Why Cycling shorts should always be black

[House]

Yes, but did she chuck a bucket o' water on ya?

Well that was another time, but we won't get into that! IThe first time I wore them i came home all wet and sweaty and to be funny she inspected the shorts and they were fine.

 

[Wurm]

I still have an older but low-use pair of mostly red (dark blue side panels) Giordana "Litespeed" logo shorts, and I haven't heard any problems yet with "junk display".

But maybe people have just been polite? Hey, they do the their job too well for me to throw them out yet!

 

[Susan Repp]

SR,

When your as poorly endowed as I am, there is not a lot to hide. What I heed is one of those lucky cucumbers to put down my shorts. Funny, I never felt the need to wear a padded bra.

I am recovering OK; I am a bit slower, but there is a bonus. It takes me longer to catch up on the lady cyclists and I have come to appreciate the aesthetics.

Kind regards,

Funny, I never felt the need to wear a lucky cucumber down my shorts either .. Glad you are recovering and enjoying the recovery time

 

[Susan Repp]

Well lads, us girls always admire a man who is willing to wear spandex , there are some that just SHOULDN'T be wearing it - let alone 'red' -

 

[Wurm]

Well lads, us girls always admire a man who is willing to wear spandex , there are some that just SHOULDN'T be wearing it - let alone 'red' -

LOL! I wish I could find that pic of "red skinsuit man" OMG - it's 'orrible, just 'orrible.

 

[Susan Repp]

LOL! I wish I could find that pic of "red skinsuit man" OMG - it's 'orrible, just 'orrible.

Oh, dear "red skinsuit man"??????????? Pray tell, are you "red skinsuit man"? .. hide ya eyes ladies we all could be in for a bit of a shock ehh?

 

[James Bruce Gil]

Oh, dear "red skinsuit man"??????????? Pray tell, are you "red skinsuit man"? .. hide ya eyes ladies we all could be in for a bit of a shock ehh?

SR,

Perhaps we should bring back the mirkin, like they used to have in the days when the arts were emoldened & ballet was experimenting with simulated nudity on stage?

The Scots have used a sporren (if thats the correct spelling) for this style of coverup have they not?

I think either solution would look a hundred dollers on any cyclist, even those in red Lycra!!

KInd regards,

Kind regards

 

[EoinC]

Funny, I never felt the need to wear a lucky cucumber down my shorts either

My mates told me that putting a couple of potatoes down my shorts would attract attention. It sure did....I only wish they'd told me that they're meant to go at the front!

 

[James Bruce Gil]

My mates told me that putting a couple of potatoes down my shorts would attract attention. It sure did....I only wish they'd told me that they're meant to go at the front!

EC,

I know exactly the effect.....I picked up a good tennis ball on the road one day while I was out riding.

After trying to hold it for a while I decided to put it down the back of my shorts as it seemed to be well out of the way there.

A fellow who joins me along the way made the observation that that was an awful lump on my backside. To which I replied, Its a tennis ball.

His next comment in all seriousness was that he felt very sorry for me as he had had tennis elbow once!!

When I realised what he had said I nearly fell off my bike laughing.

Kind regards,

 

[EoinC]

His next comment in all seriousness was that he felt very sorry for me as he had had tennis elbow once!!

Perfect. It'd be worth carrying a tennis ball down your daks just to get a one liner like that. Good to see that street entertainment is alive and well.

 

[Wurm]

Oh, dear "red skinsuit man"??????????? Pray tell, are you "red skinsuit man"? .. hide ya eyes ladies we all could be in for a bit of a shock ehh?

Sorry Susan, I am not the (in)famous RSM. I know how disappointed you must be. This is me with my daughter.

 

[less'go]

Aha! There you are Peggy Sue! Caught you red-handed teasing the boys again! You mean to tell me boys have more than one part? Are you talking about the two bits that wobble there under the magic cucumber (I believe that's what it's been referred to as in this thread)? I think those are called olives.

Bluto

Well you know mate, we just keep moving around from one boy part to the other. Clothing can hide a multitude of sins can it not? Padded bras, black shorts but NOT, it seems, red shorts not - you had whaaaaaaaaaaaaat removed ? Does not sound too exciting!>!> Hope you are recovering ..

