The latest edition of "Partysan" Australia was forwarded onto moi this morning by a suitably concerned fellow cyclist, anyway the full text is quoted below for those who can't be ar5ed downloading the entire pdf.
http://www.partysan.com.au/Issue15.pdf
It's a mag for partyhard yoof types. Nothing of any real interest to me, other than a article that was pointed out on page 64, scribbled by a semi-literate manchild who goes by the name of "Stu Bell".
He duly suggests knocking cyclists in Sydney off their bikes for "relaxation". Anyway, I've suggested a few other suggestions below the text if you don't like Stu-babys load of infantile bollox.
For those of us with slightly longer memories may recall the Lynette Satalich case in Melbourne.
http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=33001
And taking a cue from the Don Imus incident in the US, maybe Partysan also needs a hint in the advertising revenue raising pocket?
****
Final Word By Stu Bell
I knocked a cyclist off his bike this morning. It was actually quite enjoyable - I’d recommend it to anyone as a means of relaxation, if it weren’t illegal. Thankfully, the cyclist wasn’t hurt. The wing of my car managed to absorb most of the impact, so he didn’t hit the ground that hard. He was fine, or at least he seemed to be moving in the rear view mirror.
The [censored] wind me up. Their inability to work out whether they want to be road users or pedestrians. Their inherent belief that they occupy a moral position equal to Mother Theresa. The insufferable selfishness of sidling up to the front row at the traffic lights, knowing full well they are the slowest vehicles on the road and will cause a tailback the length of Keith Richards smack habit.
Their stupid skinny hairless legs and need to wear lycra racing outfits. I mean, what the [censored] is that all about? Do I wear a full replica football strip (shirt, shorts and socks) when I go for a kickabout in the park? No. Why? Because five year olds do that. So someone hurry up and tell me before I blow a ball gasket why a half of all the fat, bald,middle aged accountants in Paddington think they don’t look like tools wearing Lance Armstrong’s 2005 Tour de France special?
“Because lycra is comfortable for riding bikes”, usually comes the response, seeping forth from teeth encrusted with dead flies. Hmmm, an interesting point, but have you considered my previous point? Call me presumptuous (“you’re presumptuous, haha!”. “[censored] off”), but not only does the world not wish to bear witness to every fat roll/ wiry sinew of the cyclists’ unflattering physique, but nor is their any need to mime a peanut in a bag of marbles for half of Elizabeth Street at 8am on a Monday morning. Secondly, is there any [censored] need? Take public transport. That’s what it’s there for.
“It’s better for the environment”, they holler back, before changing quickly into suits for a days work at the very same capitalist conglomerates responsible for plundering the world in pursuit of the holy grail of ‘shareholder value”. Instead, I’d like to see each and every cyclist in Sydney impaled anally on their saddle-less bikes and wired to a battery.
Every time they choose to make a dash across a red light, plant their filth encrusted fingers on someone’s car or shake their heads from the high moral ground at the fact that they may not have been seen suddenly appearing from someone’s blind spot, they get a shock up their chocolate date that will make a seat on a bus look a whole lot more inviting (post recovery).
As well as being more fun than a bum full of smarties, the bonus to this plan is we don’t have to involve the police, so the boys in blue can get on with the serious business of concentrating on selling ecstasy in the suburbs and killing aborginals in the countryside. The other alternative is the punishment I have planned for Kylie Minogue, but that’s another article.
*****
Australian Press Council: Guidelines on complaints procedure
http://www.presscouncil.org.au/pcsite/complaints/process.html
The Australian Press Council deals primarily with complaints about the mainstream print media. The Council is concerned with news reports, articles, editorials, letters and images (including cartoons) in newspapers and magazines and complaints arising out of their publication.
Partysan: Suite 1/94 Oxford Street, Darlinghurst, Sydney, NSW, 2010.(02) 9380 6847
Publishing Director: Samantha Patrick: [email hidden]
Deputy Editor: Megan Taylor: [email hidden]
Graphic Design: Andrew Chew & Samuel Thorne
Contributors: Stu Bell, Martin Stewart, Charlotte Levio, Ben, John Devecchis & Liz Elstoe.
Distribution: 444,000 Europe, 20,000 Sydney.