am doing it, too. Neurotic in some books but healthy fact gathering in mine.

Lesanne,

You should make an appointment with the wonderful therapist and get to the bottom of why you think
you are not the woman of some mans dreams. You don't need or want to be alone for the rest of your
life. I agree that a man quite older than yourself is not a good thing. I have had an ad online on
various sites for almost 3 years now. I have dated a few of the men and made some great friends
along the way. I have not found the one yet, but I have enjoyed the journey. I too am severely
overweight. I started my current weight loss at 319.4 when my ex walked out on me, I placed an ad
about 6 weeks after that and have not looked back. There are men out there that just want a genuine
woman with a heart and someone that can carry on a conversation, go to a movie or share a dinner
with. They want companionship and that is what all relationships start out as. You are worth it, but
you have to tell yourself that.

I know when my ex walked out on me I continued to see the counselor that we were seeing for marriage
counseling. She did a great job getting me to think that I was worth it and that I was desirable. I
am sure your therapist can do the same with you. The one thing that my counselor had asked me was
about my daughters, I told her they were beautiful girls and they looked just like me. Funny thing
is I never considered myself beautiful in any way, shape, or form. She told me to listen to myself
when I spoke about my daughters, that they were beautiful and looked just like me, so I must be
beautiful too. I have since accepted that I don't look that bad even though I am overweight. I am
comfortable with myself and that is what counts most.

Debbie

"Lesanne" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Well, yeah, been there and done that, or I would have NEVER been able to make the changes that I
have. Actually multiple times. Once with a psychiatrist that was a disaster, once with a disaster
therapist that

still

Quoted message said:

caused a majorly beneficial change to happen, and once with a wonderful therapist. A couple of
totally neutral experiences were tossed in there

in

Quoted message said:

various places as well. This is why I can look in the mirror and be delighted with what I see, but
I still think that my physical self is not "marketable".

Probably this is a pretty realistic assumption actually, considering that

I

Quoted message said:

am 55, have yo yoed for 30 years, and would be choosing from a very

slender

Quoted message said:

pool of men who all profess to want a woman who looks good in a bikini.

Now

Quoted message said:

if I go for the men in their 70's, that is another thing entirely, and I make judgements about
them that leave them not desireable. Not from physical appearance, but .. never mind..... Why
would I want a 70 year

old

Quoted message said:

man? Even a fit one is going to wear out before I do probably. I really don't need another
nursing job.

I just think this issue is not at all about weight any more, and I need to set my head to making a
different goal other than losing more.

"Brynda" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Therapy. Really, it helps give you a new perspective on life. And if

you

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

have a really good therapist, she/he can make you see things about

yourself

Quoted message said:

that you never thought of before. Or help you stop yourself from having these thoughts because
you think about them in a different light.

I have been talking to a therapist for about 6 months now (while I've

been

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

doing WW) and boy! has it made a difference. Everyone around me says

I'm

Quoted message said:

a

Quoted message said:

new person, both physically and personality-wise.

So think about it! I think with the huge amount of weight you've lost,

that

Quoted message said:

there has to be some kinda of mental status change that goes with that.

HTH!

Brynda
210/179/140ish

"Lesanne" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire

Quoted message said:

to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below

goal

Quoted message said:

at

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever

going

Quoted message said:

to

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I

don't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single
after the second divorce... At that time I was

huge.

Quoted message said:

No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think

of

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed

various

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to

answer

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does

this

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself

that

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men

in

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing.

I

Quoted message said:

am

Quoted message said:

really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I

am

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I

don't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead

of

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

too

Quoted message said:

"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though

I

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.

Quoted message said:

I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is

Already

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

less

Quoted message said:

than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

On Tue, 11 Nov 2003 12:26:08 GMT, "Lesanne" <[email hidden]> wrote:

<snipped a lot of good stuff>

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal eating with ACTIVITY. And
normal eating has to be adjusted based on the circumstances.

You have done an incredible job and taking time off as you suggested, possibly until Jan 1 sounds
reasonable. That is taking time off from losing weight - not taking time off from keeping it off
which means ON PROGRAM!!!

