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Embarrassment - best location

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Australia and New Zealand
Published
19 January 2007
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23 January 2007
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SteveA
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  1. If you have to embarrass yourself by "doing the horizontal track-stand", where is the best place to ensure maximum embarrassment?

    In front of the dog? In front of a handful of total strangers? In front of the family?

    No, the best place is coming out of the underground carpark at work when you try to track stand on the ramp behind a colleague* in a car who is waiting for a break in traffic on the street.

    Best way to deal with it in the office next day?

    Tell all the other cyclists so they can laugh with you instead of at you. 😄

    And I blame the fact that I have just started commuting with panniers instead of my previous backpack for making me less stable (anyone for a debate about panniers v backpacks again? :eek: )

    * the colleague driver is also a cyclist

    SteveA

  2. SteveA said:

    If you have to embarrass yourself by "doing the horizontal track-stand", where is the best place to ensure maximum embarrassment?

    In front of the dog? In front of a handful of total strangers? In front of the family?

    Try doing drills or practice stuff on a sports oval. I thought I'd found a discreet location in Coburg a few years ago to do such stuff. Unfortunately the oval was within eyesight of the velodrome. So anyway I mucked around doing figure-8's blahblah for a little while, until the gentle sound of laughter drifted to my ears. Great. There's a couple of blokes up there having a cackle. Suitably demoralised, I stopped and cycled home in a sook. 🙁

  3. Best one i've done? In Port Melbourne, lovely spring mid afternoon, I was track standing at the corner of Beach Road and Bay St there, few cars around, couple of cyclists and a STACK of people at the pub on the corner looking out onto the beach, and thusly straight across at me track standing.

    Having just completed about 100km that morning and about to commence the route home. A little tired I lost concentration and balance and went to put a foot down. However I managed to get my left foot out, but I was falling to my right

    Tried to put my foot under the bike to give me some balance back to stop me falling but no, down I went. Much to the laughter of all those around me.

    All I could do was grin and laugh at myself too.

  4. I wonder if Lotte will OWN up with her story?

    Donga

  5. Donga said:

    I wonder if Lotte will OWN up with her story?

    It's so recent, I'm still scarred.

    My most recent (of many) embarrassing moment happened last weekend, whilst riding with Donga in the bush. We were riding along a fireroad and went to turn onto a track to the right. There were a bunch of blokes standing around at the intersection of the two tracks, so I greeted them, then promptly lost the front wheel and went down on my [censored]. It may have been cool if I was riding at a reasonable pace, but I was actually going pretty slow.

    To make matters worse, Donga got out his camera and threatened me with it. I do hope you didn't get a photo of that...

    I'm still cringing.

    Lotte

  6. Paulie-AU said:
    Donga said:

    I wonder if Lotte will OWN up with her story?It's so recent, I'm still scarred.

    My most recent (of many) embarrassing moment happened last weekend,
    whilst riding with Donga in the bush. We were riding along a fireroad
    and went to turn onto a track to the right. There were a bunch of
    blokes standing around at the intersection of the two tracks, so I
    greeted them, then promptly lost the front wheel and went down on my
    [censored]. It may have been cool if I was riding at a reasonable pace, but
    I was actually going pretty slow.

    To make matters worse, Donga got out his camera and threatened me with
    it. I do hope you didn't get a photo of that...

    I'm still cringing.

    Lotte

    --
    Paulie-AU

    You're safe - the 'camera' was just a sledge - my phone pre-dates
    cameras!
    But I think you've got a secret wish there was a pic.

    Donga

  7. SteveA said:

    If you have to embarrass yourself by "doing the horizontal track-stand", where is the best place to ensure maximum embarrassment?


    My best one was hanging around after a race chatting to a few people whilst trackstanding. Stuffed up and hit the gravel face first, you can bet that got a good reaction from the 70 odd riders who got to watch.

  8. Donga said:

    But I think you've got a secret wish there was a pic.


    Yes, I love watching elephants playing in the dirt.

  9. SteveA said:

    If you have to embarrass yourself by "doing the horizontal track-stand",
    where is the best place to ensure maximum embarrassment?

    Attire also makes a difference. When I was a teenager I stacked at a
    traffic light on the way to Tai Kwan Do practice... dressed in my
    uniform.

    Travis

  10. SteveA said:

    If you have to embarrass yourself by "doing the horizontal track-stand", where is the best place to ensure maximum embarrassment?

    SteveA

    How about outside a Lawn Bowls club just as the visiting team of lady bowlers is getting off their bus.
    45 inquiries, "are you alright dear?" and dozens of invitations to have a cup of tea in the club house.

    Second day of being clipped in and weaving around vehicles trying to park.
    There is so much to remember when you want to stop.