 

[less'go]

Mate took this picture of me in my favorite shorts, another reason to wear black!!

Oh my GOD! Does that thumbnail come in poster form

It's getting a little hot in here. Sue, did you see this one???

 

[less'go]

I wonder if my sister-in-combat has seen this .. I am sure she would have much to say about this .. ummmm .. thread .. calling Less'go????????????

Oh honey, I may be a little late in the game, but believe me, I'm going over this thread with a fine-tooth comb... Stay tuned for more reactions if I am able to remain coherent.

 

[less'go]

Time to go to bed .. I'm seeing RED!

I'm still seeing YELLOW! I believe that image will be imprinted on our collective female retinae for some time to come. I'm thinking of planning a trip to Brixton. Any cycling enthusiast escorts in yellow shorts available to show me... around?

 

[Long Rider]

Oh honey, I may be a little late in the game, but believe me, I'm going over this thread with a fine-tooth comb... Stay tuned for more reactions if I am able to remain coherent.

Hey there less'go - any reaction to the creative post #62 back on page 5. I thought it was really funny, but alas, the talent scouts haven't come a-knockin'. I actually own a pair of all-pink riding shorts and I fold the "magic cucumber" in half for no one!

PS - You live in Paris, right? Are you accepting room reservations for the Tour de France finish?

 

[less'go]

Well, mate, will you believe it if I told you I know that song? One of my best girlfriends introduced it to me, and it became our theme song for a while... We even got one of those tiny penises you can put in water and it expands... Put it in a nice glass bottle and it was up on the mantlepiece for all to admire... I can't believe anyone else remembers that song!

I do believe we are on to something... however, what do you do with the one you've already got (I don't actually have one of my own, but I hear that men usually come equipped)??? I mean would you want both the detachable model and the standard version?

And FWIW, you are right, you should not fold the cucumber in half for anyone... unless of course she asks you to

P.S. I am taking room reservations, but I'll need a photo in said pink shorts before I decide... I am currenlty holding an option for Mr. Yellow, though... It's not that size matters all that much, but his photo is, well... fascinating, to say the least...

Some years ago there was a one-hit wonder song called "Detachable Penis" by King Missle if memory serves. Let's explore the ramifications if medical science created Detachable Penises for us guys. I mean, heck, I have detachable Oakley sunglass lenses for my M-frame. So why not different "penile packages" depending on the social situation or activity. (Terry, are you listening?! )

Whatever you were born with would be the "Standard Model" - the default attachment. We're all used to its ups and downs, how to handle it, what makes it work, etc. etc. etc. Then, for cycling you'd want to wear the "Unobtrusive" model. It would feature minimal performance characteristics and mininal space requirements - you get the idea . The deluxe version, (popular for racers who pee on the go) has an extendible shaft so that no wind splash-backs occur.

The "Blue Ball Free" model eliminates that nasty pain that renders you non-functional when you're running the bases and get thrown out sliding into home. The pain of a drug-free child birth is probably greater , but a case of blue balls after an unconsummated make-out or petting session is pretty bad. No more - you have a Detachable Penis! Oh! Joy to the world!

And what about the "Disposable Detachable Penis (DDP)" version? No more condoms! No more disease risk! And ladies, no more contraceptives! The DDP shoots blanks (no baby-makers in the batter) and turns an un-natural color if it's been somewhere it should not have been. But no worries mate , you don't need to see a doctor for The Cure, simply detach and dispose of the DDP and use a new one when the time is right - like Viagra, eh?

So, what do you think? Are we on to something here?

 

[GERARDO]

I think the "transparency" of the shorts is related more to the material and quality of the lycra, to size and quality of the pad and finally to the time of use than to the color.

I have a friend who has a very white skin and he uses his BLACK shorts so tight, that actually one can see through them.

I told him once, but I guess he like his shorts, he still use them.

 

[concord]

Well here's a pair I really like.

 

[racingcyclist27]

the guys on the right look great

lets face it were in a sport were people get to watch