Bike/Life Balance

[devil94]

I'm struggling with my fiance. Every time I ride she sees it as time I could have spent with her instead. I've explained that I plan to grow old with her and that bike riding is how I lost weight and how I will stay in shape to live a long life with her.

Well .. it's not working.

Any other ideas/suggestions on how I can rationalize the time on the bike?

 

[kdelong]

Get her a bike and take her with you on some of your rides. That way, the time that you spend riding is time spent with her. If she refuses to ride with you, then you need to examine exactly why you are with her and contemplating spending the rest of you life with someone who will not support the one hobby that you are passionate about. Unfortunately it sounds as if she is a little bit immature and may be a little too emotionally dependent or is paranoid that you are doing something other than riding. Both of these are signs that there could be some issues that really should be ironed out prior to the big date. But hey, what do I know? I usually just give bicycling advice.

 

[Dave Cutter]

If by fiance... you mean she has a ring and the two of you have set a date... she may be overwhelmed with all the wedding plans and feel abandoned when your out cycling. Weddings can require big efforts... she may just need your help and attention NOW. She might not be worried so much about growing old and gaining weight... right now.

But... if by fiance... you mean girlfriend that lives with you and cares for you... but only has promises of future committed times together. She may be feeling abandoned and even betrayed. And maybe even a tad bit scared... that the man she is so serious about leaves her to play on his bicycle. All the while talking about growing old together.

Of course... feelings are only as real as we make them. I wouldn't bother rationalizing your cycling hobby/sport. I don't with my wife. Although I wasn't the most popular husband in my part of the world the month after I bought my new bicycle. She got over it. I've worked hard all my life and have provided well and I both deserve and demand my hobby's and recreation.

I'd guess your fiance knows how much you love cycling and only complains about the cycling... to get your attention. I'd try talking to her. And by talking... I mean not really saying anything after the conversation starts. She will accept your interests or not. It is a waste of your breath to try to talk her into accepting you... as you. But if you listen you might find out what she is really concerned about.

 

[maydog]

Red flag! If she doesn't let you pursue your hobby now - how will it be when you have even more obligations and responsibilities? Free time becomes even more scarce once married.

You could try to get here involved in riding. Get her a nice bike or pick up a tandem - that may work. I know a few guys that pull their better halves around on group rides once and a while.

Or maybe you could stop riding with all those hot babes!

 

[Jman]

+1 bike her a bike

Then make sure you take her out on a few easy rides until she is comfortable. When I ride with my wife we have an agreement that I can ride ahead of her, providing I don't get so far I lose her -- this means that I circle back very often which means I end up with more distance and everyone is happy. Now she is the one that is pushing for the next ride.

 

[limerickman]

Does your fiance do stuff by herself? If she does, then when she starts complaining about your cycling, just start complaining about what she does by herself /img/vbsmilies/smilies/biggrin.gif

 

[danfoz]

"Baby, if I change I won't be the man you fell in love with anymore"

 

[64Paramount]

Anytime she complains; admit nothing, deny everything, and make violent accusations in return.

No, I don't think that type of response will help anything, but it is some advice someone gave me years ago.....so I thought I'd share. /img/vbsmilies/smilies/wink.gif

 

[ambal]

There are a lot of 40 somethings around here who are divorced, they all race pretty bloody well. Perhaps dump the lady?

 

[CAMPYBOB]

Any other ideas/suggestions...

 

[CAMPYBOB]

Anytime she complains; admit nothing, deny everything, and make violent accusations in return.

Best answer so far.

Admit nothing.

Deny everything.

Make counter-accusations.

Sadly, 64Paramount is correct. It only rarely works in the long term.

Follow my advice and pull the handle! Eject now and save yourself years of regret and heartache. Find someone that IS compatible without rationalizations.

Good luck, sir.

My bona fides: A Thriced Impressed Duck with a Doctorate in Selecting Beautiful Broads from the School of Hard Knocks. Currently on Mrs. Campy Ver 3.0 (the one advantage is trading up to a younger, lower miles version each time!) after the first two failed the racing-life compatibility test over the long haul.

Stay thirsty, my friend!

 

[jpr95]

Sounds like you need to have a straight-up heart-to-heart talk with her.

I don't think an hour or two per day of riding is excessive or selfish--that's fitness. If she's asking you to give that amount up, then it sounds like she's being selfish, and I see some red flags. However, if you're riding 3, 4, 5 or more hours per day on top of a regular job, then to be fair to her, you need to make a choice.

If you two can't resolve a small issue like this, what are you going to do down the road when the real trials of life rear their ugly heads? (I'm not saying to can the relationship here--I'm encouraging you to try to work it out, but if you can't, then I'd cut your losses and save yourself some heartache).

 

[AlanG]

Don't worry. Just spend all of your free time with her and before long she'll be telling you to go away and ride.

 

[ambal]

Originally Posted by AlanG .

Don't worry. Just spend all of your free time with her and before long she'll be telling you to go away and ride.

This is a great tactic /img/vbsmilies/smilies/smile.gif

 

[tottenham21]

Ok I would like an update on this crazy relationship, is she happy now, are you still riding or did you do the smartest thing ever which was to send her packing for being so damn selfish...

 

[AlanG]

Originally Posted by tottenham21 .

Ok I would like an update on this crazy relationship, is she happy now, are you still riding or did you do the smartest thing ever which was to send her packing for being so damn selfish...

He won't be able to answer for a couple of weeks because he is spending every second of his time with her. Hopefully he's not letting her spend any time alone or just with her friends.

 

[tottenham21]

He won't be able to answer for a couple of weeks because he is spending every second of his time with her. Hopefully he's not letting her spend any time alone or just with her friends.

LMFAO, maybe they are both riding together everyday, if not I hope he is at least able to go cycling on his own, wish him the best if he does marries miss psycho...

 

[alienator]

He won't be able to answer for a couple of weeks because he is spending every second of his time with her. Hopefully he's not letting her spend any time alone or just with her friends.
 

Man, I lost a climbing partner to a girl that when my climbing partner married her.

 

[AlanG]

 

[alienator]

And that's only the first volume.