There've been a lot of good questions asked lately that don't seem to be covered in the FAQ,
particularly since the last FAQ maintainer was chased out of town by trolls on horseback. The
following mini-faq should address some of these great questions. I'm sure other people can help fill
in the ones I forgot...
Q: I've never run in my life and I signed up for a marathon two months. How should I train?
R: Never fear! We'll have you running a marathon in no time flat. Marathons can be a bit painful
for the initiate, so first we'll go through some exercises designed to get you used to the
experience.
1) Go to the fish store and buy a large, frozen salmon. Go home, and bludgeon your legs with
the salmon for 60 minutes. Pay special attention to your knees, shins, and hamstrings, but
don't neglect the other bits.
2) Go to a Harley convention, and shout "I've never seen such a lilly-livered collection of
wanking spuds in my existence!" Then start running. Like the ensuing pursuit, marathons
often feel like they will never end.
3) Mental processes may degrade towards the end of a marathon.
Take two valium. Wait 30 minutes. Make a large bet with a neighbor that you can accurately
estimate the perimeter of your block by counting your footsteps as you run.
4) Take two doses of lactilose or other anti-constipation medication. Walk to work, leaving
late enough that you have no time to spare on the way there.
5) Attach two yardsticks to each leg with plenty of duct tape. Walk this way for the next two
days. For best effect, perform this workout after workout #1, and board a plane immediately
afterwords.
Q: I just ran a 5k race, and I want to know how fast I went. How do I convert my pace
time to miles?
R: It's quite simple. There are .62 imperial miles per metric kilometer. There are 70 imperial
seconds per metric minute.
If you run 4:45 min 70 seconds imperial 1 kilometer -------- * ---- * ------ k 60 seconds
metric .62 miles
(4:45 is 4.75 minutes): 8.94 minute miles, or about 8:55 pace.
Q: I just upped my mileage from 15 miles per week last week to 80 miles this week. My shins
imploded and my I-T band crawled up and smacked me alongside the head. Can anyone recommend a
better quality shoe?
R:
-Dave
--
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