Social commentator and lifestyle guru, classic1, offers more tips on surviving the coronavirus apocalypse.
Unemployment
Survive unemployment by having a job. ****, I’m channeling the IPA now.
Other alternatives include winning tattslotto, being a parliamentarian ($200k a year for doing work that wouldn’t tax an embryo), or being a rich **** and living off your franking credits.
Getting the virus
Avoid queues at the hospital by doing your best to catch the virus. If you get it now you’ll get the best beds in the ICU, your own ventilator, and most of the healthcare staff are still alive so you will actually get some care. You snooze, you lose. Best ways to catch the virus include taking a cruise, hanging around with people who’ve been on a cruise, French kissing Peter Dutton, rooting pangolins or hanging out with Americans.
PM Briefings
The best way to find out what is going on and what to do to protect you and your loved ones is to NOT watch Scott Morrison and the chief medical officer on TV. These dickheads have no ****ing idea whatsoever and will confuse the **** out of you with their retarded and contradictory statements. You also avoid having an incompetent, corrupt, hypocritical religious fanatic who believes in the rapture hectoring you, nor will you have to sit there squirming while the ***** avoids questions. He’s gone from daggy dad to aggro dad real quick.
Do watch if you want to find out what not to do in a crisis or you want to learn how to deliver unclear, inconcise blather and ********. **** that **** has a special knack for disseminating insincere waffle.
My tip is to wait until the following morning to hear what Daniel Andrews or
Gladys Berejiklian have to say as they clearly have some idea and seem to be actually running the country.
POTUS briefings.
Have a look at the orange faced buffoon and ask yourself if you could even remotely take him seriously. America is a failed state. My advice is to flick over to 7 Mate and watch worlds worst car crash TV to see less horrific car crashes.