Mountain Biking Humor



M

Mike Vandeman

Guest
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters,
whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any
rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells
and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so
John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he
could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by
listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he
was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell
hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were
chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters
coming, would run for cover.

But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to
the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and
Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result... The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece
Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a
mountain biker could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
===
I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)

http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
 
Hahah, that was actually quite funny.
Though if I ever see you on a trail I won't screw you, but you sure as hell
won't be able to walk again.

-Nick

Mike Vandeman wrote in message ...
>John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
>hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters,
>whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any
>rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
>
>That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells
>and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so
>John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he
>could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by
>listening to the bells.
>
>The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he
>was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell
>hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were
>chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters
>coming, would run for cover.
>
>But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
>couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to
>the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair
and
>Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.
>
>The result... The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece
>Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
>
>Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a
>mountain biker could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
>awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
>and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
>===
>I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
>humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
>years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)
>
>http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
 
On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 06:09:28 GMT, Mike Vandeman <[email protected]>
wrote:

>Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a
>mountain biker could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
>awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
>and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Cute, but ISTR the original joke was "lobbyist". Oh, wait, you're a
lobbyist, aren't you?

Guy
--
May contain traces of irony. Contents liable to settle after posting.
http://www.chapmancentral.co.uk

88% of helmet statistics are made up, 65% of them at CHS, Puget Sound
 
Nick wrote:
> Hahah, that was actually quite funny.
> Though if I ever see you on a trail I won't screw you, but you sure as hell
> won't be able to walk again.
>

PMSL, i think you were funnier Nick, but the joke was actually pretty
good.
 
"Mike Vandeman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a
> mountain biker could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
> awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
> and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
> ===
Wow! You have made a lateral move! Instead of posting hiking injuries that
have nothing to do with the activity of off-road cycling, you are posting
jokes that have nothing to do with off-road cycling. Is this "thinking
outside the box"?

Hey--- Here's a good one:

A cyclist is pedaling down the road on his way to his favorite trailhead
located in a popular multi-use park system. Out of nowhere, a speeding car
passes him by, the side view mirror barely missing his shoulder as the
driver honks the horn and shoots him the "finger".
Arriving at the trail, the cyclist sees the same car parked close by. A few
hundred yards into the trail, the cyclist sees a hiker ahead and slows his
speed as not to startle the person up front. Once the cyclist passes the
hiker, the hiker starts screaming about trails and wildlife and nature and
cussing at the cyclist.
Sometime later, the two meet again at a town council meeting where
discussions are taking place about the park system. The hiker and the
cyclist attend several of these meetings over the next few weeks, both of
them making a case of "no bicycles" or "bicycles allowed".
The next time the two meet is at a parking lot for a new mall that is now
where the trails used to be. It seems that while the two were bickering
about "access", the town council was actually considering the land for
development.
"This is your fault!" said the hiker.
"No." Said the biker. "It is our fault. We should have worked together to
keep the park instead of fighting about how to use it. Now we all lose."

On second thought - maybe the truth isn't always funny, is it?
 
On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 12:22:36 -0400, "S Curtiss" <[email protected]>
wrote:

>"Mike Vandeman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>news:[email protected]...
>>
>> Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a

>Wow! You have made a lateral move! Instead of posting hiking injuries that
>have nothing to do with the activity of off-road cycling, you are posting
>jokes that have nothing to do with off-road cycling. Is this "thinking
>outside the box"?
>
Well, Mikey is outside the box, anyway.

Not sure his automatic and uncontrollable responses count as thinking.
Since usually he is posting things he has posted before, he can get by
without thinking much at all, even if he did think at one point.

This one, even though rewritten to insult his favorite target, is
funnier than his usual attempts at humor.

Happy trails,
Gary (net.yogi.bear)
--
At the 51st percentile of ursine intelligence

Gary D. Schwartz, Needham, MA, USA
Please reply to: garyDOTschwartzATpoboxDOTcom
 
Mike Vandeman plagerized:xxxxxxxxxxxx
-----------------------------------------------

You're still here? I thought rabies was a fatal disease. You must
be one of the three known to medical science to survive it and spend the
rest of their lives being carriers.

Steve McDonald
 
On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 16:05:04 +0930, "Nick" <[email protected]> wrote:

..Hahah, that was actually quite funny.
..Though if I ever see you on a trail I won't screw you, but you sure as hell
..won't be able to walk again.

Your threat of violence is duly noted.

..-Nick
..
..Mike Vandeman wrote in message ...
..>John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
..>hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters,
..>whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any
..>rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
..>
..>That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells
..>and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so
..>John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he
..>could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by
..>listening to the bells.
..>
..>The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he
..>was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell
..>hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were
..>chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters
..>coming, would run for cover.
..>
..>But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
..>couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to
..>the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair
..and
..>Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.
..>
..>The result... The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece
..>Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
..>
..>Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a
..>mountain biker could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
..>awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
..>and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
..>===
..>I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
..>humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
..>years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)
..>
..>http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
..

