"Sorni" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...
Quoted message said:With apologies to those I sent this to privately. (*AND* I hear it's old now, but it was
new to me.)
Very heart-warming story:
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so
we <snip>
I can't remember who posted this some time ago. It wasn't you was it Shaun? But I liked it, and
kept a copy:
PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT FOR THE BIKER
This agreement acknowledges that the forthcoming marriage is an arrangement that accepts the
perpetual continuity of pre-existing relationship between the first two parties and that a three-way
coexistence shall be created consisting of the following participants: Spouse A (the non-biking
loved one) hereafter referred to as NBLO; Spouse B (biking loved one) hereafter referred to as BLO,
and; The Bike (the glorious one) hereafter referred to as TB.
Condition I: Acknowledgment NBLO shall henceforth recognize that BLO and TB have forged a long
standing and unbreakable relationship and shall never attempt to permanently divide, or otherwise
separate the two.
Condition II: Cohabitation NBLO and BLO shall agree upon comfortable and equal living quarters for
TB, its related service equipment and riding gear. TB shall only be exposed to the elements of
nature during rides.
All other times TB shall have access to warm, dry, low traffic living space. If at any time there
should be conflict w/ NBLO, BLO or furniture, TB shall have preference as to where it stays. In
NBLO’s absence TB shall be permitted bedroom space (if not already arranged).
Condition III: Exclusivity and Infidelity At no time shall NBLO, BLO, or TB be loaned out to be
ridden by anyone outside the three-way relationship. NBLO must request from BLO permission to ride,
fondle or otherwise physically contact TB and only do so in the presence of BLO.
Condition IV: Equal Time NBLO shall be guaranteed quality time equivalent to TB unless it conflicts
with TB in which case TB gets preference. Service time shall be guaranteed and considered a separate
requirement. In the event of emergency, ie NBLO stranded, child sets hair on fire etc, BLO shall
complete whatever TB related activity as soon as possible and attend said emergency.
In the event of an in-law visit or should for any reason, BLO become depressed, or otherwise in need
of stress relief, BLO shall be permitted as much time w/TB or TB related activities, magazines,
books, events etc as needed until such time BLO feels better.
Condition V: Parts NBLO and BLO will agree that BLO be permitted and encouraged to purchase any and
all TB related equipment at any and all times, whether they be repairs, replacements, upgrades, or
just plain Chi-Chi.
Any replaced parts shall be considered cherished spares and provided appropriate storage space
equivalent to that provided for TB, preferably under the bed, favourite closet or on coffee table as
a conversation item. New Items immediately installed shall require TB to be put on prominent display
(ie in front of TV).
Newly purchased items not immediately installed shall be put on display as a centrepiece during
the day and they shall be kept under the pillow of BLO at bed time, unless it is potentially
dangerous to said part. This shall be for no less than 5 days or until they are installed
whichever comes first.
Condition VI: Finance All household finance shall be considered separate from TB finance. If
conflict should arise then TB gets preference.
Condition VII: Disposition In the event NBLO has a compatible bike BLO can offer spare parts to be
temporarily installed for use by NBLO until such time BLO requires their use on TB. No prior notice
is required.
All equipment and The Bike they are installed upon or intended for, shall remain the property of BLO
come hell or high water, and shall not be relinquished under any circumstance including death, in
which case the surviving party will be obligated to complete the upgrades (expressed, implied or
dreamed of)and bury the bike with the departed, unless TB or BLO requests a separate grave in which
case they shall be buried side by side and NBLO shall not be buried between them.
Condition VIII: Protected Communications All TB related communications intended for BLO, be they
voice (phone messages, visitors); print (mail-order catalogues, etc.); or electronic (e-mail,
buddies calling to ride, etc.) shall be forwarded and delivered to BLO as expediently as possible.
Furthermore, no censorship of said communications shall occur, and NBLO agrees to refrain from
making disparaging comments about the content of these communications and/or their source(s).
Extended Conditions: TB shall never be the focus of an argument nor brought up as part of one. TB
shall never be discussed w/ in-laws unless said discussion is in praise or defense of TB. No
retaliation shall ever be taken against TB.
All of the above is to be considered iron-clad and in stone and non negotiable, unless of course,
the nonbiker says so. Bicycle proliferation TB must be permitted to be fruitful and multiply. After
all, there can never be too many bicycles.
Each and every bicycle, whether it be TB1, TB2 ... TB5 ... TB9 etc, must be permitted comfortable
and equal living quarters as per Condition II above. NBLO shall not be permitted to complain
about the number of TB’s or how much of the precious housing square-footage they consume! The
more the merrier!
--
Westie
