A minister, a hillbilly and a ....

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by withalacrity, Feb 24, 2005.

  1. withalacrity

    withalacrity New Member

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    A pompous minister was seated next to a hillbilly on a flight across the country. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The hillbilly asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

    He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The hillbilly then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice!
     
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  2. LottomagicZ4941

    LottomagicZ4941 New Member

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    That is a good one I'll be re-e-posting it:)

    Here are some funny things I found on another forum.

    Kids and the Bible
    from http://com3.runboard.com/brachelsmusicplace.fjokesandhumour.t6
    These are from kids writing about the bible. I found the following funny ( no it's not from me, but these are real ):

    KIDS' INTERPRETATION OF BIBLE STORIES
    1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating
    the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
    2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called
    Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
    3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
    4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble
    with the unsympathetic Genitals.
    5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
    Delilah.
    6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
    7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
    which is bread without any ingredients.
    8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went
    up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.
    9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
    10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
    11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews
    in the battle of Geritol.
    12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to
    stand still and he obeyed him.
    13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with
    the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
    14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
    15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
    Carta.
    16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus
    in the manager.
    17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
    18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
    19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others
    before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by
    sweat alone.
    20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
    tombstone off the entrance.
    21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
    22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
    23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
    24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which
    is another name for marriage.
    25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
    * * *
     
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