===
I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)

http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
 
On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 12:22:36 -0400, "S Curtiss" <[email protected]> wrote:

..
.."Mike Vandeman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
..news:[email protected]...
..>
..> Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a
..> mountain biker could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
..> awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
..> and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
..> ===
..Wow! You have made a lateral move! Instead of posting hiking injuries that
..have nothing to do with the activity of off-road cycling, you are posting
..jokes that have nothing to do with off-road cycling. Is this "thinking
..outside the box"?
..
..Hey--- Here's a good one:
..
..A cyclist is pedaling down the road on his way to his favorite trailhead
..located in a popular multi-use park system. Out of nowhere, a speeding car
..passes him by, the side view mirror barely missing his shoulder as the
..driver honks the horn and shoots him the "finger".
..Arriving at the trail, the cyclist sees the same car parked close by. A few
..hundred yards into the trail, the cyclist sees a hiker ahead and slows his
..speed as not to startle the person up front. Once the cyclist passes the
..hiker, the hiker starts screaming about trails and wildlife and nature and
..cussing at the cyclist.
..Sometime later, the two meet again at a town council meeting where
..discussions are taking place about the park system. The hiker and the
..cyclist attend several of these meetings over the next few weeks, both of
..them making a case of "no bicycles" or "bicycles allowed".
..The next time the two meet is at a parking lot for a new mall that is now
..where the trails used to be. It seems that while the two were bickering
..about "access", the town council was actually considering the land for
..development.
.."This is your fault!" said the hiker.
.."No." Said the biker. "It is our fault. We should have worked together to
..keep the park instead of fighting about how to use it. Now we all lose."
..
..On second thought - maybe the truth isn't always funny, is it?

If mountain bikers didn't INSIST on taking their bikes on trails, where they
don't belong, there wouldn't be any problem.
===
I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)

http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
 
On Thu, 14 Jul 2005 04:17:08 GMT, Mike Vandeman <[email protected]>
wrote:

>On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 16:05:04 +0930, "Nick" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>.Hahah, that was actually quite funny.
>.Though if I ever see you on a trail I won't screw you, but you sure as hell
>.won't be able to walk again.
>
>Your threat of violence is duly noted.

Oops! You forgot, Mike, in your haste to portray this behaviour as
uniquely and invariably applying to mountain bikers, to cite any
verifiable external evidence.

I suggested a study methodology whereby you could assess whether this
reaction to sustained trolling is characteristic of mountain bikers,
or is a general population trait. I thought you pretended to be a
scientist?

Guy
--
May contain traces of irony. Contents liable to settle after posting.
http://www.chapmancentral.co.uk

88% of helmet statistics are made up, 65% of them at CHS, Puget Sound
 

> If mountain bikers didn't INSIST on taking their bikes on trails, where they
> don't belong, there wouldn't be any problem.

Actually, yet again you need to be corrected, mountain bikes are
designed for use on trails. Therefore they do belong there, their use
on roads would mean they were significantly over engineered (unless you
live around roads like i do).
 
"Mike Vandeman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 16:05:04 +0930, "Nick" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> .Hahah, that was actually quite funny.
> .Though if I ever see you on a trail I won't screw you, but you sure as
> hell
> .won't be able to walk again.
>
> Your threat of violence is duly noted.
>

It's interesting that when you string piano wire between the trees in order
to maim somebody, this is not violence. You place trees across the trail in
order to harm somebody, this isn't violence. It's only "violence" when it is
directed at you, but not when you direct it at others.
 
"Mike Vandeman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 12:22:36 -0400, "S Curtiss" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> .
> ."Mike Vandeman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> .news:[email protected]...
> .>
> .> Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a
> .> mountain biker could figure out how to win two of the most highly
> coveted
> .> awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
> .> and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
> .> ===
> .Wow! You have made a lateral move! Instead of posting hiking injuries
> that
> .have nothing to do with the activity of off-road cycling, you are posting
> .jokes that have nothing to do with off-road cycling. Is this "thinking
> .outside the box"?
> .
<content clipped>

> If mountain bikers didn't INSIST on taking their bikes on trails, where
> they
> don't belong, there wouldn't be any problem.

Your opinion. Your attempts to make it "fact" by posting jokes, stories of
death, and selective contexts do not change that it is still an opinion. You
may draw whatever conclusion you like and present your theory. In no way
should you expect that to be the only conclusion to be drawn or the only
theory that can be presented.

> ===
> I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
> humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
> years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)
>
> http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
 
Mike Vandeman wrote:
> John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
> hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters,
> whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any
> rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
>
> That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells
> and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so
> John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he
> could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by
> listening to the bells.
>
> The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he
> was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell
> hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were
> chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters
> coming, would run for cover.
>
> But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
> couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to
> the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and
> Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.
>
> The result... The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece
> Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
>
> Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a
> mountain biker could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
> awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
> and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
> ===
> I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
> humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
> years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)
>
> http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande

Clearly plagiarism, as the joke wasn't too funny but the final paragraph
was almost clever.
 
Mike Vandeman wrote:
> John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
> hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters,
> whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any
> rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.


