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Buzzard Ramjet

Started by Trevor Barton · · Last activity · 17 posts · 1,877 views

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UK and Europe
Published
6 August 2003
Last activity
8 August 2003
Original author
Trevor Barton
Posts
17
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  1. A Buzzard Ramjet is an as-yet fictional but probably practicable interstellar spaceship drive which
    uses magnetic fields, extending in a butterfly-like shape thousands of kilometers into the
    interstellar medium ahead and to the side of the craft, to gather hydrogen from the interstellar
    medium. The hydrogen thus gathered is funnelled into the mechanism and then subjected to atomic
    fusion to create thrust, thus propelling the spacecraft.

    I have a precursor to the magnetic gatherer attached to my head. As I cycle, the fields extend
    meters ahead and to my side into the intercyclist medium to gather bugs, which are funnelled into my
    mouth or, in the rare occasions it isn't gasping for air, any other convienient cranial orifice.

    The efficiency of the gatherer is directly in proportion to the proximity of smelly farm animals
    and, more directly, their excreta, the smell of which apparently acts as as a catalyzer. Insects
    gathered in these areas tend to ingress at higher energies, causing them to rattle round inside my
    mouth before hitting the back of my throat. This induces a violent gag reflex accompanied by a
    possibly imagined distinct taste of cow pooh.

    If anyone has a field neutraliser, please let me have a copy of the blueprints?

    Trev

  2. Quoted message said:

    If anyone has a field neutraliser, please let me have a copy of the blueprints?

    There is a field dampener available in the form of dental enamel - acts as a sieve ;-)

    Cheers helen s

    ~~~~~~~~~~
    This is sent from a redundant email Mail sent to it is dumped My correct one can be gleaned from
    h$**$*$el$**e$n$**$d$**$o$*$t**$$s$**$im$mo$ns*@a$**o$l.c$$*o$*m*$ by getting rid of the
    overdependence on money and fame
    ~~~~~~~~~~

  3. Trevor Barton <[email hidden]> wrote in :"]news:[email hidden]:

    Quoted message said:

    A Buzzard Ramjet is an as-yet fictional

    ITYM Bussard

    bbc.co.ukA600436

    </pedant>

    Fragg

  4. In "]news:[email hidden], Fraggle <[email hidden]> typed:

    Quoted message said:


    bbc.co.ukA600436

    </pedant>

    My personal favourite is GB Patent 1310990 :

    quern.demon.co.uksaucer.html

    Tony

    --
    "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not
    dying." Woody Allen

  5. Trevor Barton said:

    A Buzzard Ramjet

    Bussard.

    Quoted message said:

    This induces a violent gag reflex accompanied by a possibly imagined distinct taste of cow pooh.

    I definitely munched a gnat tonight. They're pretty tasteless, but the odd moth I get (usually
    riding home from the pub) is considerably yuckier.

  6. Fraggle said:

    Trevor Barton <[email hidden]> wrote in :"]news:[email hidden]:

    Quoted message said:

    A Buzzard Ramjet is an as-yet fictional

    ITYM Bussard

    bbc.co.ukA600436

    </pedant>

    Fragg

    For those that read sci-fi (Larry Niven covers this a lot) the Bussard module also makes a bloody
    good weapon - a charged ion stream several thousand K long will really ruin your day if it sweeps
    across you.

    Only in space though, as pointing the ol' Ronny Raygun Star Wars Death Beam (TM) from space would
    dissipate before it got to ground through our kind of atmosphere. Otherwise, if it was a really big
    module, think ID4 (ship over the Whitehouse). Want one on the front of my bike for use on ignorant
    motorists.

    BTW - Tau Zero is a book I re-read at least yearly... awesome concept. No bicycles though 🙁

    Gary

    --------------------------------------------------
    Reply to gary <at> data <dot> mildenhall <dot> com
    --------------------------------------------------

  7. "Andy Dingley" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:
    Trevor Barton said:

    A Buzzard Ramjet

    Bussard.

    Quoted message said:

    This induces a violent gag reflex accompanied by a possibly imagined distinct taste of cow pooh.

    I definitely munched a gnat tonight. They're pretty tasteless, but the odd moth I get (usually
    riding home from the pub) is considerably yuckier.


    A couple of years ago I was driving through Texas in the early twilight when I went through a
    swarm of unidentified insects that made a lot of noise as they hit the screen, leaving masses of
    yellow poo on the screen. Then a motorcylist came round the bend in the opposite direction -
    open-face helmet...

