Sexual attraction between professional and client

Discussion in 'Health and medical' started by Greg, Jan 29, 2004.

  1. Greg

    Greg Guest

    New take on an old topic:

    In preparation for launching a career in this field of massage therapy, I have been asking myself
    any and all questions I can think of regarding a fit. I know that I like giving and receiving
    massage, and have been told many times that I have a natural ability, which is why I am motivated to
    pursue it.

    Probably the biggest concern I (and my wife) have is my tendency to

    I have never acted on these attractions beyond flirting, but in a field where there is a lot of
    physical contact and intimacy, I wonder how that tendency might play out. I'll also add that a
    couple of the women I have had crushes on are close and long-time freinds of mine and my wife.

    There, I've bared my soul (so to speak). I wonder if there are experiences out there I can learn
    from, or advice in this area that anyone might have. Thanks.
     
    Tags:


  2. Cloud Burst

    Cloud Burst Guest

    Reason #26 most people would prefer to get a massage from a woman. IMHO.

    Does anyone have the actual breakdown male versus female MT's? Legitimate, I mean.

    If you DO ever act on your impulses you will be in deep sheet and probably near the end of
    your career.

    CB

    >New take on an old topic:
    >
    >In preparation for launching a career in this field of massage therapy, I have been asking myself
    >any and all questions I can think of regarding a fit. I know that I like giving and receiving
    >massage, and have been told many times that I have a natural ability, which is why I am motivated
    >to pursue it.
    >
    >Probably the biggest concern I (and my wife) have is my tendency to

    >I have never acted on these attractions beyond flirting, but in a field where there is a lot of
    >physical contact and intimacy, I wonder how that tendency might play out. I'll also add that a
    >couple of the women I have had crushes on are close and long-time freinds of mine and my wife.
    >
    >There, I've bared my soul (so to speak). I wonder if there are experiences out there I can learn
    >from, or advice in this area that anyone might have. Thanks.
     
  3. Tiffany

    Tiffany Guest

    Though I see where you are coming from Cloud, women are prone to also fall

    client who told me a female therapist wanted to do extras for him and was upset when he said no.

    There are less male therapists due to this thinking that men can't control their urges, but of
    course, women can.

    As for the man who posted stating he has a tendency to have crushes.... don't get into massage. It
    sounds to risky for you. Your honesty is to be commended. Flirting in the massage office will only
    make some women uncomfortable while others might take you serious. When I decided my calling was in
    the bodywork field, I never once thought that I might fall for a client. That your in that mind set
    is a bit worrisome. You know yourself better then anyone. Listen to yourself. Or another way to look
    at it, once you start doing massage, you might find you don't have crushes, as you will look at your
    clients in a different way then you would someone you meet on the street.

    I add, one of my favorite MT's I see is a male. :)

    T Cloud Burst <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Reason #26 most people would prefer to get a massage from a woman. IMHO.
    >
    > Does anyone have the actual breakdown male versus female MT's? Legitimate, I mean.
    >
    > If you DO ever act on your impulses you will be in deep sheet and probably near the end of
    > your career.
    >
    > CB
    >
    > >New take on an old topic:
    > >
    > >In preparation for launching a career in this field of massage therapy, I have been asking myself
    > >any and all questions I can think of regarding a fit. I know that I like giving and receiving
    > >massage, and have been told many times that I have a natural ability, which is why I am motivated
    > >to pursue it.
    > >
    > >Probably the biggest concern I (and my wife) have is my tendency to

    > >I have never acted on these attractions beyond flirting, but in a field where there is a lot of
    > >physical contact and intimacy, I wonder how that tendency might play out. I'll also add that a
    > >couple of the women I have had crushes on are close and long-time freinds of mine and my wife.
    > >
    > >There, I've bared my soul (so to speak). I wonder if there are experiences out there I can learn
    > >from, or advice in this area that anyone might have. Thanks.
     
  4. Ben & Lydia

    Ben & Lydia Guest

    "Tiffany" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > As for the man who posted stating he has a tendency to have crushes.... don't get into massage. It
    > sounds to risky for you. Your honesty is to be commended. Flirting in the massage office will only
    > make some women uncomfortable while others might take you serious.

