The definitive guide to peeing on the bike (serious post)

My children,

It's really quite simple. Now this is addressed to the boys. Girls, I'm sure you have your own
version. Here is Fr. Guido's tested and true method for peeing on the bike.

1) Maintain constant speed on the bike. Look for a flat section of the road.
2) Gently lift your buttocks off the saddle to ease the pressure on the perineum area. Sitting on
the saddle tends to damper the ability to pee. Just come up far enough to take the pressure off.
3) Pee.
4) The wind will blow it straight back. Some will get on your legs, shoes, cranks, cassette. Don't
worry about it.
5) Gently sit back on the saddle.
6) Get your waterbottle and give yourself a good squirt of water in the crotch, legs, and on
the cranks.

After the race, make sure you clean your bike and shoes real good. You see, I was young once and
could ride like the devil. Now I'm just an old priest.

Did this serious post garner me any salvation votes?

Humbly submitted,

Fr. Guido

 

"Father Guido Sarducci" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...

Father,

See? This is what I have against triathletes/cyclists, they have things WAY out of perspective. Any
human activity that requires you to urinate or defecate upon yourself is, de facto, not an activity
which a human should voluntarily undertake.

Respectfully,

Roger.

 

Sorry to feed the trolls... but no one said it is *required* to urinate on yourself. You can pull
off the road and pee.

"Roger Hunter" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> "Father Guido Sarducci" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>
> Father,
>
> See? This is what I have against triathletes/cyclists, they have things WAY out of perspective.
> Any human activity that requires you to urinate
or
> defecate upon yourself is, de facto, not an activity which a human should voluntarily undertake.
>
> Respectfully,
>
>
> Roger.

 

Actually, this is described on slowtwitch.com 5/9/02 And it is a serious subject, even though we can
poke fun at it

http://www.slowtwitch.com/mainheadings/coachcorn/evacuation.html

Sorry

JJ

"Roger Hunter" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> "Father Guido Sarducci" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>
> Father,
>
> See? This is what I have against triathletes/cyclists, they have things WAY out of perspective.
> Any human activity that requires you to urinate
or
> defecate upon yourself is, de facto, not an activity which a human should voluntarily undertake.
>
> Respectfully,
>
>
> Roger.

 

Brother JJ,

I thought my description was better and more useful than slowtwitch's. You see, too many of those
published articles stroke the egos of the pros. It's all about them. My humble submission got right
to the point.

Kinda gives golden shower a whole new meaning. My I draft behind you while you relieve yourself?

Fr. Guido

"JJ" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
> Actually, this is described on slowtwitch.com 5/9/02 And it is a serious subject, even though we
> can poke fun at it
>
> http://www.slowtwitch.com/mainheadings/coachcorn/evacuation.html
>
> Sorry
>
> JJ