*** I am not Ever going to get up in the morning and not get on the scale. That was where the
weight creep started in the past, and where it would start now, if it did. Reality Bites, but it is
what will keep me On program. And people are right about how the scale lies, but if it keeps me
eating less a few days of the week and staying at goal? What is wrong with That?

Agreed! I have told myself the same thing regarding daily weighins, but I find I haven't been
sticking with it recently. Time constraints, lack of sleep ... sometimes that bed won't release me
until I have to run to keep my schedule. <g> BUT .. I am weighing in at least every other day, and
will not let it go any less than that. Like you, the weight kept piling on by my avoiding the
reality of the scale. I even had a Dr. that was thrilled enough to have me make a rare visit, that
he totally accepted it when I refused to step up on the scale (I know I'm fat, don't need no
stankin' number to tell me that!). So now I step up and face reality - even when having a feeling I
know it won't be kind. Seeing a slight upward swing brings me back into focus, and in a few short
days it's taken care of. I'd rather manage my weight when it's only a pound or two, as opposed to
almost 100 of them.

Joyce

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

"~ Wysong ~" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for a women of around 5'6" is
125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want.

Well. I am not 5'6". Which is why weight watchers allowed me a goal of 164. My bones show. The veins
in my arms show. I am thin enough for me. My size 10 clothes are nicely loose. Thanks for the
reality check. Most men are influenced by the media, as are most women. You reminded me how proud I
am to be eccentric.

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

Yeah Lee, I am quite fond of you as well. 🙂🙂🙂. Figured I would respond here, to the other post. !
And this is true. I get off on these mental wanderings because I am mostly bored I think. Also, it
helps to get some reality tossed into my little odd world sometimes !

"Miss Violette" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

remember what my mom told me, you are in control of the attention you accept, and that is the only
attention you need worry about, Lee, good

luck

Quoted message said:

Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Ah. Lee, you did hit the nail on the head. 🙂🙂

"Miss Violette" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are overweight is so we do not
have to deal with "attention" I am doing armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for
myself is that I had trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same

man

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

for

Quoted message said:

23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making

advances

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are

marketable

Quoted message said:

if

Quoted message said:

you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats

OK

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in
message "]news:[email hidden]...
> I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of

my

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

desire
> to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below

goal

Quoted message said:

at

Quoted message said:

> my meetings.
>
> See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever

going

Quoted message said:

to

Quoted message said:

> be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I

don't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of

resigned

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I

was

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

huge.
> No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even

think

Quoted message said:

of

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed

various

Quoted message said:

> singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to

answer

Quoted message said:

> that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does

this

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling

myself

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that

Quoted message said:

> my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those

men

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

in

Quoted message said:

> those ads.
>
> I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head

thing.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

I

Quoted message said:

am
> really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I

am

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I

don't

Quoted message said:

> think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead

of

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

too
> "fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even

though

Quoted message said:

I

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a

lower

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

goal.
> I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is

Already

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

less
> than I want, many days of each week.
>
> How does one shift these gears?
>
> Lesanne
> (365)247/160/164
>
>

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

"Fred" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly to the last paragraph and
actually the last lines....

***Chicken*** 🙂🙂

Or smart??? (G)

****or careful****

Quoted message said:

I keep reminding myself that I normall eat only half the teriaki chicken at lunch when I
occasionally get the urge to just keep on eating it. It has sufficed for almost a year now, so I
know that I do NOT NEED the additional food but there have been times that I've been tempted to
just eat on through it. And when I was in NY and down in Tucson, we did Chinese food and I did
overdo it - competing with my brother-in-law while my always very thin sister just ate her normal
bird's portion. So my capcity to overdo it is still there. And clearly in weaker moments......

