Am I worried about this race? I'll leave you to judge after describing my dream last night about the race.
The race was held starting in a girl's middle school. I parked the car in the playing fields and headed for the changing room. The room was in a complete mess with gear everywhere. No cycling gear mind you.
For some reason I just couldn't get changed as I was more worried about my valuables. Eventually I headed off for the start with 3 layers of clothing on plus a winter coat. Not a single bike in sight! I was now carrying my valuables in a giant heavy metal toolbox. I said to the starter "this race is starting a bit late isn't it?" (it was 2pm and we had 137km to race) I said the race will finish in the dark, and he just grunted something meaning yes.
Still not a single bike in sight!
I asked him where I could leave my valuables (giant toolbox) and he replied that the changing room was the safest place. So I headed off back across the field to the changing room. Suddenly someone shouted "everyone to the start" at which point I panicked and ran across the field screaming at the top of my voice "
just a minute, just a minute".
When I got back to the start they'd all gone and I realized this wasn't a bike race, it was a running race. Anyway, I set off along this dirt track and could see a bunch of girls running up ahead. I thought, I'll soon burn them up with my power.
I actually passed them doing about 1 mph faster!
I then came out onto a road and was immediately confronted with this enormous hill. It was wide enough for 8 cars abreast.
Suddenly I saw my first bike, but he was coming
down the hill. The hill was so steep he was hard on the brakes, so hard in fact that his back wheel had come round and he was coming down like a crab with flames and smoke pouring from his rear tyre.
At the top of this hill, as predicted the course became complicated, in fact it went into this house which must have had about 4 or 5 floors. The house was an absolute maze of narrow uncarpeted staircases. I was belting up these staircases shouting "
which way, which way?"
Suddenly, there was a room with no walls, which I can only describe as heaven. There was beautiful maiden sitting there covered in rose petals with just, what looked like a Greek toga covering the naughty bits. Upon seeing me she stood up naked and strolled over to me.
I thought to hell with the race, I've got better things to do.
She sidled up to me, flung her arms about me and moved up close. At this point the race was the last thing on my mind.
Then she turned round and went back to her "room". (Sorry guys to disappoint you)
OK, on with the race - more stairs to climb and more shouting for directions.
Finally I came out into the road again, and I said to these 2 guys standing there "which way did they go?" To which they replied "who are
they?"
The bike race, the bike race guys, I shouted impatiently.
They said "do you mean a bunch of guys waving their hands in the air and shouting, yeh heh, wa hoo etc. I said, probably, and they pointed me in the right direction.
After a very short time I came to a fork in the road. There was no one there to ask the way, it was also starting to get dark and I'd covered all of 3 km.
I opted to take the road on the right, but after 100 metres it was now dark and I decided to turn back. As I approached the fork, I unexpectedly found myself wading through grass 8 feet tall, which wasn't there 2 minutes ago.
Finally when I came out onto the original road, I thought that is definitely it, I give up. This was followed by a feeling of remorse, and I thought "what am I going to tell the guys in the forum?"
Then I woke up. Phew!!
TYSON