    ...doesn't bear thinking about, does it?

    Simon

  8. Tony Raven said:

    My personal favourite is GB Patent 1310990 :
    quern.demon.co.uksaucer.html

    "cat-powered anti-ballistic missile system"

    Genius! Snk!

    Dave Larrington - legslarry.beerdrinkers.co.uklegslarry.beerdrinkers.co.uk
    ===========================================================
    Editor - British Human Power Club Newsletter
    bhpc.org.ukbhpc.org.uk
    ===========================================================

  9. "Dave Larrington" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:
    Tony Raven said:

    My personal favourite is GB Patent 1310990 :
    quern.demon.co.uksaucer.html

    "cat-powered anti-ballistic missile system"

    Wouldn't a 'ballistic powered anti cat missile system' be a much more relevant contribution to human
    happiness.

    I'd set one up in my garden in a flash.

    Exterminate. Exterminate.

    T

  10. Trevor Barton <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:<[email hidden]>...

    <snippety snip snip snip>

    Quoted message said:

    If anyone has a field neutraliser, please let me have a copy of the blueprints?

    Trev

    Would a Dimensional Warp Generator do the trick?? davesplanet.netstore

  11. Tony W said:


    "Dave Larrington" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:
    Tony Raven said:

    My personal favourite is GB Patent 1310990 :
    quern.demon.co.uksaucer.html

    "cat-powered anti-ballistic missile system"

    Wouldn't a 'ballistic powered anti cat missile system' be a much more relevant contribution to
    human happiness.

    I'd set one up in my garden in a flash.

    Exterminate. Exterminate.

    T

    If you mean what I think you mean, my better-half has found that rubbing the neighbour's cat's nose
    in a pile of it's own stops it from even coming near the garden. For some reason the feline f'wits
    take great offence and avoid the garden like it's full of Pit Bulls 🙂

    Not my idea of fun though - my personal "£!%&(" is winged rats and their tarmac eating ammonia
    specials. Some of the paths around here are shredded. Phasers on barbecue.

    Gary

    --------------------------------------------------
    Reply to gary <at> data <dot> mildenhall <dot> com
    --------------------------------------------------

  12. "Gary Sinnott" <[email hidden]> wrote in message "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:


    If you mean what I think you mean, my better-half has found that rubbing the neighbour's cat's
    nose in a pile of it's own stops it from even coming near the garden. For some reason the feline
    f'wits take great offence and avoid the garden like it's full of Pit Bulls 🙂

    Clearly, if the feline craps in my garden -- and I have strong evidence to refute the claim made by
    ALL cat owners that 'they always bury it' -- I think a painful death for the feline and the stupid
    owner is appropriate.

    However, I am unwilling to spend effort catching the think to smash its nose in the
    afforementioned [censored].

    If the feline is just passing through I might allow it a less painful death.

    Quoted message said:

    Not my idea of fun though - my personal "£!%&(" is winged rats and their tarmac eating ammonia
    specials. Some of the paths around here are shredded. Phasers on barbecue.

    A resident Magpie seems to keep them at bay 🙂 However, it also keeps all other birds at bay
    as well 🙁

    Phasers on kill seems a better solution.

    To keep (vaguely) on topic -- I also want a handle bar mounted phaser to eliminate all those f'wits
    who have a canine on the end of a very long piece of string -- normally found with the canine on one
    side of my route and the 'human' (I doubt this as no human would be so stupid -- they must be mutant
    aliens) on the other. And, to make the world a happier place we could phaser the canine as well --
    that would stop its manic yapping 🙂

    T

  13. Tony W said:


    "Gary Sinnott" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:


    If you mean what I think you mean, my better-half has found that rubbing the neighbour's cat's
    nose in a pile of it's own stops it from even coming near the garden. For some reason the feline
    f'wits take great offence and avoid the garden like it's full of Pit Bulls 🙂

    Clearly, if the feline craps in my garden -- and I have strong evidence to refute the claim made by
    ALL cat owners that 'they always bury it' -- I think a painful death for the feline and the stupid
    owner is appropriate.

    Aah - but they *do* always bury it - that's why the owner never sees any in *their* gardens. It's
    always sitting *on* yours 😉

    Quoted message said:

    However, I am unwilling to spend effort catching the think to smash its nose in the
    afforementioned [censored].

    This one was just in passing - thought it could slink by in that feline way - got grabbed by the
    scruff and a hand in a plastic bag did the rest. Not seen the cat since. Must be wondering why
    everything it now sniffs smells of cat s***.

