So yesterday I basically had a little of everything that I wanted to
get it out of my system. i stopped with the M&Ms at 1200am.
no coffee/capp this morning on the way to work. a diet vanilla coke
instead. I get here and of course, there is a pan of rice krispy bars,
and a pan of pumpkin bars, but I brought a bag of food like I used to
and that has helped tremendously. I am also using fitday, taking the
stairs (I work at a Children's hospital 12hrs Saturday and Sunday and
they pay me or 12 more hours for working the weekends)
so I have 25lbs to lose to get back to 145. here I go, the ketosticks
are waiting for day 3-4 to test. and my resolve is solid.
I think I really missed the constant reinforcement of watching the
numbers go down, then with Curt being sick, it didn't feel right to be
so concerned with my weight and looks. I believe that I really felt
that if I continued, that it would seem like I was already looking for
a new man.....I don't know if anyone will understand this as a
motivation for slacking off on the diet but it was the first step in a
long fall. then I just ate with Curt. He has a very sweet tooth and
likes to eat a lot of seafood. I didn't eat a lot of sweets, but quite
a few lattes as he has radiation 5 days a week before he starts Chemo.
It was our routine to have me drop him off at the door, park and get us
each a latte (Grande vanilla with whipped cream for him, short vanilla
and pepperming with whipped cream for me). My bread was Carb Control, I
started having a bowl of oatmeal at work because the other options are
microwaved egg circles or omelets with nasty white cheese I think too,
that I had quit exercising so I would have the house clean all the time
and everyone else's needs were met (except mine) so that is over. I
actually starting exercising again back in late Nov. I am scheduling
bi-weekly massages for relaxation and stress-relief.
I don't anticipate major roadblocks now that I have this all figured
out.
so I begin again
220/170/145
first start 1/16/03
recommitted 1/1/05
lowest weight 144 Dec 2003
Committed wife of Curtis- incurable metastatic prostate cancer at age
40 -diagnosed on his 40th birthday, now 41