My first dead spread

On Tue, 25 Apr 2006 19:37:40 -0400, in rec.food.cooking, "Nancy Young"
<[email hidden]> hit the crackpipe and declared:

Quoted message said:

My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.

*slaps forehead*

How tacky.

Nancy Young said:

(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
bunch of people from out of town.

So was this the first funeral you've ever attended? If so, you've
certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they do.

When my uncle died 2 years ago I insisted on having the "funeral party"
at my house afterwards...he was an s.o.b. and none of us liked him
anyway, but I adore my aunt, so I was happy to help her out. My sister
and brothers helprd me make a kick-ass buffet that raised the bar for
funerals in my family. I guess it helped that we were happy the old
fart was gone, and had no hesitation to raise the glasses of champagne
in <sniff-sniff> tribute to him.

I do love the New Orleans style of the jazz funeral though....when the
saints come marching in.....

Sandy

Nancy Young said:

(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
bunch of people from out of town.

My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.

Sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like some good people there in
Las Vegas.

My wife's aunt passed away in 1990. She and here husband were of
Armenian descent. An "old country" tradition is a meal after the
funeral. Her uncle was a well to do business man and laid out a catered
spread at the orthodox Armenian church reception hall that must have
cost thousands of dollars. There must have been at least a hundred
people there. Seems to me like an undue burden to place on a family
during a time of grief, but that's what they do.

-Rusty

<[email hidden]> wrote

Quoted message said:

Nancy Young said:

(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

Quoted message said:

So was this the first funeral you've ever attended?

No, the food at the church afterwards. I've never seen that done
before, though it seems it's common elsewhere.

Quoted message said:

If so, you've
certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they do.

It was fine, I think they did a nice thing for my sil. Really helped
us, too, what with people flying in and out from all over the country
for the service.

Quoted message said:

When my uncle died 2 years ago I insisted on having the "funeral party"
at my house afterwards...he was an s.o.b. and none of us liked him
anyway, but I adore my aunt, so I was happy to help her out. My sister
and brothers helprd me make a kick-ass buffet that raised the bar for
funerals in my family.

We would have done something like that, except that our hotel rooms
aren't suited for cooking.

nancy

Nancy Young said:

(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
bunch of people from out of town.

My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.

Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO. No matter how
I worded it, NO. Okay, I don't want to offend, still I feel funny eating
the
free food.

One woman was working behind the buffet, I said, I wanted to say how
very much we appreciate this fabulous spread of food, blah blah. She
answered me with impeccable southern manners (well, she did, I know it's
Las Vegas!) and said, we were Happy to do it, the choir considers Lyn
family etc etc.

Well, there you have it. Then, they insisted we take the food home. There
is only one home and no room there for the food, so it all went back to my
other SIL's suite. WOW, what a place they had. Just gorgeous, even to a
large private patio in front of a meandering (manmade) stream. It was
really
something. A Marriott Resort & Spa.

Anyway, the whole thing, from the funeral to the food, it was all so well
done.
Heh, in the funeral, you know where they pick out hymns? One of the 'hymns'
was that 60s song about the GTO? So funny. Obviously my BIL was very
into cars and racing.

nancy

Nancy, I think you broke a cardinal rule... what you do in Vegas stays
in Vegas. LOL

Well, hey... it's Vegas, I'm suprised there was no Elvis impersonator!
<G>

Sheldon Newton

Rusty said:

My wife's aunt passed away in 1990. She and here husband were of
Armenian descent. An "old country" tradition is a meal after the
funeral. Her uncle was a well to do business man and laid out a catered
spread at the orthodox Armenian church reception hall that must have
cost thousands of dollars. There must have been at least a hundred
people there. Seems to me like an undue burden to place on a family
during a time of grief, but that's what they do.

-Rusty

I don't think that's unusual, or "old country" at all. I've been to
lots of funerals, for family, friends, co-workers, of all races,
religions and social standings (I live on the East Coast of the US).
They typically have a meal, repast, or some sort of formal refreshment
following the service. Some are elaborate, and some are humble,
according to what they can afford. I think that families
understand/accept that social norm and plan for it when making funeral
arrangements.

Sandy

Rusty said:

Nancy Young said:

(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
bunch of people from out of town.

My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.

Sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like some good people there in
Las Vegas.

