Advice Needed
- Thread starter refinnej
- Start date
well if it is of a delicate personal nature we just post it on the forums, you'll find we are all tactful and have experience in this field...refinnej said:im fairly new t this forum. i was wondering if there is anywhere that i can get personal advice, aside from bicycle and health issues.
fire away, get it off your chest..
Don't ask for advice in the soapbox. Someone will put a stick thru your spokes.refinnej said:im fairly new t this forum. i was wondering if there is anywhere that i can get personal advice, aside from bicycle and health issues.
im jennifer. im 23, but have lots of experiences in life and i consider myself a strong person. but there are times where i feel like just giving it all up. well here it goes. i've been in a relationship for seven years. yes, pretty long i know. the issue is that he just cannot stop smoking weed. i mean it may not sound serious but its just tolling on me big time to where i just tend to break down. its everyday and lots of it. i mean its rediculous. i used to smoke too, in college or wuteva, but it just is a waste. we've talked and i gave him an altermatum but he felt like he's too good for altermatums. maybe i was stupid to fold, but we're still together. see, the issue is that its wasting his money, and then he comes to me and others when he's broke. not always, but at times and it gets me tight. very tight. i tell him but he doesnt seem to understand the magnitude of wuts going on with me. maybe he just doesnt get it. see, i know that after a long time together, people tend to fade...but i make sure that that doesnt happen. i hold myself well. i mean im not gorgeous but i know im very pretty and have a good head on my shoulders. im 5'2 an 110lbs. i keep myself good for the interest and it doesnt seem to matter. i dunno but maybe something else is making him not care. i'd appreciate any advice. anything at all. thanx
Jennifer, i just wanted to reply to this topic before i went to bed, its late here. i was the one that told you to post. Been with him for seven years, by my maths that made you 16ish when you got together...very young.
what i would say right now is that 7 years is a long time to throw away, and that is always a last resort. you'll have to persuade him to stop or put up with it. sounds simple but harsh. do you really think you have the power to tell him to stop something he has been doing for years? will he listen to you coz all we can offer is advice...if you think you can persuade him then perhaps someone on here has the proper skills to advise you on this matter.
we argue a lot on these forums but there are some very smart folks on both sides
my immediate instinct (putting myself in your situation) is to try and talk to the person, make sure they know you are very serious and could jeopardise your relationship...explain the facts and tell him you dont like it...period.
your ultimatums didnt work in the past so maybe he doesnt respect the relationship as much as you do...just a thought...
what i would say right now is that 7 years is a long time to throw away, and that is always a last resort. you'll have to persuade him to stop or put up with it. sounds simple but harsh. do you really think you have the power to tell him to stop something he has been doing for years? will he listen to you coz all we can offer is advice...if you think you can persuade him then perhaps someone on here has the proper skills to advise you on this matter.
we argue a lot on these forums but there are some very smart folks on both sides
my immediate instinct (putting myself in your situation) is to try and talk to the person, make sure they know you are very serious and could jeopardise your relationship...explain the facts and tell him you dont like it...period.
your ultimatums didnt work in the past so maybe he doesnt respect the relationship as much as you do...just a thought...
refinnej said:im jennifer. im 23, but have lots of experiences in life and i consider myself a strong person. but there are times where i feel like just giving it all up. well here it goes. i've been in a relationship for seven years. yes, pretty long i know. the issue is that he just cannot stop smoking weed. i mean it may not sound serious but its just tolling on me big time to where i just tend to break down. its everyday and lots of it. i mean its rediculous. i used to smoke too, in college or wuteva, but it just is a waste. we've talked and i gave him an altermatum but he felt like he's too good for altermatums. maybe i was stupid to fold, but we're still together. see, the issue is that its wasting his money, and then he comes to me and others when he's broke. not always, but at times and it gets me tight. very tight. i tell him but he doesnt seem to understand the magnitude of wuts going on with me. maybe he just doesnt get it. see, i know that after a long time together, people tend to fade...but i make sure that that doesnt happen. i hold myself well. i mean im not gorgeous but i know im very pretty and have a good head on my shoulders. im 5'2 an 110lbs. i keep myself good for the interest and it doesnt seem to matter. i dunno but maybe something else is making him not care. i'd appreciate any advice. anything at all. thanx
Try to get him on a bike , exercize works wonders and he'll not miss the weed half as much as if he just trys to stop cold turkey.Or join the local cycling club yourself and then keep accidentaly mentioning all the fit blokes that go ,that may 'motivate' him.If he never stops he'll smoke till he dies .Stop or smoke till you die.Make the point that most people that smoke from a young age 'grow' out of it and it's about time he did.There is no other choice but to stop,dope will kill him and 'lick out his brain' tell him all this and MAKE him understand that it is painfull for you to watch the person you love give his life to dope instead of you.[sorry if i seem harsh but you need to tell HIM these things ]Ask him to look at 30-40-50 yr old dopeheads.....not exactly full of vitality and health are they.Good luck ,and try something that you've not tried before,keep us posted.
