Joke of the day

The man comes to the doctor, saying "Doc, I have a problem."
Doctor asks what's the matter, all worryingly like.
The man says "Something's wrong with my [censored], it started acting like a dog"
"What are you talking about?", the doc asks.
He says "well, it won't touch my wife, but it's ready to tear apart that chick next door"

Telling jokes on English is a bit complicated.
__________________

hehehehe....I were expecting some descent jokes here

Facebook Love:

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status “I’m getting a divorce,” he was the first one to click Like.

Dexter49 said:

Facebook Love:

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status “I’m getting a divorce,†he was the first one to click Like.

Good one.

That is the best thing I've ever heard Dexter

A man walks into Walmart and asks if they stock cotton balls. "Of course!" They reply.

Well does it tickle when you walk?

TheBoss0567 said:

A man walks into Walmart and asks if they stock cotton balls. "Of course!" They reply.

Well does it tickle when you walk?

Oh dear, that made me feel weird.

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me"

liyaalena said:

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.He sent in ten different puns , in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

haha good one!

That was so cringe, it made me laugh. The others are funny too. I'm too lame to ever make something funny. Or that is what I believe.

What's the best thing about a socialist joke?

Everybody gets it!

swalia said:

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me"

Good one. At least better than the previous ones of this post.

Q: Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles?
A: They tend to lose their balance.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

I found this one too hilarious:

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci."

God, I love Watchmen. Incredibly underrated film and story.

Husband: You will never succeed, in making that dog obey you.

Wife: Nonsense! it's only a matter of patience, remember I had a lot of trouble with you at first as well...

A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."

The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!"