    I agree, it sounds risky for you and that might be a reason you find something other than massage
    to get into.

    Ben
     
  5. Hello....First thing first, I agree that massage is more then likely not the career for you. Like
    Tiffany, I never thought about falling for clients. Don't risk your marriage, and as Cloud said, you
    can make one wrong move, and find yourself in some hot water. Its not worth it.

    God Bless you Tiffany for sticking up for male MT's. I doubt there are more then the few
    obvious reasons some people choose a female over a male therapist. As for legitimate, just
    take a look at one of those free weekend papers that circulate in most city's, and you will
    see that the women who offer non-legitimate massage out number the men by a huge margin.

    When your a guy in this field, you have to be respectful & consistent at all times. It
    takes longer to build a clients trust. Reputation is everything. If a guy is not on the up
    & up in this field, he will be called out fast, his bad reputation will follow him...and he
    never will build up a client base.

    thanks, Brian


    Group: alt.health.massage-therapy Date: Thu, Jan 29, 2004, 1:44pm From: [email protected]
    (Tiffany) Though I see where you are coming from Cloud, women are prone to also

    a male client who told me a female therapist wanted to do extras for him and was upset when he said
    no. There are less male therapists due to this thinking that men can't control their urges, but of
    course, women can. As for the man who posted stating he has a tendency to have crushes.... don't get
    into massage. It sounds to risky for you. Your honesty is to be commended. Flirting in the massage
    office will only make some women uncomfortable while others might take you serious. When I decided
    my calling was in the bodywork field, I never once thought that I might fall for a client. That your
    in that mind set is a bit worrisome. You know yourself better then anyone. Listen to yourself. Or
    another way to look at it, once you start doing massage, you might find you don't have crushes, as
    you will look at your clients in a different way then you would someone you meet on the street. I
    add, one of my favorite MT's I see is a male. :) T Cloud Burst <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]... Reason #26 most people would prefer to get a
    massage from a woman. IMHO. Does anyone have the actual breakdown male versus female MT's?
    Legitimate, I mean. If you DO ever act on your impulses you will be in deep sheet and probably near
    the end of your career. CB
     
  6. Greg

    Greg Guest

    I appreciate all the feedback. I probably asked for exactly what I got. However, I will say that I
    believe I have pretty good impulse control. I am working on this issue in advance of any interface
    with clients so that it will not become something I will regret down the road. I am determined to at
    least try this on as a profession with the hope that, having addressed my concerns early on and
    through my training, I will be prepared when the time comes to work with clients.
     
  7. Ya know, any kind of clinical practice needs a very clinical attitude. Besides, if another woman is
    invited into the mix, it needs to be your wife that does the inviting.

    Greg <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > I appreciate all the feedback. I probably asked for exactly what I got. However, I will say that I
    > believe I have pretty good impulse control. I am working on this issue in advance of any interface
    > with clients so that it will not become something I will regret down the road. I am determined to
    > at least try this on as a profession with the hope that, having addressed my concerns early on and
    > through my training, I will be prepared when the time comes to work with clients.
     
  8. Ben & Lydia

    Ben & Lydia Guest

    Speaking as a male therapist with a clientele that is mostly female...."pretty good impulse control"
    is not enough. You really MUST go in with an attitude that you are there to provide ONLY massage
    therapy and

    who are experienced in receiving bodywork can feel if you are paying attention to what you're doing.
    They can also "get a vibe" from you if you are "less than clinically minded". Think very carefully
    about what you're doing if you think there is any chance of you going into this with a less than
    "therapy only" attititude.

    Ben Crabtree, RMT, MTI, CNMT San Antonio, Texas http://massagebyben.vze.com

    "Greg" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > I appreciate all the feedback. I probably asked for exactly what I got. However, I will say that I
    > believe I have pretty good impulse control. I am working on this issue in advance of any interface
    > with clients so that it will not become something I will regret down the road. I am determined to
    > at least try this on as a profession with the hope that, having addressed my concerns early on and
    > through my training, I will be prepared when the time comes to work with clients.
     