    Quoted message said:

    If the feline is just passing through I might allow it a less painful death.

    Quoted message said:

    Not my idea of fun though - my personal "£!%&(" is winged rats and their tarmac eating ammonia
    specials. Some of the paths around here are shredded. Phasers on barbecue.

    A resident Magpie seems to keep them at bay 🙂 However, it also keeps all other birds at bay
    as well 🙁

    Phasers on kill seems a better solution.

    To keep (vaguely) on topic -- I also want a handle bar mounted phaser to eliminate all those f'wits
    who have a canine on the end of a very long piece of string -- normally found with the canine on
    one side of my route and the 'human' (I doubt this as no human would be so stupid -- they must be
    mutant aliens) on the other. And, to make the world a happier place we could phaser the canine as
    well -- that would stop its manic yapping 🙂

    T

    No - with them you make an example for any others in the area so they learn to stay outta the way -
    a Klingon disruptor would do it. Very painful & nasty. Suddenly, no mutants to worry about 🙂

    Go for the bar mounted autocannon type using a helmet mounted HUD and voice control - but you'll
    need to learn to speak Klingon first. Just enough to be able to say "enemy" and "friend". You'll get
    some odd looks from passers-by but not for very long. Also works wonders for boy racers and large
    trucks at traffic lights.

    Not sure if you can get them mail order here yet but I'm sure Maplin do the parts 🙁

    Gary

    --------------------------------------------------
    Reply to gary <at> data <dot> mildenhall <dot> com
    --------------------------------------------------

  14. Fraggle said:

    Trevor Barton <[email hidden]> wrote in :"]news:[email hidden]:

    Quoted message said:

    A Buzzard Ramjet is an as-yet fictional

    ITYM Bussard

    bbc.co.ukA600436

    </pedant>

    J'know, yor right! I first met ramjets about 20 years ago and (mis)read it as Buzzard, and that's
    how I've always read it since. Amazing how the mind can fool you. I have a similar problem with the
    word misled, which I have always read pronounced as mizzled (rhyming with fizzled), and to my
    reading mind it's not the same word as the spoken word "mis-led". As far as I am concerned, I use
    "mis-led" in spoken conversation, but I have never seen it written down. I've seen "mizzled" written
    down but never heard anyone say it in conversation - well I have once or twice to the bemusment of
    those around me. It has a nice ring to it, because it sounds like a verb related to miserable - "He
    really mizzled me"

    Trev

  15. Tony W was sufficiently re-animated to talk about Buzzard Ramjet

    Quoted message said:


    "Gary Sinnott" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:


    If you mean what I think you mean, my better-half has found that rubbing the neighbour's cat's
    nose in a pile of it's own stops it from even coming near the garden. For some reason the feline
    f'wits take great offence and avoid the garden like it's full of Pit Bulls 🙂

    Clearly, if the feline craps in my garden -- and I have strong evidence to refute the claim made by
    ALL cat owners that 'they always bury it' -- I think a painful death for the feline and the stupid
    owner is appropriate.


    No, they don't, not if it's disputed territory. The best answer is - get a bigger cat!

    Jon (owner of small but very, very fierce moggy)

    --
    Why does everything nice I buy at the moment keep @##*%ing breaking? [email hidden] NOT!!
    nospam=defblade

  16. Trevor Barton was sufficiently re-animated to talk about Buzzard Ramjet

    Quoted message said:

    . I've seen "mizzled" written down but never heard anyone say it in conversation - well I have
    once or twice to the bemusment of those around me. It has a nice ring to it, because it sounds
    like a verb related to miserable - "He really mizzled me"

    "Mizzle" is misty drizzle. Most cyclists will be aware of this stuff, especially those of us cursed
    to wear glasses. Not quite heavy enough to put waterproofs on, but sits all over your specs and
    refuses to join up and run off like proper rain. Whilst I have used mizzle and mizzling fairly often
    in conversation, I must admit I'm not sure if I've ever used it in the past tense🙂

    Cheers

    Jon
    --
    Why does everything nice I buy at the moment keep @##*%ing breaking? [email hidden] NOT!!
    nospam=defblade

  17. "Jon Martin" <[email hidden]> wrote in message "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    No, they don't, not if it's disputed territory. The best answer is - get a bigger cat!

    So the world is suddenly full of even more of the detestable bloody things -- NO WAY.

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