I had an unusual feeling which could have just been a daydream that a certain very important person was looking at me with her mind's eye from a distance, with flattery that I estimated to be insincere. It was not an actual hallucination of them being in the room, just a slight notion that I was on their mind.
It persisted for several hours and I even thought I daydreamed that she was sending me kind little bits of advice, taking an interest in the little things I did as I puttered around at home, went to the grocery store, etc.
It got even a little intrusive. I began wondering what was going on, and what I should do about it. Someone else seemed to want to advise me to second guess my estimation that the flattery was insincere. They thought I should ask her out.
The very moment I even considered the notion, it seemed she noticed what I was thinking, and bam. Flattery over. I almost thought I heard her say, "it is too bad you resisted our schoolteacher track." The oppressive feeling that she was looking at me vanished like a puff of smoke.
I then felt one of the most powerful women in our community was simply showing everyone else an example of how they are to treat me. When you realize I didn't donate my career to the Church, all your interest in me and any attention you are showing me must instantly vanish.
I then remembered I had had the feeling she was investigating my business years before. She was an important Catholic in a large city near mine and it seemed she had wanted to know why I wouldn't teach for Catholic schools since my career in a different degree field just wasn't getting off the ground.
I had decided that if they want schoolteachers, let them pay qualified professionals a wage their work is worth, but it would be immoral for me to take their money because I couldn't shake the suspicion that it had been planned for me to not be able to get work in my degree field. I don't know by whom. If there is a secret cabal within our church which plans to hold certain people back in order to cheapen their schoolteaching or ministry, they don't advertise themselves.
I had begun to suspect for example that they kept track of who was exploitable and how. Some party or other at my home parish in another state had, for example, noticed that I was a little obsessive so they steered me toward daydreaming about explaining things with clarity and precision and I wasted many a useful hour obsessing over putting things clearly. They'd probably be all like "I didn't tell you to practice all the time. What, do you think I know anything about why you would want to?"
Some "strong Christians" do believe in slavery and may simply be advancing their cause when they try for public office.
It persisted for several hours and I even thought I daydreamed that she was sending me kind little bits of advice, taking an interest in the little things I did as I puttered around at home, went to the grocery store, etc.
It got even a little intrusive. I began wondering what was going on, and what I should do about it. Someone else seemed to want to advise me to second guess my estimation that the flattery was insincere. They thought I should ask her out.
The very moment I even considered the notion, it seemed she noticed what I was thinking, and bam. Flattery over. I almost thought I heard her say, "it is too bad you resisted our schoolteacher track." The oppressive feeling that she was looking at me vanished like a puff of smoke.
I then felt one of the most powerful women in our community was simply showing everyone else an example of how they are to treat me. When you realize I didn't donate my career to the Church, all your interest in me and any attention you are showing me must instantly vanish.
I then remembered I had had the feeling she was investigating my business years before. She was an important Catholic in a large city near mine and it seemed she had wanted to know why I wouldn't teach for Catholic schools since my career in a different degree field just wasn't getting off the ground.
I had decided that if they want schoolteachers, let them pay qualified professionals a wage their work is worth, but it would be immoral for me to take their money because I couldn't shake the suspicion that it had been planned for me to not be able to get work in my degree field. I don't know by whom. If there is a secret cabal within our church which plans to hold certain people back in order to cheapen their schoolteaching or ministry, they don't advertise themselves.
I had begun to suspect for example that they kept track of who was exploitable and how. Some party or other at my home parish in another state had, for example, noticed that I was a little obsessive so they steered me toward daydreaming about explaining things with clarity and precision and I wasted many a useful hour obsessing over putting things clearly. They'd probably be all like "I didn't tell you to practice all the time. What, do you think I know anything about why you would want to?"
Some "strong Christians" do believe in slavery and may simply be advancing their cause when they try for public office.