  9. Erin Kennedy

    Erin Kennedy Guest

    Greg, I agree with you that recognizing and addressing any potential problems before entering into a
    profession is wise. Examining your issues on a personal level is the first step towards separating
    them from your professional role, and I commend you for doing so. While I also agree with the other
    posts that you must be absolutely sure of your ability to maintain a clinical approach before
    getting into an inappropriate situation, I don't think you are the first person to ever face this
    challenge, nor do I believe it is just cause to simply abandon your intention to practice massage.

    I am now happily engaged, but when I first became a massage therapist, I was

    environment frequently presented the possibility of physical attraction. Not so in my office. I
    realized that clients come to me for therapeutic reasons, and it is my professional responsibility
    to view them solely in this light. Having a firm grasp on how important this responsibility is made
    it easy to clearly delineate my professional and personal selves.

    I have two pieces of advice for you: First, if at all possible, set up your practice in an office or
    other therapeutic setting, rather than in your home or traveling to the homes of clients. Working in
    a professional environment makes it easier for you to assume that role. Second, avoid working on the
    close and long-time female friends you mentioned, at least until you've established your
    professional boundaries.

    attraction to, even with the intention of testing your impulse control, is setting yourself up
    for failure.

    Best of luck in your journey of self-discovery. Erin

    "Greg" <greg_ha[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > I appreciate all the feedback. I probably asked for exactly what I got. However, I will say that I
    > believe I have pretty good impulse control. I am working on this issue in advance of any interface
    > with clients so that it will not become something I will regret down the road. I am determined to
    > at least try this on as a profession with the hope that, having addressed my concerns early on and
    > through my training, I will be prepared when the time comes to work with clients.
     
  10. Greg

    Greg Guest

    "Erin Kennedy" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
    > Greg, I agree with you that recognizing and addressing any potential problems before entering into
    > a profession is wise. Examining your issues on a personal level is the first step towards
    > separating them from your professional role, and I commend you for doing so. While I also agree
    > with the other posts that you must be absolutely sure of your ability to maintain a clinical
    > approach before getting into an inappropriate situation, I don't think you are the first person to
    > ever face this challenge, nor do I believe it is just cause to simply abandon your intention to
    > practice massage.
    >
    > I am now happily engaged, but when I first became a massage therapist, I was

    > environment frequently presented the possibility of physical attraction. Not so in my office. I
    > realized that clients come to me for therapeutic reasons, and it is my professional responsibility
    > to view them solely in this light. Having a firm grasp on how important this responsibility is
    > made it easy to clearly delineate my professional and personal selves.
    >
    > I have two pieces of advice for you: First, if at all possible, set up your practice in an office
    > or other therapeutic setting, rather than in your home or traveling to the homes of clients.
    > Working in a professional environment makes it easier for you to assume that role. Second, avoid
    > working on the close and long-time female friends you mentioned, at least until you've established
    > your professional boundaries.

    > attraction to, even with the intention of testing your impulse control, is setting yourself up for
    > failure.
    >
    > Best of luck in your journey of self-discovery. Erin
    >
    >

    Thanks for the suggestions and compassionate approach, Erin. I was beginning to feel pretty lonely
    here. There is not much likelihood that I will be working on any of the women I mentioned before,
    for exactly the reason you stated. I think it would be uncomfortable all around. I had been thinking
    of setting up a studio in my house, but can see the advantage of an office. My plan is to become
    involved in a more public setting to begin with anyway; spa or gym, some place where I can build up
    experience, and potentially clientelle. I won't be liscensed for a while yet, so at least I won't
    have to deal with that right away.
     
  11. When I do a massage, I make sure the person knows that even if they were in a busy hallway, they
    would not be exposed. I get several people that have never had a professional massage before. And
    when I do one at my house, I keep the room door open, and my wife is responsible for scheduling
    them. So she sees to it that she is not working on the Saturday that a massage is scheduled. Plain
    and simple, there should not be anything going on that you would be reluctant to have your wife see.
    Anybody that wants any other variety of massage can find plenty of them in the newspaper, often in
    the sports section, along with the strip joints and the porn shops.

