Joke of the day

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by liyaalena, Jul 27, 2013.

  1. liyaalena

    liyaalena New Member

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    There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.He sent in ten different puns , in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
     
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  2. Riley1

    Riley1 New Member

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    The man comes to the doctor, saying "Doc, I have a problem."
    Doctor asks what's the matter, all worryingly like.
    The man says "Something's wrong with my dick, it started acting like a dog"
    "What are you talking about?", the doc asks.
    He says "well, it won't touch my wife, but it's ready to tear apart that chick next door"

    Telling jokes on English is a bit complicated.
    __________________
     
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  3. rosemerry778

    rosemerry778 New Member

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    hehehehe....I were expecting some descent jokes here
     
  4. Dexter49

    Dexter49 New Member

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    Facebook Love:

    My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status “I’m getting a divorce,” he was the first one to click Like.
     
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  5. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Member

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    Good one.
     
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  6. TheBoss0567

    TheBoss0567 New Member

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    That is the best thing I've ever heard Dexter
     
  7. TheBoss0567

    TheBoss0567 New Member

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    A man walks into Walmart and asks if they stock cotton balls. "Of course!" They reply.

    Well does it tickle when you walk?
     
  8. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Member

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    Oh dear, that made me feel weird.
     
  9. swalia

    swalia Member

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    Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

    Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me"
     
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  10. katherine25

    katherine25 Member

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    haha good one!
     
  11. Belovedad

    Belovedad New Member

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    That was so cringe, it made me laugh. The others are funny too. I'm too lame to ever make something funny. Or that is what I believe.
     
  12. BikeBikeBikeBike

    BikeBikeBikeBike Well-Known Member

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    What's the best thing about a socialist joke?




    Everybody gets it!
     
  13. phebeM

    phebeM New Member

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    Good one. At least better than the previous ones of this post.
     
  14. swalia

    swalia Member

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    Q: Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles?
    A: They tend to lose their balance.
     
  15. swalia

    swalia Member

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    What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
    Pull the pin and throw it back.
     
  16. swalia

    swalia Member

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    I found this one too hilarious:

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
     
  17. swalia

    swalia Member

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    A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.

    “Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
     
  18. OursIsTheFury

    OursIsTheFury Member

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    Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci."

    God, I love Watchmen. Incredibly underrated film and story.
     
  19. swalia

    swalia Member

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    Husband: You will never succeed, in making that dog obey you.

    Wife: Nonsense! it's only a matter of patience, remember I had a lot of trouble with you at first as well...
     
  20. swalia

    swalia Member

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    A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."

    The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!"
     
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