Drive by shoutings and snappy comebacks.

Discussion in 'Road Cycling' started by maydog, Nov 22, 2011.

  1. maydog

    maydog Well-Known Member

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    Most of us have been victms of at least one drive by shouting. For example, today I was riding home from work trying to make good time to beat the sunset. A few blocks from work at a stoplight some man making a right hand turn shouted loud and clear, "Get on the sidewalk - loser!" This was on a downhill stretch and I was going 25 to 30 mph at the time and the sidewalks had snow and ice; they weren't exactly safe at that speed. Generally I am pretty quick witted, but I couldn't think of anything constructive to say before he was out of earshot.

    The remainder of the ride home I replayed the scene through my head thinking of snappy, witty comebacks. If somebody wants to take a little of the light from my day, I have no issues turning it around on them. I figure I will need to keep a list for the next opportunity, the challenge is to keep them short, entertaining, memorable and infuriating. Here are some of that I may try next time:

    "Thanks for your concern, tough guy."
    "How did you know I was on the biggest loser?"
    "If you are winning, I want no part of it."
    "Hey lady, mind your own business."
    "Do you kiss your brother with those lips?"
    "No sidewalk, your mom works there."
    "Hurry home, you have more sitting to do."
    "An insulting ass is winning?"
    "Thanks, I was really confused with the whole sidewalk, road thingy."
    "What? I couldn't hear you over your suck."

    Or... just squirt my water bottle into their open window - which I have done before.

    What comebacks can you think of, have you used any?
     
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  2. tottenham21

    tottenham21 New Member

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    I don't waste my time with so many words, a simple fuck off and the middle finger is all they get from me....:D
     
  3. maydog

    maydog Well-Known Member

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    Yes I use the one finger salute from time to time - but that just lets them know they got to you, a win in their book. I want to be able to turn the comment around on them to either lighten the mood or rain on their parade.

    Drive by comments don't need to be mean spirited. The best, most memorable one I ever heard was a few year back. I had a 250cc scooter and was giving my brother in law a ride into town to go to DQ. My wife, kids and his fiance were in a car behind. We pull up to a stoplight next to a fullsize truck with two rough looking woodsy gentlemen inside. They look at the us, two large grown men on a smallish scooter, my brother in law with his hands around my waist, one laughs and says loudly "Now thats puppy love right there!" It was the best, we both start laughing - needless to say his fiance rode with me on the return trip.
     
  4. oldbobcat

    oldbobcat Well-Known Member

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    Working up a reaction that you have to think about is too much work and gives the offender what he wants--control over you.

    I find a pained and dismissive glance gives my ego the boost it needs and allows me to proceed without further interference.
     
  5. alienator

    alienator Well-Known Member

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    Why bother saying anything? It doesn't improve a ride, and the odds of it having any discernable, long lasting effect on someone's behavior behind the wheel or otherwise is miniscule.
     
  6. kdelong

    kdelong Well-Known Member

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    In most cases, the shouter has blasted by me and are too far down the road for them to hear my comeback.
     
  7. danrche

    danrche New Member

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    I agree with alienator, why say anything at all. They're not interested in your point of view or they'd stop and engage in conversation. I often ride to work and have the same issue at times. I just smile and nod. The city I live in it's actually against city law to ride on the side walk where I ride to work. It's considered a business area and the city says I should be ridding my bike on the street. In fact we have the right of way on the road (if you live in Texas) though most drivers don't pay attention to that part of the drivers exam. Keep on pedaling!
     
  8. danfoz

    danfoz Well-Known Member

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    Ah yes the snappy comeback. Those are certainly hard to come by at L4/L5. If a retort is decided upon, one should be prepared for the possibility of escalating violence. It's a potential outcome. Certainly no problem if having responded affirmative to the "Do you carry a gun when you ride?" thread.

    I'm a big fan of the smile and nod approach myself. Non violence often confuses people expecting violence. But if wigs insist on being split...
     