*****yes I don't need more than I am eating either. After what I now eat, the rest is feeding
emotional needs I think, in my case********

Quoted message said:

Yes, I got up this morning felt like hiking but dawdled as I wanted (the original idea to go
skiing for the first time this season got scotched by rain in the passes!). No one to answer to
and no other schedule to abide by. Selfish, spoiled and HAPPY! (G)

*****Oh yeah. my friends who are couples have to make all kinds of adjustments. I don't think I
would want to make those. I too am spoiled, and selfish (in the best possible way). (G)

Quoted message said:

I am munching Meringues as I type - mini-mint. But my fear is that if the exercise lessens, I will
not be able to indulge these "snacks!" Can I find a substitute for foods if I have to??

Yeah. Some other kind of exercise works pretty well. Yoga is good. As a food substitute.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal eating with ACTIVITY.
And normal eating has to be adjusted based on the circumstances.

clipped, re: weighing......

Quoted message said:

I am doing it, too. Neurotic in some books but healthy fact gathering in mine.

*** since the only judgement I make is in the way I eat for that day, I don't see it as a problem.
If I was looking at the scale and saying Oh My I am up a pound I may as well just eat I am a total
failure, it would be counterproductive...

LA YOU ARE JUST THE BEST!!! Lee
Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

"~ Wysong ~" <[email hidden]> wrote in message "]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for

a

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

women of around 5'6" is 125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want.

Well. I am not 5'6". Which is why weight watchers allowed me a goal of

164.

Quoted message said:

My bones show. The veins in my arms show. I am thin enough for me. My size 10 clothes are nicely
loose. Thanks for the reality check. Most men are influenced by the media, as are most women. You
reminded me how proud

I

Quoted message said:

am to be eccentric.

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

Oh, before, a little bit nuts, now, a more healthy ECCENTRIC (G)

The photo you posted showed you are a-okay! Don't sweat it except when earning activity points (G)

Lesanne said:

"~ Wysong ~" <[email hidden]> wrote in message "]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for a women of around 5'6" is
125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want.

Well. I am not 5'6". Which is why weight watchers allowed me a goal of 164. My bones show. The
veins in my arms show. I am thin enough for me. My size 10 clothes are nicely loose. Thanks for the
reality check. Most men are influenced by the media, as are most women. You reminded me how proud I
am to be eccentric.

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

I always figure if "they" think I am crazy, then if I go around the corner
nobody will notice. Wandering is good for the mind, Lee
Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Yeah Lee, I am quite fond of you as well. 🙂🙂🙂. Figured I would respond here, to the other post.
! And this is true. I get off on these mental wanderings because I am

mostly

Quoted message said:

bored I think. Also, it helps to get some reality tossed into my little

odd

Quoted message said:

world sometimes !

"Miss Violette" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

remember what my mom told me, you are in control of the attention you accept, and that is the
only attention you need worry about, Lee, good

luck

Quoted message said:

Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Ah. Lee, you did hit the nail on the head. 🙂🙂

"Miss Violette" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...
> I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are overweight is so we do
> not have to deal with "attention" I am doing armchair shrink here, but what I figured out
> for myself is that I

had

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same

man

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

for
> 23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making

advances

Quoted message said:

> was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are

marketable

Quoted message said:

if
> you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner

thats

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

OK

Quoted message said:

> too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee Lesanne <[email hidden]> wrote in
> message "]news:[email hidden]...
> > I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of

my

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> desire
> > to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below

goal

Quoted message said:

at
> > my meetings.
> >
> > See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever

going

Quoted message said:

to
> > be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I

don't

Quoted message said:

> > necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of

resigned

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> > myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I

was

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> huge.
> > No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even

think

Quoted message said:

of

Quoted message said:

> > being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed
various
> > singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to
answer
> > that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How

does

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

this

Quoted message said:

> > relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling

myself

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that
> > my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those

men

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

in
> > those ads.
> >
> > I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head

thing.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

I
> am
> > really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that

I

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

am

Quoted message said:

> > "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it.

I

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

don't
> > think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head

instead

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

of

Quoted message said:

> too
> > "fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even

though

Quoted message said:

I

Quoted message said:

> > don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a

lower

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> goal.
> > I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is

Already

Quoted message said:

> less
> > than I want, many days of each week.
> >
> > How does one shift these gears?
> >
> > Lesanne
> > (365)247/160/164
> >
> >
>
>