    Greg <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > "Erin Kennedy" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:<[email protected]>...
    > > Greg, I agree with you that recognizing and addressing any potential problems before entering
    > > into a profession is wise. Examining your issues on a personal level is the first step towards
    > > separating them from your professional role, and I commend you for doing so. While I also agree
    with
    > > the other posts that you must be absolutely sure of your ability to
    maintain
    > > a clinical approach before getting into an inappropriate situation, I
    don't
    > > think you are the first person to ever face this challenge, nor do I
    believe
    > > it is just cause to simply abandon your intention to practice massage.
    > >
    > > I am now happily engaged, but when I first became a massage therapist, I
    was

    > > environment frequently presented the possibility of physical attraction.
    Not
    > > so in my office. I realized that clients come to me for therapeutic
    reasons,
    > > and it is my professional responsibility to view them solely in this
    light.
    > > Having a firm grasp on how important this responsibility is made it easy
    to
    > > clearly delineate my professional and personal selves.
    > >
    > > I have two pieces of advice for you: First, if at all possible, set up your practice in an
    > > office or
    other
    > > therapeutic setting, rather than in your home or traveling to the homes
    of
    > > clients. Working in a professional environment makes it easier for you
    to
    > > assume that role. Second, avoid working on the close and long-time female friends you mentioned,
    > > at least until you've established your professional
    boundaries.

    > > attraction to, even with the intention of testing your impulse control,
    is
    > > setting yourself up for failure.
    > >
    > > Best of luck in your journey of self-discovery. Erin
    > >
    > >
    >
    > Thanks for the suggestions and compassionate approach, Erin. I was beginning to feel pretty lonely
    > here. There is not much likelihood that I will be working on any of the women I mentioned before,
    > for exactly the reason you stated. I think it would be uncomfortable all around. I had been
    > thinking of setting up a studio in my house, but can see the advantage of an office. My plan is to
    > become involved in a more public setting to begin with anyway; spa or gym, some place where I can
    > build up experience, and potentially clientelle. I won't be liscensed for a while yet, so at least
    > I won't have to deal with that right away.
     
  12. Greg

    Greg Guest

    Just found a reprint of a fantastic article in "Massage Therapy Journal" Summer, 2000

    If I could post a link, I would. It's definitely worth a look.
     
  13. Jb

    Jb Guest

    I am a male therapist with a clientele of 99.99% female and many who are athletes. My practice has
    grown by word of mouth, I had no idea when I first started that this is the way it would be. Females
    and men that receive body work do not recommend one another and stay with in their gender group
    unless it is to refer their spouse. You may end up with a all male client base or a mixture, know
    one really knows in the beginning.

    Greg I would really consider motivations before entering in to this vocation. Women can pick up on
    motivations, your hands will tell them this. Our job as a male therapist is to normalize soft
    tissue dysfunction and/or relax the nervous system, Each woman has a real life back home away from
    the table and we must not interfere with this.

    Best Regards,

    JB



    "Greg" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > New take on an old topic:
    >
    > In preparation for launching a career in this field of massage therapy, I have been asking myself
    > any and all questions I can think of regarding a fit. I know that I like giving and receiving
    > massage, and have been told many times that I have a natural ability, which is why I am motivated
    > to pursue it.
    >
    > Probably the biggest concern I (and my wife) have is my tendency to

    > I have never acted on these attractions beyond flirting, but in a field where there is a lot of
    > physical contact and intimacy, I wonder how that tendency might play out. I'll also add that a
    > couple of the women I have had crushes on are close and long-time freinds of mine and my wife.
    >
    > There, I've bared my soul (so to speak). I wonder if there are experiences out there I can learn
    > from, or advice in this area that anyone might have. Thanks.
     
  14. Jb

    Jb Guest

    I am a male therapist with a clientele of 99.99% female and many who are athletes. My practice has
    grown by word of mouth, I had no idea when I first started that this is the way it would be. Females
    and men that receive body work do not recommend one another and stay with in their gender group
    unless it is to refer their spouse. You may end up with a all male client base or a mixture, know
    one really knows in the beginning. Greg I would really consider motivations before entering in to
    this vocation. Women can pick up on motivations, your hands will tell them this. Our job as a male
    therapist is to normalize soft tissue dysfunction and/or relax the nervous system, Each woman has a
    real life back home away from the table and we must not interfere with this.