My wife's aunt passed away in 1990. She and here husband were of
Armenian descent. An "old country" tradition is a meal after the
funeral. Her uncle was a well to do business man and laid out a catered
spread at the orthodox Armenian church reception hall that must have
cost thousands of dollars. There must have been at least a hundred
people there. Seems to me like an undue burden to place on a family
during a time of grief, but that's what they do.

Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
Slivavitz.

"Nancy Young" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

<[email hidden]> wrote

Quoted message said:

Nancy Young said:

(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

Quoted message said:

So was this the first funeral you've ever attended?

No, the food at the church afterwards. I've never seen that done
before, though it seems it's common elsewhere.

Quoted message said:

If so, you've
certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they do.

It was fine, I think they did a nice thing for my sil. Really helped
us, too, what with people flying in and out from all over the country
for the service.

Quoted message said:

When my uncle died 2 years ago I insisted on having the "funeral party"
at my house afterwards...he was an s.o.b. and none of us liked him
anyway, but I adore my aunt, so I was happy to help her out. My sister
and brothers helprd me make a kick-ass buffet that raised the bar for
funerals in my family.

We would have done something like that, except that our hotel rooms
aren't suited for cooking.

nancy

Here's a book on the subject... available at Amazon for $12.97

Being Dead is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the
Perfect Funeral (Hardcover)

Chris in Pearland, TX

In article <[email hidden]>,

Nancy Young said:

(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
bunch of people from out of town.

My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.

Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO.

<rolls eyes> Jesus, Mary, and Joseph -- it's not a restaurant!! If you
REALLY want to demonstrate some thanks for their hospitality, make a
donation to the Church Ladies' Organization -- seems like every one of
'em has a project going that they need money for.

Quoted message said:

No matter how I worded it, NO. Okay, I don't want to offend, still I
feel funny eating the free food.

Quoted message said:

One woman was working behind the buffet, I said, I wanted to say how
very much we appreciate this fabulous spread of food, blah blah. She
answered me with impeccable southern manners (well, she did, I know it's
Las Vegas!) and said, we were Happy to do it, the choir considers Lyn
family etc etc.

See? Those Church Ladies are lovely women, eh?

Quoted message said:

Anyway, the whole thing, from the funeral to the food, it was all so well
done.

Quoted message said:

nancy

Good report. I attended a memorial service on Saturday. I haven't
written about the Dead Spread yet -- but it had Hotdish!! Yeay! I told
my friend I'd give it high marks. "-)

I'm sorry for your loss, Nancy. God rest his soul.
--
-Barb
<http://jamlady.eboard.com> Updated 4-20-2006 with our visit
to Kramarczuk's.
"If it's not worth doing to excess, it's not worth doing at all."

Sheldon said:

Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
Slivavitz.

What, no real food? Really? I've been to all sorts of religious
funerals before, but I guess never Jewish. It's all about the food (OK
and the booze, too).

Sandy

"Melba's Jammin'" <[email hidden]> wrote

Quoted message said:

"Nancy Young" <[email hidden]> wrote:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO.

<rolls eyes> Jesus, Mary, and Joseph -- it's not a restaurant!! If you
REALLY want to demonstrate some thanks for their hospitality, make a
donation to the Church Ladies' Organization -- seems like every one of
'em has a project going that they need money for.

(laugh!) I tried that route, they wouldn't even take a donation!

But I understand what you're saying. I was tactful, as much as I
could be ... gave it up.

nancy

"Rusty" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Nancy Young said:

(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
bunch of people from out of town.

My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.

Sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like some good people there in
Las Vegas.

My wife's aunt passed away in 1990. She and here husband were of
Armenian descent. An "old country" tradition is a meal after the
funeral. Her uncle was a well to do business man and laid out a catered
spread at the orthodox Armenian church reception hall that must have
cost thousands of dollars. There must have been at least a hundred
people there. Seems to me like an undue burden to place on a family
during a time of grief, but that's what they do.

-Rusty

Our family tradition was to take people to a restaurant for lunch afterward.
When my mother died, it was the end of October, and every restaurant I
looked into that had a private room, also had ghosts and witches and
skeletons and whatnot as Halloween decorations. If you knew my mother, you
would understand that it was eerily appropriate.

As far as cost, I don't know how folks with large families finance the
lunches. When I was a kid, I can remember the lunches being as big as some
weddings I'd been to. By the time my mom died, most of her generation was
either dead or incapacitated enough not to attend. The younger folks just
came to the wake and not the funeral, so the lunch wasn't nearly the expense
it could have been.