    Cheers

    Hugh

  11. The most embarrassing moments are those when you fall off when it
    appears noone is looking... but you just KNOW there's someone hiding
    behind their lounge room curtains RAOTFL! I once fell off the right
    hand side of my bike while simply getting on from the left. I couldn't
    see anyone around but I was so red in the face it was like the trees
    were laughing at me!

    --
    Bean

    "I've got a bike
    You can ride it if you like
    It's got a basket
    A bell that rings
    And things to make it look good
    I'd give it to you if I could
    But I borrowed it" Pink Floyd

    Remove "yourfinger" before replying

  12. Last night - but nobody saw....

    Riding home in the rain at 11:30 - poorly light road and the bike-path
    a good 10 metres away from it into the bargain - read "dark as the
    inside of a cow".

    Now add to the equation that my batteries in my headlight are flat and
    that as a consequence it had switched to "moon-glow" survival mode or
    some such other nonsense described in detail in the literature.

    I had/have new batteries in my backpack - but hey me stop in the rain
    and change them - not me.

    The final part of the equation leading up to the "moment" is that there
    were quite a few cars coming from the opposite direction, their
    headlights glinting off the rain on my glasses (which are like coke
    bottle bottoms anyway) meant that every time a car came along from the
    opposite direction I had to slow to a virtual crawl.

    Result, one wet, [censored]-off and tired bicycle rider wending his weary
    way home.

    At last, within sight of the turnoff to home there were no more cars,
    and I knew from long practice that the bike-path is as straight as a
    dye from that point on to the the next intersection about 500m away.

    Time to crank up the pace.

    By the dim glow of the only streetlight I saw that I was maintaining a
    80 cadence which translates to 34kph. Then at the darkest section of
    that straight bit of track I plowed into a Coles shopping trolley left
    in the middle of the track.

    15kg of strongly built 20 year old MTB and 100kg of me drop-kicked that
    trolley a surprising distance, and after I picked myself up the bike is
    only a little bit bent - I rode it home.

    Even more surprising, the wet path seems to have inflicted little if
    any injury on me - in short I've got away scott free.

    would have been embarrassing if anyone had seen though :-)

    --

  13. my worst was when waiting at the lights on a very busy main road in brisbane... getting a bit wobbly so time to unclip...

    nope, no unclip. unclip un-possible.

    so here i topple, in a less than graceful arc, to the ashphalt beside me which was thankfully free of cars... right in front of a family of absolute PORKERS who proceeded to point and laugh at me quite heartily.

    i unclipped as soon as i hit the ground of course...

  14. Not quite cycling, but the only time I ever drove a Porsche, I stalled
    it at the lights outside a large beer garden. Of course, they all
    hooted me, as I would have done.

  15. My best one was a couple of years ago when I was on a course near Albury and
    went for a road bike ride with one of the chicks from the course. The ride
    was fairly slow and at the end of it we were on a quiet street that was a
    fairly steep uphill and as she was going so slow, I decided to spice things
    up by popping a couple of wheelies. I did one that was OK and went for
    about 6 pedals or so and then I made the mistake of going for a second one.
    Got a bit carried away on the initial pull up of the front wheel and went
    straight past the balance point. Of course my hands were on the flat part
    of the bar so I couldn't feather the rear brake and the front wheel kept on
    coming up and I ended up hitting the ground really hard with my [censored] (approx
    100kg of me coming down from the height of my seat must have looked pretty
    impressive!!!). Luckily I didn't rip open my knicks but I had a massive
    bruise and weepy skin on my right butt cheek (an oval shape about 15cm x
    10cm) that took weeks to heal. I also managed to rip the back of the seat
    out of the seat rail on the right hand side which was a bugger to get back
    in and I ended up having to use a big screwdriver to get enough leverage to
    bend the rail back in (CrMo rails).

    All in all it was very embarrassing and I was dreading how much [censored] I was
    going to cop from the other guys on the course (about 40 or so in total).
    Luckily, no one else was around to see it and for some unknown reason the
    girl I was riding with kept it to herself.

    Gags

    BTW, I have not attempted any wheelstands on my roadies since then!!!

  16. Donga said:

    Not quite cycling, but the only time I ever drove a Porsche, I stalled
    it at the lights outside a large beer garden. Of course, they all
    hooted me, as I would have done.

    You hear about that guy in Perth who wrote off his brand new Ferrari a
    few weeks ago in front of the Windsor hotel? The patrons were hooting
    at him so he flipped the bird and gunned it... straight into a traffic
    light.

    But it was worse than embarrassing himself in front of a bunch of rowdy
    bar patrons, it received attention in the newspapers and he was
    photographed by a press photographer.

    And... because he had an elevated blood alcohol level the insurance
    won't pay on his car. $400K gone, just like that.