    Thanks JB

    "Greg" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > New take on an old topic:
    >
    > In preparation for launching a career in this field of massage therapy, I have been asking myself
    > any and all questions I can think of regarding a fit. I know that I like giving and receiving
    > massage, and have been told many times that I have a natural ability, which is why I am motivated
    > to pursue it.
    >
    > Probably the biggest concern I (and my wife) have is my tendency to

    > I have never acted on these attractions beyond flirting, but in a field where there is a lot of
    > physical contact and intimacy, I wonder how that tendency might play out. I'll also add that a
    > couple of the women I have had crushes on are close and long-time freinds of mine and my wife.
    >
    > There, I've bared my soul (so to speak). I wonder if there are experiences out there I can learn
    > from, or advice in this area that anyone might have. Thanks.
     
  15. Hey, that shouldn't be a problem. Here it is.

    Greg <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > Just found a reprint of a fantastic article in "Massage Therapy Journal" Summer, 2000

    > If I could post a link, I would. It's definitely worth a look.
     
  16. Judd

    Judd Guest

    "Michael Baugh" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
    > Hey, that shouldn't be a problem. Here it is.

    >
    > Greg <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    > > Just found a reprint of a fantastic article in "Massage Therapy Journal" Summer, 2000

    > > If I could post a link, I would. It's definitely worth a look.

    I was surprised to read something so ethically lenient as the following:

    "If, despite all cautions and proper behavior in the massage room, the therapist and the client
    fall in love and move into a romantic relationship, then their professional roles as therapist and
    client must cease. Then who massages whom becomes a private matter apart from the massage room."

    The problem is people can fall out of love as sad as it may be. To add insult to injury, even though
    it became a private matter, the fact is the two people met at the professional massage setting, and
    reputations could get damaged. That says nothing of the ethics of it; I think the quote says it all,
    but what caution one must have...
     
  17. It's a chemistry thing

    http://www.economist.com/printedition/displayStory.cfm?Story_ID=2424049

    judd <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > The problem is people can fall out of love as sad as it may be. To add insult to injury, even
    > though it became a private matter, the fact is the two people met at the professional massage
    > setting, and reputations could get damaged. That says nothing of the ethics of it; I think the
    > quote says it all, but what caution one must have...
     
  18. Mj Hess

    Mj Hess Guest

    great link Michael! I read your posts for the links.. and learn much!
    Thanks.. Mj
    "Michael Baugh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:Svd%[email protected]...
    >
    > It's a chemistry thing
    >
    > http://www.economist.com/printedition/displayStory.cfm?Story_ID=2424049
    >
    >
    > judd <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > > The problem is people can fall out of love as sad as it may be. To add insult to injury, even
    > > though it became a private matter, the fact is the two people met at the professional massage
    > > setting, and reputations could get damaged. That says nothing of the ethics of it; I think the
    > > quote says it all, but what caution one must have...
     
  19. Greg

    Greg Guest

    But then, what isn't?

    "Michael Baugh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:<Svd%[email protected]>...
    > It's a chemistry thing
    >
    > http://www.economist.com/printedition/displayStory.cfm?Story_ID=2424049
    >
    >
    > judd <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > > The problem is people can fall out of love as sad as it may be. To add insult to injury, even
    > > though it became a private matter, the fact is the two people met at the professional massage
    > > setting, and reputations could get damaged. That says nothing of the ethics of it; I think the
    > > quote says it all, but what caution one must have...
     
  20. Greg

    Greg Guest

    Ditto....can I say that here? I appreciate you posting the original link, and enjoyed the "chemical"
    link. One thing that I always wonder about when chemistry is used to explain things like
    behavior...which came first, the chicken or the egg? Does internal chemistry drive the action, or is
    it a result of the action?

    "Mj Hess" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
    > great link Michael! I read your posts for the links.. and learn much! Thanks.. Mj "Michael Baugh"
    > <[email protected]> wrote in message news:Svd%[email protected]...
    > >
    > > It's a chemistry thing
    > >
    > > http://www.economist.com/printedition/displayStory.cfm?Story_ID=2424049
    > >
    > >
    > > judd <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > > > The problem is people can fall out of love as sad as it may be. To add insult to injury, even
    > > > though it became a private matter, the fact is the two people met at the professional massage
    > > > setting, and reputations could get damaged. That says nothing of the ethics of it; I think the
    > > > quote says it all, but what caution one must have...
    > >
     
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