O
OzCableguy
Guest
Taken from rec.bicycle.misc.
Warning: dreadful troll piece.
http://www.sportingo.com/more-sports/tour-de-france---not-for-these-two-wheeled-pests/1001,896
Tour de France - Not for these two-wheeled pests
Craig Hackney
Mon, Nov 20, 06 14:14
The old guys in lycra who menace Australia are definitely on the wrong
track. It's time to get cyclists off our roads
Bicycles used to be the domain of children, professional athletes and maybe
a handful of eccentric adults who wanted to stand out as being different.
Not any more. In Australia they're everywhere, individually or in swarms,
and not just restricted to our roads either. Nowhere is safe from them.
Once-peaceful forests and bush trails now reverberate with the screams and
yells of 'extreme' cyclists, only occasionally interrupted with the dull,
wet thud that indicates that a big old redgum has given one back for the
good guys. The worst offenders are middle-aged men, trying desperately to
hang on to their youth. They ride bikes that cost the equivalent of the
annual food bill for an African township and travel to and from their
preferred cycling tracks in their leased company cars.
Professional cycling, while somewhat tarnished over the last few years, has
all of the elements necessary to make it irresistible viewing. It has the
drama, emotion and excitement of any high-level sport, often mixed with
magnificent scenery and terrifying roads. Amateur cyclists, however, have
none of this appeal and certainly none of the positive attributes. They are,
in short, really irritating.
Firstly, they are responsible for some heinous crimes against fashion and
human dignity. It is difficult to understand why it is no longer acceptable
just to jump on a bike without wearing skin tight, gaily-coloured clothing
emblazoned with the names of sponsors who are completely unknown in
Australia. This is even more difficult to understand when you take into
account the average body shape of the middle-aged man. Whatever happened to
chucking on the blue singlet, footy shorts and thongs to go for a ride? You
can't even wear normal shoes to ride your treddly any more, they need some
weird connection to allow you to become one with your bike.
Here are some handy hints to help prospective cyclists decide whether their
planned attire is appropriate. First, stand naked in front of a mirror in
good light - if you don't like the reflection, then chances are that
covering it in a thin layer of lycra is not going to improve the outlook for
the rest of us. Second, if you passed stage one and whilst still in front of
the mirror, put on the lycra. If there are unsightly bulges, if it is
possible to tell your religion, or if there are bits hanging over the top,
then you need to cover up. There is no doubt that bike pants afford the best
possible protection for the inner thighs and other goodies, but they will
still work under a pair of modesty protecting shorts. This is why we wear
additional clothes over our undies!
Finally, look at the sponsors' names written all over the clothes - if you
don't know what the companies do, or what they sell, don't advertise for
them. If you want to be visible, then Bond's make very affordable yellow
t-shirts that are available just about anywhere. The sponsors probably
wouldn't be too thrilled to have their logo plastered all over people as
unattractive and inept as many of these riders appear to be, anyway.
Cyclists are also a bloody menace on the road. Most Aussies, if they need to
travel more than 500 metres, will jump in the car to do it. There is,
however, something about major cycling events like le Tour de France or the
Tour Down Under, that brainwashes even the most unfit and unlikely
individuals into thinking that they could be the next Lance Armstrong or
Miguel Indurain.
Living in the Adelaide hills becomes a nightmare around these times, with
hordes of these try-hards, shoehorned into their lycra and looking like a
pack of mutant peanut M&Ms, weaving madly all over the road in the lowest
possible gear while going up a two percent incline. In their minds, they are
no doubt taking on the fabled L'Alpe d'Huez, or Checker Hill for the TDU
enthusiasts, but in reality they are only increasing their chances of a
stroke or heart attack. They are ill-equipped to take on this sort of
challenge and seriously put their lives, and those of other road users, in
danger. There is no more terrifying sight than barrelling around a blind
corner at 100km/h and being presented with a mob of grunting, weaving,
two-wheeled pests spread across the road travelling at 4km/h.
Not that things are much better in the suburbs. Cyclists regularly flout the
road rules, again placing themselves and others in danger. The cyclists out
there are probably screaming that so do drivers, in fact motorists are
probably much worse. While they are almost certainly correct, in a fight
between a car and a cyclist, the car will always win, regardless of who is
in the right.
It's easy to have fun with subjects like this, but as the tragedy
surrounding the Aussie women's cycling team reminds us, there is a deadly
serious side to this debate. Maybe it's time to look at banning cyclists
from our main roads at the very least. Roads are designed for cars and
trucks. Kerbside parking on our main roads further confuses matters. While
exceptions can be made for back streets, it is probably safest if arterial
roads are left to the things they were designed for. Cyclists will, quite
rightly, claim that it is their right to travel on any roads that they
choose. That may be so, but the fact remains that it is inherently unsafe.
Governments and councils need to get serious about bike lanes that offer
more protection, for everyone, than can be provided by a painted white line.
Either that, or they need to put in dedicated bike paths, well separated
from the road system. Surely it can't be too expensive, or too difficult, to
put in some form of physical barrier to keep the two parties separate. It
should also be possible to put in place road closures, or some form of
traffic control, for cyclists who want to take on country roads. A little
bit of planning and advanced notice would resolve most of the issues with
local residents. There are a number of very simple steps that can be
implemented to solve the problems, but until they do, it's in everyone's
best interest that we keep out of each other's way.
