Top ten ways to look like a better cyclist than you are! :)
- Thread starter Feanor
- Start date
It's really quite simple, all you need is a cafe on a very steep hill, a stereo and a gas cannister/ smoke machine.
You basicall have two choices:
Downhill: Get up as much speed and fly down the hill as fast as you can, just as you reach the cafe release the smoke and zoom by. The general reaction should be " holy ****, that guy was goin so fast he left a smoke trail....wow!" (emulating a sonic boom sound will add to the effect, although most people will be skeptic of a super-sonic-cyclist)
Uphill: Sprinkle a little water on your face and under arms just before you get started (for that sweaty look) and the plod on up the hill, not too fast!. When you get to the cafe put on your best grimmace face, grunt a little as if in pain and press play on your stereo blasting out "The eye of the tiger" at full volume. The general reaction should be "god that guy's a real fighter, he just won't give up, I wish I was that strong minded.....wow"
You basicall have two choices:
Downhill: Get up as much speed and fly down the hill as fast as you can, just as you reach the cafe release the smoke and zoom by. The general reaction should be " holy ****, that guy was goin so fast he left a smoke trail....wow!" (emulating a sonic boom sound will add to the effect, although most people will be skeptic of a super-sonic-cyclist)
Uphill: Sprinkle a little water on your face and under arms just before you get started (for that sweaty look) and the plod on up the hill, not too fast!. When you get to the cafe put on your best grimmace face, grunt a little as if in pain and press play on your stereo blasting out "The eye of the tiger" at full volume. The general reaction should be "god that guy's a real fighter, he just won't give up, I wish I was that strong minded.....wow"
okay, okay, I can't resist. There's a guy at work who's gotta be the inspiration for this whole thing. Some of his most frequently utilized affecctations include:
1) Always refers to weight in terms of BMI. Including an exasperated look when others don't know their BMI is optional, but used sparingly, magnifies the impact.
2) Never miss an opportunity to stretch in the office. Especially when the cute interns are within eyeshot. Note: if you're not really flexible, you can still utilize this one... claim to be recovering from injury.
3) *Always* have some random piece of cycling equipment strategically placed in your office. On inquiry claim to be working on improving the design, aerodynamics, or efficiency depending on the piece in question.
4) Have a map in your office with color coded pushpins all over it. You can use your imagination on this one. Mountains I've climbed, races I've won, A races this year, etc. Make sure you have an incredible story to regale for each one.
5) Your desk calendar should have your periodization schedule consipcuously displayed, color coded, personal bests highlighted, etc.
6) Always have cycling injury story available to top whatever injury, illness, scar, or difficulty story a colleague tells.
I've been observing this guy for a while and as I think of more, I'll certainly post. Maybe I can even get *The Source* of all this to post.
1) Always refers to weight in terms of BMI. Including an exasperated look when others don't know their BMI is optional, but used sparingly, magnifies the impact.
2) Never miss an opportunity to stretch in the office. Especially when the cute interns are within eyeshot. Note: if you're not really flexible, you can still utilize this one... claim to be recovering from injury.
3) *Always* have some random piece of cycling equipment strategically placed in your office. On inquiry claim to be working on improving the design, aerodynamics, or efficiency depending on the piece in question.
4) Have a map in your office with color coded pushpins all over it. You can use your imagination on this one. Mountains I've climbed, races I've won, A races this year, etc. Make sure you have an incredible story to regale for each one.
5) Your desk calendar should have your periodization schedule consipcuously displayed, color coded, personal bests highlighted, etc.
6) Always have cycling injury story available to top whatever injury, illness, scar, or difficulty story a colleague tells.
I've been observing this guy for a while and as I think of more, I'll certainly post. Maybe I can even get *The Source* of all this to post.
I always feel that a good Santa hat goes a long way to proving to your fellow peletonians that you are very professional. Especially a Mercatone Uno Santa bandana..
tip: works better at Christmas..
tip: works better at Christmas..
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