Fake flat tire



There I was, riding through the city park with a tailwind helping me
to pass half a dozen cars as they crept over the speed bumps, about a
minute and a half from home, when . . .

Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!

That's how a Slime tube sometimes announces a hole too big to plug.
The abrupt high-pressure spray makes a whoosh-whoosh-whoosh noise as
it whips past the frame or the ground or something.

Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!

Huh? I've never had an abrupt flat tire with the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh
this close to home. The goatheads, rock chips, russian olive thorns,
glass, and other debris end about two miles before here. Putting hole
in a tire in the city park is about as likely as getting a flat on a
trainer.

Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!

Braking gently, I'm puzzled because my front tire is going
whoosh-whoosh-whoosh, but I can't see any green Slime or even a
flattening tire when I risk a quick peek.

Whoosh . . .

When I stop, silence follows a final gentle whoosh.

Huh? The air should still be hissing out of my front tire.

And my front tire isn't flat at all, even when I lean on it.

So I push my bike forward a little.

A scrap of almost invisible plastic wrap, stuck to my tire with
something dark and unspeakable, makes a little whooshing noise,
exactly like a Slime tube flat, as the tire drags it past the fork and
brake pads.

Cheers,

Carl Fogel
 
C

Colin Campbell

Guest
[email protected] wrote:
> There I was, riding through the city park with a tailwind helping me
> to pass half a dozen cars as they crept over the speed bumps, about a
> minute and a half from home, when . . .
>
> Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
>
> That's how a Slime tube sometimes announces a hole too big to plug.
> The abrupt high-pressure spray makes a whoosh-whoosh-whoosh noise as
> it whips past the frame or the ground or something.
>
> Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
>
> Huh? I've never had an abrupt flat tire with the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh
> this close to home. The goatheads, rock chips, russian olive thorns,
> glass, and other debris end about two miles before here. Putting hole
> in a tire in the city park is about as likely as getting a flat on a
> trainer.
>
> Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
>
> Braking gently, I'm puzzled because my front tire is going
> whoosh-whoosh-whoosh, but I can't see any green Slime or even a
> flattening tire when I risk a quick peek.
>
> Whoosh . . .
>
> When I stop, silence follows a final gentle whoosh.
>
> Huh? The air should still be hissing out of my front tire.
>
> And my front tire isn't flat at all, even when I lean on it.
>
> So I push my bike forward a little.
>
> A scrap of almost invisible plastic wrap, stuck to my tire with
> something dark and unspeakable, makes a little whooshing noise,
> exactly like a Slime tube flat, as the tire drags it past the fork and
> brake pads.
>
> Cheers,
>
> Carl Fogel


Then your flat tire count is still stuck at only 14 for the year! Poor
boy....
 
J

John Tserkezis

Guest
[email protected] wrote:

> A scrap of almost invisible plastic wrap, stuck to my tire with
> something dark and unspeakable, makes a little whooshing noise,
> exactly like a Slime tube flat, as the tire drags it past the fork and
> brake pads.


Given the choice between repairing a tyre, or cleaning off unspeakable goop:

I'll take the tyre thanks.
--
Linux Registered User # 302622
<http://counter.li.org>
 
W

Werehatrack

Guest
On Sun, 06 Apr 2008 15:14:43 -0600, [email protected] may have
said:

>There I was, riding through the city park with a tailwind helping me
>to pass half a dozen cars as they crept over the speed bumps, about a
>minute and a half from home, when . . .
>
>Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
>
>That's how a Slime tube sometimes announces a hole too big to plug.
>The abrupt high-pressure spray makes a whoosh-whoosh-whoosh noise as
>it whips past the frame or the ground or something.
>
>Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
>
>Huh? I've never had an abrupt flat tire with the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh
>this close to home. The goatheads, rock chips, russian olive thorns,
>glass, and other debris end about two miles before here. Putting hole
>in a tire in the city park is about as likely as getting a flat on a
>trainer.
>
>Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
>
>Braking gently, I'm puzzled because my front tire is going
>whoosh-whoosh-whoosh, but I can't see any green Slime or even a
>flattening tire when I risk a quick peek.
>
>Whoosh . . .
>
>When I stop, silence follows a final gentle whoosh.
>
>Huh? The air should still be hissing out of my front tire.
>
>And my front tire isn't flat at all, even when I lean on it.
>
>So I push my bike forward a little.
>
>A scrap of almost invisible plastic wrap, stuck to my tire with
>something dark and unspeakable, makes a little whooshing noise,
>exactly like a Slime tube flat, as the tire drags it past the fork and
>brake pads.


Weird. Earlier this evening, a car that we passed on the freeway was
making "my air is departing my tire" noises like that...but the car's
tires resolutely remained inflated, and it neither had a flat nor
ceased the hiss-hiss-hiss for the distance that I observed it...which
was on the order of a mile.

I wonder if this is the start of a very subtle terrorist attack
designed to disrupt traffic my making large numbers of drivers
frantically pull over expecting a flat (and resulting in backups due
to the inevitable rubbernecking) all over the country....

--
My email address is antispammed; pull WEEDS if replying via e-mail.
Typoes are not a bug, they're a feature.
Words processed in a facility that contains nuts.
 
On Sun, 06 Apr 2008 14:26:22 -0700, Colin Campbell
<[email protected]> wrote:

>Then your flat tire count is still stuck at only 14 for the year! Poor
>boy....


Dear Colin,

Er . . .

[Quick nervous trip to garage to check that neither tire slow-leaked
overnight, no green slime drops oozing out.]

Right!

Cheers,

Carl Fogel
 
On Sun, 06 Apr 2008 14:26:22 -0700, Colin Campbell
<[email protected]> wrote:

>Then your flat tire count is still stuck at only 14 for the year! Poor
>boy....


Dear Colin,

Actually, lucky boy!

After today's ride, I flipped my bike upside-down and spun the tires:
http://i26.tinypic.com/r1bmkl.jpg

http://i25.tinypic.com/a3mvzk.jpg

The green ooze seeping out the cracked casing means that it's going to
be flat #15 when I pluck that goathead out . . .

Sure enough, air hissed out when I pulled the goathead from the side
of the rear tire.

Here's the tube, lying on the tire, with red circles around the two
new punctures:
http://i32.tinypic.com/fx6sty.jpg

Yes, two punctures--another goathead thorn can be felt where it broke
off in the tire, about a foot away from that exhibitionist goathead.

The two faint smears of Slime show how little mess can be involved.

The toothpicks mark six previous patches.

Inflation presses the tube so hard against the inside of the tire that
the Slime follows the bias of the tire threads when it leaks, leaving
oddly diagonal smears on the inner tube.

So that tube lasted six days. But it got me home again, which is why I
use Slime tubes.

Time to dig the other thorn out of the tire, put in a new tube, and
apply two patches, luckily at the workbench after dinner instead of by
the side of the road during the rain shower.

Cheers,

Carl Fogel