Warning: dreadful troll piece.
http://www.sportingo.com/more-sports/tour-de-france---not-for-these-two-wheeled-pests/1001,896
Tour de France - Not for these two-wheeled pests
Craig Hackney
Mon, Nov 20, 06 14:14
The old guys in lycra who menace Australia are definitely on the wrong
track. It's time to get cyclists off our roads
Bicycles used to be the domain of children, professional athletes and maybe
a handful of eccentric adults who wanted to stand out as being different.
Not any more. In Australia they're everywhere, individually or in swarms,
and not just restricted to our roads either. Nowhere is safe from them.
Once-peaceful forests and bush trails now reverberate with the screams and
yells of 'extreme' cyclists, only occasionally interrupted with the dull,
wet thud that indicates that a big old redgum has given one back for the
good guys. The worst offenders are middle-aged men, trying desperately to
hang on to their youth. They ride bikes that cost the equivalent of the
annual food bill for an African township and travel to and from their
preferred cycling tracks in their leased company cars.
Professional cycling, while somewhat tarnished over the last few years, has
all of the elements necessary to make it irresistible viewing. It has the
drama, emotion and excitement of any high-level sport, often mixed with
magnificent scenery and terrifying roads. Amateur cyclists, however, have
none of this appeal and certainly none of the positive attributes. They are,
in short, really irritating.
Firstly, they are responsible for some heinous crimes against fashion and
human dignity. It is difficult to understand why it is no longer acceptable
just to jump on a bike without wearing skin tight, gaily-coloured clothing
emblazoned with the names of sponsors who are completely unknown in
Australia. This is even more difficult to understand when you take into
account the average body shape of the middle-aged man. Whatever happened to
chucking on the blue singlet, footy shorts and thongs to go for a ride? You
can't even wear normal shoes to ride your treddly any more, they need some
weird connection to allow you to become one with your bike.
Here are some handy hints to help prospective cyclists decide whether their
planned attire is appropriate. First, stand naked in front of a mirror in
good light - if you don't like the reflection, then chances are that
covering it in a thin layer of lycra is not going to improve the outlook for
the rest of us. Second, if you passed stage one and whilst still in front of
the mirror, put on the lycra. If there are unsightly bulges, if it is
possible to tell your religion, or if there are bits hanging over the top,
then you need to cover up. There is no doubt that bike pants afford the best
possible protection for the inner thighs and other goodies, but they will
still work under a pair of modesty protecting shorts. This is why we wear
additional clothes over our undies!
Finally, look at the sponsors' names written all over the clothes - if you
don't know what the companies do, or what they sell, don't advertise for
them. If you want to be visible, then Bond's make very affordable yellow
t-shirts that are available just about anywhere. The sponsors probably
wouldn't be too thrilled to have their logo plastered all over people as
unattractive and inept as many of these riders appear to be, anyway.
Cyclists are also a bloody menace on the road. Most Aussies, if they need to
travel more than 500 metres, will jump in the car to do it. There is,
however, something about major cycling events like le Tour de France or the
Tour Down Under, that brainwashes even the most unfit and unlikely
individuals into thinking that they could be the next Lance Armstrong or
Miguel Indurain.
Living in the Adelaide hills becomes a nightmare around these times, with
hordes of these try-hards, shoehorned into their lycra and looking like a
pack of mutant peanut M&Ms, weaving madly all over the road in the lowest
possible gear while going up a two percent incline. In their minds, they are
no doubt taking on the fabled L'Alpe d'Huez, or Checker Hill for the TDU
enthusiasts, but in reality they are only increasing their chances of a
stroke or heart attack. They are ill-equipped to take on this sort of
challenge and seriously put their lives, and those of other road users, in
danger. There is no more terrifying sight than barrelling around a blind
corner at 100km/h and being presented with a mob of grunting, weaving,
two-wheeled pests spread across the road travelling at 4km/h.
Not that things are much better in the suburbs. Cyclists regularly flout the
road rules, again placing themselves and others in danger. The cyclists out
there are probably screaming that so do drivers, in fact motorists are
probably much worse. While they are almost certainly correct, in a fight
between a car and a cyclist, the car will always win, regardless of who is
in the right.
It's easy to have fun with subjects like this, but as the tragedy
surrounding the Aussie women's cycling team reminds us, there is a deadly
serious side to this debate. Maybe it's time to look at banning cyclists
from our main roads at the very least. Roads are designed for cars and
trucks. Kerbside parking on our main roads further confuses matters. While
exceptions can be made for back streets, it is probably safest if arterial
roads are left to the things they were designed for. Cyclists will, quite
rightly, claim that it is their right to travel on any roads that they
choose. That may be so, but the fact remains that it is inherently unsafe.
Governments and councils need to get serious about bike lanes that offer
more protection, for everyone, than can be provided by a painted white line.
Either that, or they need to put in dedicated bike paths, well separated
from the road system. Surely it can't be too expensive, or too difficult, to
put in some form of physical barrier to keep the two parties separate. It
should also be possible to put in place road closures, or some form of
traffic control, for cyclists who want to take on country roads. A little
bit of planning and advanced notice would resolve most of the issues with
local residents. There are a number of very simple steps that can be
implemented to solve the problems, but until they do, it's in everyone's
best interest that we keep out of each other's way.
