Short and funny one-liners



swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
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People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.
 
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swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
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47
Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
13
18
47
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
13
18
47
Marriage is like coffee. First it's really hot. Then it's just right. Then it helps you to get off your ass and do things.
 

Kakashi

Active Member
Feb 3, 2018
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In one of my old resumes I've added this in experiences : 'Extensive experience in dealing with a variety of stupid people.':)
 

Kakashi

Active Member
Feb 3, 2018
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Hey this trick works ...'if you want to slap someone, just do it and loudly say Mosquito.' haha
 

Kakashi

Active Member
Feb 3, 2018
634
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My Dad keeps on telling me 'to always follow my dreams' when I was a kid 'i keep on going back to bed so I can follow it.'
 

Kakashi

Active Member
Feb 3, 2018
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Jack, Jhonnie and Jim went to an American Whiskey Bar.

They presented their ID's at the door for inspection. One by one their names where called...

'Daniels your in', 'Beam your in'

'Now, Walker your out, we don't serve Scotch !'
 

Kakashi

Active Member
Feb 3, 2018
634
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I keep falling off my mountain bike while waiting for you to call. I can’t handle the suspension.
 

Kakashi

Active Member
Feb 3, 2018
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“AN INTELLIGENT MAN IS SOMETIMES FORCED TO BE DRUNK TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS FOOLS.”
~ ERNEST HEMINGWAY
 

Kakashi

Active Member
Feb 3, 2018
634
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.