Donna

"projectile vomit chick" <[email hidden] > wrote in message

Quoted message said:

*slaps forehead*

How tacky.

Yeah, what were those good hearted people thinking? Before you attend a
funeral, do you get a menu for the traditional meal afterwards first to see
if you want to attend?

"Sheldon" <[email hidden]> wrote

Quoted message said:

Nancy, I think you broke a cardinal rule... what you do in Vegas stays
in Vegas. LOL

Heh, you're right, bad nancy, bad!

Quoted message said:

Well, hey... it's Vegas, I'm suprised there was no Elvis impersonator!

I only saw a couple, believe it? No, not at the funeral.

nancy

Nancy Young said:

Heh, in the funeral, you know where they pick out hymns? One of the 'hymns'
was that 60s song about the GTO?

At my funeral they'd probably play a song about the WTO.

Quoted message said:

nancy

The UN means almost nothing. The WTO is sovereign over all its member
states.

--Bryan

Quoted message said:

Nancy Young said:

(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
bunch of people from out of town.

So was this the first funeral you've ever attended? If so, you've
certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they
do.

I've only been to one funeral in my life and I didn't go with the family and
other friends afterwards so I don't know if they served a "dead spread" or
not. The deceased was a friend from high school who had only graduated the
month before. I've never been to another funeral since. Not everyone goes
to funerals. I won't again unless it's immediate family.

Jill

Sheldon said:

Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
Slivavitz.

I think you'd need to get plastered. I've only ever been to one Jewish
funeral, and I didn't go to anything afterwards (actually it was all
terribly complicated, the deceased was gay and his parents wouldn't
acknowledge his partner), but the funeral was just the bleakest I've
ever been to, cold and comfortless both physically and ceremonially.

By way of cheerng us up I am reminded of an allegedly Jewish joke that
actually has universal application.

The rabbi is on holiday and his locum has to do a funeral for a chap
he's never met. Before the ceremony he approaches members of the
congregation for information about the deceased so that he can run up a
eulogy. Every comment is negative. Time's getting on so he has to
proceed. Comes the appropriate moment and he asks the mourners "Does
nobody have anything positive to say about this man?" After a minute an
old guy in the back row raises his hand and says "His brother was worse!"

Christine

[email hidden]
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Sheldon said:

Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
Slivavitz.

What, no real food? Really? I've been to all sorts of religious
funerals before, but I guess never Jewish. It's all about the food (OK
and the booze, too).

Sandy

Sheldon pretty has it right for the most part. I've been to 2 Jewish
funerals. The one I remember most was my partner's father's. Steven's
father died and was buried the next day. After the funeral, we were taken
to Steven's father's home where there were light refreshments and plenty of
booze. We sat Shiva for 7 days and there was a ton of food brought in by
friends, neighbors and relatives. Mostly Shiva trays but some other
traditional Jewish food as well. I don't remember all of the food that was
there. It was a strange time for us.

Michael

Quoted message said:

Sheldon said:

Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
Slivavitz.

What, no real food? Really? I've been to all sorts of religious
funerals before, but I guess never Jewish. It's all about the food (OK
and the booze, too).

Sandy

The Jewish Funeral meal is not served at the synagogue, since most
services are held at a funeral home and there are no provisions made
for meals there. If it is held at the synagogue, the sponge cake and
booze and perhaps some herring and challah, too are quickly served and
eaten, so that the funeral itself can take place. I have never
attended services with such a meal.

However, shortly before the end of the services, the rabbi announces
that the mourners will be expected at the home of one of the relatives
or friends of the deceased, after the interment at the cemetery,
usually two or three hours hence.

In the past, that meal was prepared by friends of the family of the
dead person while the burial took place. Now, the family orders the
food or has it at home and all that has to be done is to arrange it on
a table, either by hired help or a friend or two. It consists of
"dairy dishes", dairy meaning that no meat is on the table, even
though fish is prominently displayed, smoked salmon, white fish,
several kinds of herring, as well as salads and cheeses, bagels,
rolls, breads and lots of desserts. There will be coffee and tea and
wine as well as hard liquor. There is usually so much food, the
sweets and drinks take up a separate table. Visitors come and go, so
that the apartment or house does not get too full of guests and it is
not unusual, that more than a hundred come to be with the bereaved.
The rabbi may come at sundown and conduct services at that home.

Many Jews observe a one week period of mourning, during which
condolence visits are made and during which food is always present.