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The 101 Dumbest Moments in Business =
Our fourth annual review of the most shameful, dishonest, and just plain stupid moments of
the past year.
By Adam Horowitz, Mark Athitakis, Mark Lasswell, and Owen Thomas, January/February
2004 Issue =
The List: =
1 (TIE) Two greedy Richards. =
Richard the First In August, the board of the New York Stock Exchange decides to
give CEO **** Grasso his $139.5 million pension up front, ostensibly to save the
estimated $10 million it would cost to deliver the payout at retirement. Grasso
offers a succinct if not altogether satisfying explanation: "I'm blessed." When a
firestorm erupts over Grasso's payday, he graciously agrees not to take another
$48 million he has coming to him. Then, a week later, Grasso "resigns"=97and
quickly claims he was fired, which entitles him to another $58 million, including
the $48 million he had promised to forgo.
Richard the Second In October, New York attorney general Eliot Spitzer's wide-ranging
investigation of the mutual-fund industry reveals that **** Strong, the founder and chairman
of Strong Financial, has made $600,000=97the=
equivalent of about 60 bucks to a regular working stiff=97through market-timing=
trades contrary to his own company's rules. He's forced to resign and may have to sell his nearly
90 percent stake in the firm, valued at just under $1 billion. =
=B7 Grasso Isn't Greener for Tech =
=B7 A Word of Caution =
=
3 Don't hate the player. Hate the game. =
In September, retail chain Urban Outfitters begins peddling Ghettopoly, a Monopoly
knockoff. The top hat, shoe, and car are replaced with a machine gun, marijuana leaf,
basketball, and rock of crack cocaine. Reacting to protests, Urban Outfitters pulls the
game from its stores. =
=B7 Why Sharper Image Is Playing the Hits Again =
=B7 The Best Gifts at the Right Price =
=
4 The next day, Count Chocula drops by to pick up an application. =
Dairy Queen franchisee W.A. Enterprises is docked $700,000 by a jury in Richmond,
Va., after DQ employee Ayman Ahmed Hasaballa allegedly slides into a booth next to a female
customer, pulls down her sweater, bites her breast, and says, "I am like Dracula." The
jury holds the company responsible because it didn't fire Hasaballa six months earlier
after he allegedly attacked a female co-worker. =
=B7 When Should Pity Stop a Firing? =
=
5 If we accuse them of backpedaling, does that make them a target? =
"We deeply regret that comments made by on-air personalities were misinterpreted. Clear
Channel does not condone advocating violence in any form."=97Clear Channel Radio CEO John
Hogan, after disc jockeys a= t three of the company's stations urge listeners to attack
bicyclists with tactics that include slamming on car brakes, throwing open car doors
suddenly, and beaning riders with soda bottles. =
=B7 Skimming From the Wages of Sin =
=B7 Commercials That Rock =
=
6 The company places the blame on junior analyst Mary Jane Bogart, a chronic underachiever
who never has the straight dope and often fails to weed out her own mistakes. =
Research firm Nielsen/NetRatings issues a report describing a website called the Blunt Truth
as "an educational resource for marijuana." It's actually an online game site in which teens
reveal secrets to one another anonymously. =
=B7 What Direct Marketers Are Smoking These Days =
=B7 Smoke 'Em -- If You Can Get 'Em =
=
7 The annual Pearl Harbor Day bash, however, is a real blast. =
In August, online "social planning destination" Evite sends an apology to its users for
having cited Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, as a "reason to party" in an earlier
e-mail newsletter. =
=B7 Home for the Holiday =
=B7 You Will Attend the Christmas Party. And You Will Like It. =
=
8 Just to be on the safe side, let's also lose the jack, the fuel pump, and the four-
stroke engine.
In Canada, General Motors is forced to come up with a new name for its Buick LaCrosse sedan
after discovering that crosse is a slang term for masturbation in Quebec. =
=B7 GM's Race to the Future =
=B7 How the New T-Bird Went Off Course =
=
9 It then opens a new store in La Crosse, Wis. =
In April, Swedish furniture giant Ikea explains that a children's bunk bed called the Gutvik
is named for "a tiny town in Sweden." Announcing that bit of etymology becomes necessary
when Germans point out that, in their neck of the woods, the word sounds like a phrase that
means "good f***." Ikea yanks the Gutvik from its catalogs in Germany. =
=B7 Don't Be a Numpty =
=
10 Buick LaCrosse buyers were sorely disappointed. =
In November, Chrysler announces that it will sponsor the Lingerie Bowl, a football game to
be played by female models airing as a pay-per-view special during halftime of the Super
of the event, CEO Dieter Zetsche quickly distances himself from the spectacle, claiming he had no
knowledge that it was in the works. The company reportedly pressures the event's producers to
change the players' uniforms, demanding that participants wear sports bras and volleyball shorts;
then, a week later, it drops the event altogether. =
=B7 Punt, Pass, and Pitch =
=B7 Notes From the 50-Yard Line =
Dave Miller wrote:
> =
> The Jan/Feb addition of Business 2.0 has a "101 Dumbest Moments in Business" article. #5 ) "We
> regret that comments made by on-air personalities were misinterpreted....." from "CEO John Hogan,
> after disc jockeys at three of the company's stations urge listeners to attack bicyclists with
> tactics that include slamming on car brakes, throwing open car doors suddenly, and beaning riders
> with soda bottles"
> =
> Interestingly enough, the article does not seem to appear on the web site www.business2.com