  9. maydog

    maydog Well-Known Member

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    I must be the only one who takes pleasure in replaying what I could have done in these instances. Actually doing something is a different story. Comebacks don't necessarily need to be mean spirited. Around where I am, plenty of folks slow down or stop to let their mind be heard - I suppose to mark their territory. I figure that if someone really wanted to hurt me, they wouldn't need to slow down and roll down their windows.

    I have been riding along and have drivers swerve at me without provocation. One time a dump truck driver, upset he couldn't get around pulled in front and slammed on his brakes. These are the crazies you need to be worried about.
     
  10. EOrlandoRider

    EOrlandoRider New Member

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    In East Orlando there are a lot of self appointed "half wits" who have wonderful things to say to you, blow air horns, or just scream at you as they go by. If they are close enough to hear me I will usually try say something clever like "I remember when I had my first beer" "It's hard being gay isn't it?" "Thank you very little" I can't take credit for this one, but one idiot yelled at a guy I was riding with and he caught him at the light and said, "So you voted for Obama huh? How's that whole hopey changey thing working out for ya? Yeah I didn't think so" and we rode off. I almost fell off laughing :)
     
  11. An old Guy

    An old Guy Member

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    I give everyone a friendly wave.

    But many of the drivers around here are more than willing to give the right of way to bicycles when they are not required to.
     
  12. Mark George

    Mark George New Member

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    I had a guy throw a beer bottle at me once. I was so pissed off and and preoccupied with calling him expletives I didnt get the plate number. Moral of the story, stay cool, get the plate number first, then flip him off.
     
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  13. Lewie

    Lewie New Member

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    Someone threw a beer bottle at me once, and somehow it went though the main triangle without hitting me or the bike. This was years ago, and I was riding a new bike. If the bottle had hit and scratched my bike, I would have wanted to track the person down and get even, but I dd not get the license number either.
     
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  14. danfoz

    danfoz Well-Known Member

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    Aside from the fun of making cycling vids with dreamy soundtracks this is a good argument for helmet cams.
     
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  15. headplant

    headplant New Member

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    These simple minded cagers don't deserve a response at all. They're in a different zone , feeling empowered by their vehicles...generally gutless wonders who wouldn't say boo to you if they couldn't hit the gas and drive away after a quick, brainless insult. Just ride on, knowing in your mind that they'll be the ones to end up in the CCU after a heart attack at a young age, while you ride on into a healthy, happy long life.

    /img/vbsmilies/smilies/biggrin.gif
     
  16. Froze

    Froze Well-Known Member

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    I don't say nothing, I just spit a big wad of chewing tobacco in their face, that's all I need to do for them to get the point.
     
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  17. headplant

    headplant New Member

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    These simple minded cagers don't deserve a response at all. They're in a different zone , feeling empowered by their vehicles...generally gutless wonders who wouldn't say boo to you if they couldn't hit the gas and drive away after a quick, brainless insult. Just ride on, knowing in your mind that they'll be the ones to end up in the CCU after a heart attack at a young age, while you ride on into a healthy, happy long life.

    /img/vbsmilies/smilies/biggrin.gif
     
  18. AlanG

    AlanG Member

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    Well, there are lots of idiots out there and you don't have to be on a bike to hear from them. I'm an architectural photographer so it is pretty common for me to have a camera set up on a tripod off the side of the road to shoot a building or a home. (Not in the road or even necessarily very close to the road.) You'd be surprised how many times people blow their horns or scream something stupid.

    A good friend of mine told me a story of being with a few other riders when a driver insulted them and stopped his car in front of them. But they were all in the Marines at the time and my friend is 6'5" and probably was only about 240 lbs back then. So how stupid was that? They just made mean faces at the driver and he sped off.
     
  19. steve

    steve Administrator
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    Ha I would have liked to see that happen /img/vbsmilies/smilies/icon14.gif
     
  20. rxter

    rxter New Member

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    Planning to get a can of pepper spray for just such events (guns are too heavy and I really don't want to kill anyonw ;)
     
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