    And... the Main Roads Dept is going to go after him for the costs of
    repairing the traffic light.

    Ouch!

    Travis

  17. Gags said:

    My best one was a couple of years ago when I was on a course near Albury and
    went for a road bike ride with one of the chicks from the course. The ride
    was fairly slow and at the end of it we were on a quiet street that was a
    fairly steep uphill and as she was going so slow, I decided to spice things
    up by popping a couple of wheelies. I did one that was OK and went for
    about 6 pedals or so and then I made the mistake of going for a second one.
    Got a bit carried away on the initial pull up of the front wheel and went
    straight past the balance point. Of course my hands were on the flat part
    of the bar so I couldn't feather the rear brake and the front wheel kept on
    coming up and I ended up hitting the ground really hard with my [censored] (approx
    100kg of me coming down from the height of my seat must have looked pretty
    impressive!!!). Luckily I didn't rip open my knicks but I had a massive
    bruise and weepy skin on my right butt cheek (an oval shape about 15cm x
    10cm) that took weeks to heal. I also managed to rip the back of the seat
    out of the seat rail on the right hand side which was a bugger to get back
    in and I ended up having to use a big screwdriver to get enough leverage to
    bend the rail back in (CrMo rails).

    Quoted message said:

    All in all it was very embarrassing and I was dreading how much [censored] I was
    going to cop from the other guys on the course (about 40 or so in total).
    Luckily, no one else was around to see it and for some unknown reason the
    girl I was riding with kept it to herself.

    Gags

    BTW, I have not attempted any wheelstands on my roadies since then!!!

    I've collected some funny stories off the newsgroups and put them here

    http://www.geo.net.au/~mart/funny_cycling_stories.htm

    and

    http://www.hyperactive.oz.nf/Funny%20Triathlon%20stories.htm

    Friday

  18. On 2007-01-22, Travis (aka Bruce)
    was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:

    Quoted message said:
    Donga said:

    Not quite cycling, but the only time I ever drove a Porsche, I stalled
    it at the lights outside a large beer garden. Of course, they all
    hooted me, as I would have done.

    You hear about that guy in Perth who wrote off his brand new Ferrari a
    few weeks ago in front of the Windsor hotel? The patrons were hooting
    at him so he flipped the bird and gunned it... straight into a traffic
    light.

    But it was worse than embarrassing himself in front of a bunch of rowdy
    bar patrons, it received attention in the newspapers and he was
    photographed by a press photographer.

    And... because he had an elevated blood alcohol level the insurance
    won't pay on his car. $400K gone, just like that.

    And... the Main Roads Dept is going to go after him for the costs of
    repairing the traffic light.

    That... is gorgeous.

    --
    TimC
    SIGTHTBABW: a signal sent from Unix to its programmers at random
    intervals to make them remember that There Has To Be A Better Way.

  19. TimC said:

    On 2007-01-22, Travis (aka Bruce)
    was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:

    Quoted message said:
    Donga said:

    Not quite cycling, but the only time I ever drove a Porsche, I stalled
    it at the lights outside a large beer garden. Of course, they all
    hooted me, as I would have done.

    You hear about that guy in Perth who wrote off his brand new Ferrari a
    few weeks ago in front of the Windsor hotel? The patrons were hooting
    at him so he flipped the bird and gunned it... straight into a traffic
    light.

    But it was worse than embarrassing himself in front of a bunch of rowdy
    bar patrons, it received attention in the newspapers and he was
    photographed by a press photographer.

    And... because he had an elevated blood alcohol level the insurance
    won't pay on his car. $400K gone, just like that.

    And... the Main Roads Dept is going to go after him for the costs of
    repairing the traffic light.

    That... is gorgeous.

    --
    TimC
    SIGTHTBABW: a signal sent from Unix to its programmers at random
    intervals to make them remember that There Has To Be A Better Way.

    Better yet - he didn't own the car. It was on loan from the local Ferrari dealer, Alf Barbagallo. I'm told that he had it in a sideways powerslide around the lefthand corner which would have been all good except that the traction control cut in, the wheels stopped smoking and the car straightened up and went bang into the pole. (Blood alcohol content .244)

    SteveA

  20. SteveA said:

    .Better yet - he didn't own the car. It was on loan from the local
    Ferrari dealer, Alf Barbagallo. I'm told that he had it in a sideways
    powerslide around the lefthand corner which would have been all good
    except that the traction control cut in, the wheels stopped smoking and
    the car straightened up and went bang into the pole. (Blood alcohol
    content .244)

    Full story.. and pics.

    http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/crunch-time-for-300000-ferrari/2006/12/21/1166290658779.html
    http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20950916-1245,00.html

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