"Dave Smith" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...
Quoted message said:MareCat said:
I've only ever been to two funerals -- one for a coworker who died of a
heart attack at the age of 35, and one for a friend who died of stomach
cancer at the age of 46. Everyone else who's ever been close to me is
still
living.
Consider yourself lucky. My parents used to take us to family funerals
(great
aunts and great uncles) from the time I was very young. I was a pall
bearer at
the funeral of my best friend who was killed in a motorcycle accident when
I was
14,
At about that age, I went to my best friend's mother's funeral. I had spent
the last year watching the woman die of breast cancer. Before that, I spent
a lot of time at the house, and I always thought she was the nicest, most
perfect mom ever.
and again 4 months later for another friend who was killed in a car
Quoted message said:accident. I hate funerals, but attendance is, IMO, a matter of doing the
right
thing, whether you like funerals or not.
It's doing the right thing, up to a point. Some people manage to cause so
much commotion at a wake or funeral that the family would be better off
without them attending. I can recall a certain ex-husband and wife who
nearly caused a brawl at one funeral, and another sister who wailed and
cried and carried on at the loss of her brother so much that you'd think she
lost her best and only true friend. Even though she hadn't found the time or
energy to pick up the phone and call that brother for a good 10-15 years.
The dramatics weren't appreciated by the family members who were truly
mourning.
And if someone is just naturally over-emotional or maybe has had a recent
loss themselves and aren't under good emotional control, it might be better
to skip the wake or funeral and send flowers or whatever.
Aside from being flooded with old and
Quoted message said:sad memories at funerals, the services themselves just [censored] me right off.
Ministers always use the services as an opportunity to push their
mythology and
try to explain the their god has a reason for the person's death.
Whoever is in charge of the wake/funeral gets input into the service. Or at
least that's been my experience. If the deceased & family are very
religious, the service is, too. If the family isn't all that religious (and
if the minister is willing to go along with family wishes) the service ends
up being more of a memorial and less of a religious service.
Quoted message said:
Quoted message said:We attended a "dead spread" luncheon at the home of the 46-year-old
friend's
widow after the funeral. All of the close friends and family were asked
to
bring a dish to pass. I brought King Ranch Chicken and peach cobbler.
Lots
and lots of people attended, so there was *tons* of all sorts of food and
copious amounts of alcohol.
A few people in my wife's family have done memorial cocktail parties
instead of
funerals or wakes.
A friend's brother's wake included buddies standing around the coffin doing
shots. I wasn't there when it happened, but it was reported by several
others who were there. I believe that at some point, the deceased also had a
lit joint in his lips.
Donna
