S
Stewart Fleming
Guest
Chris M wrote:
> I want to hear the best tall tales combining elements from as many different actual events as
> possible. Bruce scores only 2 points from his effort.
It is one of the Grand Tours. Robert Millar and Luis Hereras are off the front up the major climb.
Hereras is sitting on, whining and complaining that he is tired. Millar tries to drop him, but the
Colombian is towed back up by Miguel Indurain who appears from nowhere. Millar insists and his
attack takes him clear, just in time for him to be directed left while the others continue right.
Millar is never heard from again until he resurfaces in a Cycle Sport column.
Meanwhile, back down the valley, Pedro Delgado has chased hard all day since he arrived at the start
line 2 minutes late and only gets back on when the bunch is erroneously stopped at a level crossing.
As they get restarted, Jonathan Vaughters is stung by a bee and has to retire since he is not
allowed to take corticosteroids. Alex Zulle (who IS taking corticosteroids) crashes. Lance Armstrong
and Dag-Otto Lauritzen bridge up to the break, on their own, at the same time, while riding as
individuals, not as a team. Claudio Chiappucci wins the little-known "Lapin" prime for bunny-hopping
his bike over the top of every major climb.
On the descent, an unknown French rider breaks his forks and is disqualified for outside assistance
while repairing them at a local forge. Greg Lemond's superior aerodynamics are obvious as he opens
up a gap of 8 seconds over Laurent Fignon. Alex Zulle demonstrates the futility of prescription
sunglasses when he falls off on the wet descent.
As the riders approach the bunch sprint at the mountain-top finish, Wilfred Nelissen falls off on
the last roundabout, taking out Alex Zulle, but remounts just in time to collide with a gendarme who
is taking a photograph. Laurent Jalabert who is on Nelissen's wheel crashes heavily, but later goes
on to win the Polka Dot jersey, despite being classified as a sprinter. In the confusion, a giant
Coke bottle swings out onto the course, knocking over Djamolidine Abdujaparov. Mario Cipollini wins
the sprint into Luz Ardiden by a tyre's width from Marco Pantani and Edith Rumsas. Three riders
(finishing 63rd, 75th and 122nd) were selected for dope control but no illegal substances were
found, although a subsequent urine test reveals that one of the Belgian mechanics has a pregnant
camel.. Stephen Roche is given oxygen at the finish, Richard Virenque is given aspirin and
Christophe Bessons is given mineral water.
Will that do for a start? STF.
> I want to hear the best tall tales combining elements from as many different actual events as
> possible. Bruce scores only 2 points from his effort.
It is one of the Grand Tours. Robert Millar and Luis Hereras are off the front up the major climb.
Hereras is sitting on, whining and complaining that he is tired. Millar tries to drop him, but the
Colombian is towed back up by Miguel Indurain who appears from nowhere. Millar insists and his
attack takes him clear, just in time for him to be directed left while the others continue right.
Millar is never heard from again until he resurfaces in a Cycle Sport column.
Meanwhile, back down the valley, Pedro Delgado has chased hard all day since he arrived at the start
line 2 minutes late and only gets back on when the bunch is erroneously stopped at a level crossing.
As they get restarted, Jonathan Vaughters is stung by a bee and has to retire since he is not
allowed to take corticosteroids. Alex Zulle (who IS taking corticosteroids) crashes. Lance Armstrong
and Dag-Otto Lauritzen bridge up to the break, on their own, at the same time, while riding as
individuals, not as a team. Claudio Chiappucci wins the little-known "Lapin" prime for bunny-hopping
his bike over the top of every major climb.
On the descent, an unknown French rider breaks his forks and is disqualified for outside assistance
while repairing them at a local forge. Greg Lemond's superior aerodynamics are obvious as he opens
up a gap of 8 seconds over Laurent Fignon. Alex Zulle demonstrates the futility of prescription
sunglasses when he falls off on the wet descent.
As the riders approach the bunch sprint at the mountain-top finish, Wilfred Nelissen falls off on
the last roundabout, taking out Alex Zulle, but remounts just in time to collide with a gendarme who
is taking a photograph. Laurent Jalabert who is on Nelissen's wheel crashes heavily, but later goes
on to win the Polka Dot jersey, despite being classified as a sprinter. In the confusion, a giant
Coke bottle swings out onto the course, knocking over Djamolidine Abdujaparov. Mario Cipollini wins
the sprint into Luz Ardiden by a tyre's width from Marco Pantani and Edith Rumsas. Three riders
(finishing 63rd, 75th and 122nd) were selected for dope control but no illegal substances were
found, although a subsequent urine test reveals that one of the Belgian mechanics has a pregnant
camel.. Stephen Roche is given oxygen at the finish, Richard Virenque is given aspirin and
Christophe Bessons is given mineral water.
Will that do for a start? STF.