Well, the joke is quite funny. But the intent of the poster is a little
more obscure.
It's not actually related to mountainbiking and the ending could
certainly be considered to be insulting, so it wouldn't be, gasp,
trolling, would it? Surely not, Mike... tell me it isn't true <sob>...
--
Westie
Who would have believed it? An advocate for the environment trolling in
the newsgroup dedicated to his opponent... now there's a way to validate
one's authority....
 
"Westie" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Mike Vandeman wrote:
>> John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
>> hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters,
>> whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any
>> rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
>
>
> Well, the joke is quite funny. But the intent of the poster is a little
> more obscure.
> It's not actually related to mountainbiking and the ending could certainly
> be considered to be insulting, so it wouldn't be, gasp, trolling, would
> it? Surely not, Mike... tell me it isn't true <sob>...
> --
> Westie
> Who would have believed it? An advocate for the environment trolling in
> the newsgroup dedicated to his opponent... now there's a way to validate
> one's authority....


Possibly Mike's action irrational actions are being caused by his state of
mind. http://www.enotalone.com/article/2806.html It's quite bizarre that a
self-proclaimed environmental expert that preaches about creating a human
free habitat, has cats the he allows to roam freely. (Read the tribute to
Bob the cat http://www.imaja.com/change/environment/mvarticles/ )
According to this link
http://www.abcbirds.org/cats/states/california_intro.htm cats are affecting
the population numbers of native species of birds and animals in California.
Maybe, Mike should put his efforts into seeking professional help........
 
On Thu, 14 Jul 2005 11:57:02 +0100, "Just zis Guy, you know?"
<[email protected]> wrote:

..On Thu, 14 Jul 2005 04:17:08 GMT, Mike Vandeman <[email protected]>
..wrote:
..
..>On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 16:05:04 +0930, "Nick" <[email protected]> wrote:
..>
..>.Hahah, that was actually quite funny.
..>.Though if I ever see you on a trail I won't screw you, but you sure as hell
..>.won't be able to walk again.
..>
..>Your threat of violence is duly noted.
..
..Oops! You forgot, Mike, in your haste to portray this behaviour as
..uniquely and invariably applying to mountain bikers, to cite any
..verifiable external evidence.
..
..I suggested a study methodology whereby you could assess whether this
..reaction to sustained trolling is characteristic of mountain bikers,
..or is a general population trait. I thought you pretended to be a
..scientist?

Leave it to you to change an obvious threat into pseudoscientific BS. Mountain
bikers have so many different ways of LYING!

..Guy

===
I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)

http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
 
On 14 Jul 2005 09:56:37 -0700, "Coyoteboy" <[email protected]> wrote:

..
..> If mountain bikers didn't INSIST on taking their bikes on trails, where they
..> don't belong, there wouldn't be any problem.
..
..Actually, yet again you need to be corrected, mountain bikes are
..designed for use on trails. Therefore they do belong there,

Tell that to Yosemite National Park, and thousands of other parks that have
banned bikes. Bikes don't belong everywhere, however they are designed.

their use
..on roads would mean they were significantly over engineered (unless you
..live around roads like i do).

===
I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)

http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
 
On Thu, 14 Jul 2005 18:54:48 -0400, "S Curtiss" <[email protected]> wrote:

..
.."Mike Vandeman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
..news:[email protected]...
..> On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 12:22:36 -0400, "S Curtiss" <[email protected]> wrote:
..>
..> .
..> ."Mike Vandeman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
..> .news:[email protected]...
..> .>
..> .> Clearly Butch was a mountain biker in the making. Who else but a
..> .> mountain biker could figure out how to win two of the most highly
..> coveted
..> .> awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
..> .> and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
..> .> ===
..> .Wow! You have made a lateral move! Instead of posting hiking injuries
..> that
..> .have nothing to do with the activity of off-road cycling, you are posting
..> .jokes that have nothing to do with off-road cycling. Is this "thinking
..> .outside the box"?
..> .
..<content clipped>
..
..> If mountain bikers didn't INSIST on taking their bikes on trails, where
..> they
..> don't belong, there wouldn't be any problem.
..
..Your opinion.

Which is shared by responsible land managers, such as Yosemite National Park....

Your attempts to make it "fact" by posting jokes, stories of
..death, and selective contexts do not change that it is still an opinion. You
..may draw whatever conclusion you like and present your theory. In no way
..should you expect that to be the only conclusion to be drawn or the only
..theory that can be presented.
..
..> ===
..> I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
..> humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
..> years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)
..>
..> http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
..

===
I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)

http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
 
On Sat, 16 Jul 2005 18:46:53 +1200, Westie <[email protected]> wrote:

..Mike Vandeman wrote:
..> John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
..> hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters,
..> whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any
..> rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
..
..
..Well, the joke is quite funny. But the intent of the poster is a little
..more obscure.
..It's not actually related to mountainbiking and the ending could
..certainly be considered to be insulting,

but TRUE.

so it wouldn't be, gasp,
..trolling, would it? Surely not, Mike... tell me it isn't true <sob>...

===
I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to
humans ("pure habitat"). Want to help? (I spent the previous 8
years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)

http://home.pacbell.net/mjvande
 
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