Humor and things that make us laugh.



Chapeau!

New Member
Jul 31, 2010
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All material that is FUNNY and unboring goes here.

I will start us off.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJVwfJs8Eqo&feature=player_embedded]YouTube - Woman wakes up to find intruder in her bed - WAFF.com: Antoine Dodson[/ame]

LMAO.
 

Chapeau!

New Member
Jul 31, 2010
593
2
0
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes (Must Read Out Loud)
1) That’s not right............................................. .Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive.........................Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP.............................................. ....Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man............................................... .......Dum ***
5) Small Horse............................................. ........Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach.....................................Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table..................................Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift................................Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s Very dark in here.........................................Wai So Dim
10) I Thought you were on a diet...........................Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone...................................No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week..........Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight.........................................Lei Ying Lo
14) He’s cleaning his automobile .........................Wa Shing Ka
15)Your body odor is offensive............................Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great............................................. ...................Fa Kin Su Pah
 

Chapeau!

New Member
Jul 31, 2010
593
2
0
BEST EVER BLONDE JOKE?

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,
'Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I
can't figure out how to get
started..'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed
to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture
on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help
with the puzzle.

She lets
him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then
looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're
not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything
resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I
want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with
a deep sigh, . .. . . . ..... .




(scroll down)













'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the
box.'
rooster.jpg
 

Chapeau!

New Member
Jul 31, 2010
593
2
0
Real life 9-1-1 Calls.

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is.............

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn.....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No, I'm a Methodist
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
 

alienator

Well-Known Member
Jun 10, 2004
12,596
310
0
There's already a joke sub-forum at this site. Most people with even the most handicapped reading skills find it easily.
 

RosePetals

New Member
Aug 31, 2010
3
0
0
33
LOVE Dress

A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Mom, it's my LOVE dress!! Don't you like it?" I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over" replies the mom.

When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!"

Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction: "Honey, what are you doing?" she gives him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!"
 

IdaSaxton

New Member
May 14, 2010
2
0
0
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious ... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that ... there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
 

ainicssergio

New Member
Jun 30, 2011
1
0
0
Originally Posted by Chapeau! .


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
I am not stupid but old...
 

houstanrojas

New Member
Aug 4, 2011
11
0
0
Chapeau! said:
Real life 9-1-1 Calls.

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is.............

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn.....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No, I'm a Methodist
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
LAWL :D
 

Lejog

New Member
Oct 4, 2011
1
0
0
Whats the difference between a jailer and a jeweller?.
One sells watches and the other watches cells.

What do you get if you cross Tina Turner with an Orangutan?.
An ugly Orangutan.

Who is the president of outer space?.
Ronald Raygun.
 

nurseheidi

New Member
Jan 25, 2012
4
0
0
HAHAHAH! So funny. Just emailed this to my office.

Here is my joke contribution:

When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

**Ok, so it's not too funny, but my friend's video is. He created it for the Rapha 500 contest--it's about doing 500 km in 5 days. If you "like" the video, he will win a bike. That way he won't have to steal it and pray for forgiveness!

Please go here... http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=307219949314974&set=a.307218682648434.63240.165374816832822&type=3&theater